Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML
Today, a friend was moving away, and they told me go grab their credit card. I did, and she bought me Dunkin' Donuts, then I tripped and dumped both our drinks. Into her face. I tried to say "Fuck!" and "I didn't mean to do that to you!" but ended up yelling "FUCK YOU!" in the middle of a parking lot. I never saw her again. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with a cute girl when I asked the barista, “Make mine just like hers.” It turns out she'd ordered a decaf soy lavender tea latte. I hate all of those words. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML
Today, I thought I was being smooth by using a pickup line on a cute barista. I confidently said, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." She replied, "Actually, I'm a barista, and everyone else is waiting for their coffee. Next!" FML
Today, I went through the drive-through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response, I started frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, a woman came out to my car and said, "Please pull up to the speaker." I'd been yelling at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
Today, I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk, probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number, and the way she said, "Nah" still haunts me. FML
Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML
Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
yodelqueen13 0
haha mistaken sexual harrassment sucks
arela 0
what the **** who says double D's for dunkin donuts you douche you deserve it
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (323)
rocket9 0
good one
TheLab 0
Really? Come on now how do you expect to charm a girl if you don't use your brain?
MKC_fml 0
well no shit, who refers to dunkin' donuts as 'double D's'?....and why did you think that would be a good opening line anyway? you may as well of just said 'hey we're drinking the same coffee and I'm only talking to you because I want to bang you'
ForeverArtistNow 0
I think this is totally believable, I live in Chicago and everyone here calls it "Double D's". Plus, in this FML he says he's taking the subway, which exists here. He's not being stupid, he's just being chicagoan.
noclevername 0
No-one in the world will be won over by "So, you drink X coffee? We should clearly have sex." Even "Gosh, we're drinking the same coffee, we should clearly have sex", while better, is still pretty feeble.
neverland_fml 0
I don't think anyone would. Even if it is local slang, she may not have been local. She may have been visiting someone. I think food would be the last thing I would think if someone commented on my "double Ds." :|
takemeaway10 0
Screw all of you twats.... if Dane Cook can call it The BK Lounge, then he can call it Double Ds!!! Funny thought: It would be interesting to see him say this to a man.! " What up, dude? You got Double Ds?" "You know what wakes me up in the morning? Double Ds" "When I'm feeling down, all I need is some Double Ds with glaze!" *Calls Dunkin Donuts marketing execs* Another funny scenario: If she only had a B or C cup, she might've taken it as a compliment.
youaresofucked 0
next time use a better pick up line than something to do with coffee tut
Peanu_theGreat 0
THIS IS BRILLIANT. xDD Definitely going to the favorites. 8D
dearladydisdain 0
lololol please learn to think before you speak.