Miscellaneous: Today, I was trying to go for number 2 while drying my hair so...

By steph - 31/05/2016 20:12 - United States - Helotes

Today, I was trying to go for number 2 while drying my hair so that my boy friend won't hear me do it. The lock on the door was broken, and he saw how good I am at multitasking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 140

You deserved it 2 690

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Vandals!

Insurance is a scam

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 04:00

Today, I think I found out just how many times I've ordered through UberEats when my delivery guy told me that, "We should stop seeing each other like this!" with a chuckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 481

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 20:07 - France - Sardieu

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 011

You deserved it 3 369

By lazy pregnant girl - 05/07/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that because he works fifty hours a week, I should be meeting an arbitrary quota of fifty hours of housework, and if I don't, I'm insensitive and ungrateful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 745

You deserved it 10 225

By waytootan - 22/08/2011 20:34 - United States

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 948

You deserved it 3 115

By Jenny - 09/02/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 275

You deserved it 4 812

By Anon - 04/08/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 978

You deserved it 4 104

By wowthatwould - 04/12/2011 21:39 - United States

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 352

You deserved it 46 568

Cabin fever

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 14:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the only thing more unbearable than lockdown is lockdown with sloppy roommates, who do nothing but complain about each other behind their backs to me, and also bring up past events like a broken record. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 71

No friends left

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I’ve dreamt of going back to high school so many times, every morning I wake up thinking I finished it twice and still have all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 129

By nostamp - 10/07/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I rushed to the post office to mail an important document for the study abroad program that I'd applied for, which was due in a few days. Just as the envelope slipped out of my hand and into the mail box, I caught a glimpse of the upper right corner where there was supposed to be a stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 282

You deserved it 39 178

Run!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 11:00 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I have come to the conclusion that my fiancé is the most selfish person I know. I can't talk to him about it, because the conversation will just turn on how I'm the worst person he knows. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 305

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 14:59 - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 916

You deserved it 9 761

By fartypeepee - 18/07/2009 10:48 - Australia

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 317

You deserved it 10 443

By Riley - 09/04/2011 08:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandma got up at 6:30am, clattered about the bathroom then sang religious songs at the top of her voice for half an hour. Apparently this is her normal routine, weekends included. She is staying with us for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 965

You deserved it 3 704

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 390

You deserved it 7 149

By Elayne Warthen - 25/04/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my soon-to-be husband and father of my unborn child is already married to another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 178

You deserved it 519

By ugh - 24/05/2015 19:53 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 966

You deserved it 5 082

By PinkTornado - 17/03/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he says ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 763

You deserved it 97 450

Don't date coworkers

By Pastrygirl - 11/07/2016 22:00

Today, while finishing up at work, I started helping a co-worker out with his workload since I'd finished mine. His girlfriend apparently didn't like this and started slamming things around, constantly muttering passive aggressive comments because she wanted to help him. I work with idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 570

You deserved it 884

Zoomed out

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 23:00

Today, I had a low blood sugar attack and almost passed out during class while over Zoom, which my professor then decided to bring attention to by calling me out for "sighing" about the research paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 145

By D-Man - 08/02/2012 13:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a co-worker. I got her the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 216

You deserved it 4 105

With friends like these…

By dpimente - 17/12/2020 11:05

Today, I checked my bank account online and noticed two checks that I didn't write had gone through, so I got copies of them and recognized the handwriting. It was my best friend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 53

By RedHatKat - 21/10/2015 02:02 - United States - Burr Hill

Today, my dryer broke in the middle of drying my essential work clothes. This resulted in me wearing partially-dried pants to work today. As a nanny I have encountered diaper rashes before, just not on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 169

You deserved it 1 804

By Shamed - 06/09/2011 08:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 530

You deserved it 4 925

By genderbender - 17/11/2010 01:21 - Reserved

Today, I went to the new gym I recently signed up for and started exercising in the men-filled weights room, despite being intimidated by them and the strange looks they were giving me. Workout over, I left the room and saw in front of me a door marked "Women's weights room". Oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 911

You deserved it 26 968

By birdsterrifyme - 23/03/2015 04:42 - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 116

You deserved it 4 360

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 21:17 - United States - Euless

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 469

You deserved it 5 744

By Rachel - 01/03/2012 21:43 - United States

Today, I joined a new choir. My director asked me if my best friend was actually my girlfriend. Taken aback, I said no, I was not a lesbian. He then asked me to clarify my gender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 131

You deserved it 4 819

By Anonymous - 26/04/2012 12:08 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 799

You deserved it 2 936

Cancer sucks

By m0r0n - 20/10/2020 20:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, like most days, I awoke from a dream where my hair was long again. This time, it was in the way while I was trying to drink water from a fountain. I lost my hair from chemo; it's slowly growing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 321

By davka - 18/04/2011 15:09

Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 204

You deserved it 4 816

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 16:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 159

You deserved it 7 717

By Boneo and Juliet - 16/07/2015 19:22 - United States - Amherst

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 781

You deserved it 4 972

Where'd you go?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 02:01

Today, I'm being ghosted by someone who said they wanted to meet up, but never texted me. She could've just said she wasn't interested, but instead we made plans. She kept writing back, saying how excited she was to meet me, and then I never heard from her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 58

New, from L'Oréal!

By oompaloompa - 28/10/2019 12:00

Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 437

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 16:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a swim in his pool. I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that came to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 579

You deserved it 4 457

Technically Correct: The Best Kind of Correct

By Sufia - 28/10/2017 19:51

Today, my teacher called me "stupid and ignorant" for referring to myself as Asian. I'm from Pakistan. Pakistan is in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 459

You deserved it 303

By danii - 04/10/2011 01:19 - Reserved

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 257

You deserved it 54 575

By Emily - 07/02/2012 20:39 - United States

Today, I had to explain to this really intimidating girl that I wasn't giving her a dirty look, and that it was just my face at rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 361

You deserved it 3 004

By Bali_Boil - 16/01/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15 minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 346

You deserved it 6 710

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

heyLaddieHey 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 14:52

If you aren't comfortable enough to poop in the bathroom, you aren't comfortable enough to live together/have sleepovers.

oathkeeper99 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 14:56

Surely he realises you're human and you're gonna poop sometimes? My boyfriend and I often make poop jokes or chat to each other whilst on the toilet, just means we're comfortable with each other. Unless your relationship is still pretty new, you should probably be comfortable pooping in the same house as him, or at least not ashamed enough that you have to pretend you're doing something else!

heyLaddieHey 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 14:52

If you aren't comfortable enough to poop in the bathroom, you aren't comfortable enough to live together/have sleepovers.

Sia_Will 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 17:02

Sometimes that's a little early for that. They could be in the beginning of their relationship and not very comfortable with all that bathroom stuff just yet. But I'm sure her boyfriend was not grossed out by that if he truly loves her.

TheMathMajor 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 18:29

I mean, people sleep over as one night stands. I'm thinking it's just a new relationship. I don't think it's that big of a deal if they've already started sleeping over.

NeatNit 32

Send a private message

Thursday 2 June 2016 15:28

You guys have got it all wrong. OP is embarrassed about the hair dryer, and tried to hide it with the constant sounds of farting and straining. And probably burping too to fill in the gaps.

ChopSuey444 20

Send a private message

Saturday 4 June 2016 3:30

That's all good and well but you're making a lot of assumptions. OP never said they live together. And even if they do, all relationships are different. I mean honestly watch King of The Hill. I know it's just a TV show but men like Hank Hill exist. There's an episode where his wife takes the bathroom door off the hinges and he freaks out.

5secondsofvvifi 21

Send a private message

Saturday 4 June 2016 4:20

OP could have some form of anxiety, this is something similar to what I've done before. I have social anxiety, and lucky for me, that comes with 'toilet anxiety'. I've lived with my family for several years and I still get anxious about peeing if someone's near the bathroom. Public bathrooms are absolute nightmares.

Tyler_Posey 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 14:56

You could've just told him not to enter

chosha_fml 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 18:17

He probably only entered because he heard the hairdryer and figured it was okay.

oathkeeper99 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 14:56

sutima 23

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2016 8:39

I once stood in the doorway of the bathroom talk to my girlfriend as she was pooping a few minutes in she goes, "wait, are eating chips". I look down and realise that I was holding a bowl of chips, and nomming them while talking to my pooping girlfriend ;p Sure is nice to be comfortable with once partner

abNormal62 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 15:04

Multi-tasking at its finest No ifs, ands or butts!

deguwrangler 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 15:06

A hairdryer in a bathroom...?

ksuth 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 15:31

What is questionable about that?

Bubbilility 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 15:44

Maybe #5 is fancy and has a separate toilet and bathroom? But then the question would be 'going to the toilet in the bathroom?!?'

hoosierholla 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 16:24

Where else would it be?

fakedsincerity 32

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 20:09

idk where #5 is from but my house doesn't have electrical sockets in the bathroom (in the UK) so for a second I thought "that's weird" but then realised in places like the US or just newer houses in general have them. I have to dry/straighten/whatever my hair in my bedroom. (:

dannidoll93 24

Wednesday 1 June 2016 15:15

Nothing wrong with wanting to keep the romance alive by being a bit mysterious about your bathroom habits! I am a bit worried about the power outlet in the bathroom though? Be careful OP.

viperAUS 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 15:31

my house bathrooms have power outlet nothing wrong with it

ladycoco8 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 16:15

I thought all bathrooms had outlets? Where else do you plug in your hot tools, or your electric toothbrush or your razor?!

dannidoll93 24

Wednesday 1 June 2016 17:33

Ah, alright. I'm from England and we don't have that here.

domolovesyoshi 33

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 17:37

Yeah we definitely don't have power outlets in bathrooms here

LennyComa 39

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 15:22

Everybody poops. as long as he didn't freak and isn't one of those guys that believes girls don't poop, this will be a funny story between the two of you.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 15:39

Flashnews for you OP, men now know that women poop.

anyagrande 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 June 2016 16:48

Heya, i would always run the tap when im at someones house and need to poop. If you're in a new relationship then its okay to not be completely comfortable around each other yet- but if you've been dating for quite a few months then id just go ahead and tell him to play music when you go to poop if you don't want him to hear you- guys really aren't grossed out by the fact that girls poop (unless he's a lil bitch- then id suggest reevaluating your relationship)- everyone poops!