Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML
Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML
Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML
Today, I went for a "relaxing" walk on a local trail. I got chased by an angry goose halfway back to my car. Apparently, it didn’t appreciate my "peaceful" attempt to take a selfie with it. FML
Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML
Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML
Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML
Today, I was trying to scare a squirrel away from my bird feeder. It was on my privacy fence, so I picked up a rock just to throw at the fence to startle it. I hit the squirrel in the head and he fell off on the other side. I don't know if he's okay or not. FML
Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML
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Top comments
TiggityTony 5
Fatality.
gc327072 31
Quietly bring it home and make an epic turkey breast sandwich!
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Comments (247)
xInwex 12
I don't understand how turkeys are still around... Survival of the fittest? I think not
FML_Whale 18
because they breed quickly.
SamiWebs 5
Yeah, they're related to the dodo bird.
LemonandLime 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Because people eat them. Dunno if you know this.
SomeRandomGuy15 18
95- Turkeys are still around... Because people eat them? What?
andrealovvve 17
124- exactly what I was thinking. Made no sense.
enbliss 10
it does make sense, people eat them therefore they breed them like cows and other farm animals
ms_YoungMula 8
Survival of the fittest refers to how much surviving offspring the animal has, since turkeys are bread and survive until adulthood, they are fit.
Nekogami 14
I was not aware they were a starch. >:) @ above "bread".
LemonandLime 13
It does make sense. They don't need to be the join the survival of the fittest because we make sure they breed to survive and protect them because we farm them for food. It's really not that complicated.
ColdplaySucks 18
That's one way to save ammunition while hunting.
Mister_Triangle 21
The other is to stalk the animal, follow it home, and strangle it with a pillow while it sleeps.
karlcolt45 19
clearly a suicidal turkey
berryblizzard 11
That turkeys survival skills were poor..
dancinwookie 21
I think the turkey had just given up on life at this point.
Pleonasm 36
It went cold turkey...
ChefAwesome 13
Wow. You get the douchebag of the year award. Good job.
iAlissa 34
Yes, he totally meant to kill the turkey. I see no douchebaggery, it was an accident.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Two hot chicks arguing! Stand by for more...
SirCharles83 13
I would hate to hear what 20 would have said if op did it on purpose.
andyyroxx 20
Then she would appreciate it, being a chef from Le Cordon Bleu and all.
ChefAwesome 13
He shouldn't have been trying to shoo it away like that in the first place! It wasn't hurting him.
idgaf528 6
So you're saying that you have to wait before the turkey viciously attacks you and gets the advantage by already being in your face flapping and pecking and shit before you just try to shoo it away? "Shoo" it away Not trying to kick the crap out of it until it leaves But just nudge your foot in a way to scare the creature to leave you alone? That's wrong? Now I understand if he was just trying to beat the shit out of the turkey before he got attacked...but not just trying to scare it away bro sorry
WrongRomance 11
With minimal effort, you now have dinner. Turkey is delicious.
bishbosh 7
Why would you fake-kick a turkey? What's the worst it could do in following you? At least some hungry animals had something to eat that night.
BostonBear 33
on the plus side you went for a stroll and got free dinner
wildmonkey 16
That was so mean! Why couldn't you just let it follow you? Now you've murdered someone. That turkey was just as important as you. You sick bastard.
jpparkenbone 1
Calm down, it's a turkey. Besides, it was an accident.
SeepingSarcasm 7
Really? He ''murdered someone?'' You're kidding right? If you aren't, I think by your standards I'm a serial killer!
phorn84 13
Is the "was just as important as you" a thinly veiled reference to The Doctor's "900 years of time and space and I've never met anyone who wasn't important" by any chance?
Brandonep 13
The lives of animals are clearly just important as those of people... Oh damn, I just stepped on an ant, I might as well just go down to the police station and turn myself in.
Raesin 21
Well, yes. The only reason you think human life is important is because you are a human. Survival of the species and all that. If you were a dog, you would think a dogs life was more important than a humans. The only difference being that humans kill and destroy without hesitation or regret. Looks odd? Kill it. Acts different? Kill it. Don't understand? Kill it. Dogs on the other hand, do not and are not really even aware that the spider they just snorted into oblivion was a living thing that could feel pain. Humans are aware of such facts but simply choose to ignore them.
wildmonkey 16
Sorry I overreacted but my dog of 13 yrs. just had just died because he got hit by a car and I was super emotional. It sucks for the guy and the turkey.
wildmonkey 16
And no phorn84