Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML
Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML
Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said, "There's my daughter…" He then turned it to me and said "…and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML
Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented, "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML
Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML
Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML
Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML
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Top comments
DarthFurby 0
you were STANDING IN THE DRIVEWAY and you couldn't see that it was a real person? YDI
Jasper_fml 0
you deserved it, ********.
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Comments (139)
tmcnatt2012 0
why and I repeat, WHY would you think it was a dummy?
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Dumbshit
5232jada 4
i woulda tried and played it off like "yeah I know I was just kidding. Shes really pretty just like her mom! how old is she?" lmao
KILLME321 0
Okay what the hell? OP u shud of just kept ur mouth closed n WHY IN THE WORLD WUD THINK SHE WAS DUMMY? R u on crack or sumtin?
chanta24 10
and why would someone perch a dummy on their car? YDI
ArielTheMermaid 17
Instead of asking how you mistake a human for a dummy, I'm gonna ask: since when do they make fat dummies? I'm not trying to be ignorant but I've honestly never seen one.
LizzJizz 16
lol, you ignorant douche..
ZzkekekezZ 0
Awkward.
vhivfe 3
Today I was talking to my neighbor on my driveway and he asked " where'd you get that awful thing?" referring to someone in my car. That was my daughter. FML
Charleigh 3
Today, I was sitting in the car whilst my mom was speaking to a neighbour. I wasn't really paying attention until I heard him say "Where did you get that awful thing?" ..He was talking about me. FML.
jellybeans97 1
you totally deserved it dumbass