Intimacy: Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused... - FML

By Oops - 26/09/2011 15:35 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 972

You deserved it 7 848

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Same thing different taste

By fishruinsex - 08/12/2010 08:46

Spicy

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 381

You deserved it 6 009

Moving

By happyasaclam - 19/02/2009 00:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 115

You deserved it 6 058

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 710

You deserved it 5 072

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 727

You deserved it 9 316

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 557

You deserved it 4 043

Expectations

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 226

DJ Perfectionist

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 067

You deserved it 3 111

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 805

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 618

You deserved it 5 730

Libido

By Jena - 05/08/2022 01:00 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 345

Next

Top comments

CryMoreFMLs 14

Monday 26 September 2011 19:10

Fun Sized: Not so fun for everybody. Warning: Funsized might be too small to handle.

every1luvsboners 11

Monday 26 September 2011 19:10

It was tucked into his shoe. It's an old trick so that it doesn't fall out of his pants leg and drag on the ground.

Comments

jcatrucker 6

Sunday 2 October 2011 1:00

Maybe it was hiding from you..

RKD 23

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:34

#221, too funny!!!

babyyninjas 1

Sunday 2 October 2011 23:10

baby dick

1472 0

Monday 3 October 2011 4:36

Are you sure its a guy?

GoneClubbin 9

Tuesday 4 October 2011 4:40

Maybe he's not such a ”Manly Guy” after all

TrolliloliPoP 1

Thursday 20 October 2011 13:38

or maybe he was just afraid of her... shrinking...

SoloDolo_575 0

Thursday 13 October 2011 18:18

Ouch haha

celticpride33 0

Sunday 23 October 2011 23:38

This probably means your boyfriend is a 5th grader

grre12 2

Wednesday 2 November 2011 4:17

Same thing happened to me last night! He asked me later if I knew what I was doing, and 'not to worry about it,' But it's not our fault we couldn't find it. Ugh.

pyrigirl1324 0

Thursday 10 November 2011 0:13

happened to me before...awkward ...

cmabmb112210 0

Saturday 26 November 2011 10:26

He's a grower not a show-er

MzEvryday90 0

Sunday 8 April 2012 16:57

If you have any brains at all you would know that a flaccid penis can be anywhere from 1-5 inches, but that does not mean he's small, it means you're doing wrong!

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I tried to give a four-year-old I was working with a high-five for finishing his math worksheet. He high-fived me with the pencil. And I don't mean the eraser side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 232

You deserved it 634

Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 735

You deserved it 40 836

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 202

You deserved it 3 866

Today, I got a phone call from my boss, who'd hired me after two months of waiting and begging for this position. A week into the job, the company is closing our store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 745

You deserved it 423

Today, I was rejected from the 25th rental I applied to in the last two months. I give up. Guess I'm stuck living with my mother forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 136

Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 447

You deserved it 1 139