Miscellaneous: Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when...

By Stingraybeemonster - 07/04/2016 08:51 - Thailand

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 365

You deserved it 2 269

Miscellaneous

Triage

Taking stock

That's a hard no, Patricia

Blasphemy

By IAMALITAHA - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 182

You deserved it 4 584

By spitballer1 - 06/07/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 133

You deserved it 29 011

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 22:00

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 457

By fuzzy - 23/09/2009 10:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. We haven't seen each other for a while so for a surprise, a few days ago, I decided to shave my pubic hair. I've come up in a huge rash that looks like some sort of infection. Not quite the sexy surprise I was hoping for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 621

You deserved it 6 835

Forever alone man

By Boyufd - 02/01/2021 08:00

Today, I feel so lonely I talked to the likely scam number that called me. Even then they hung up after 2 minutes of talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 158

By SkottLong - 10/03/2015 06:19 - United States - Logan

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 267

You deserved it 8 396

By GrossedOutKary - 19/05/2010 19:20 - Puerto Rico

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 829

You deserved it 3 385

By hmb - 16/09/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 006

You deserved it 2 898

By macaroni17 - 10/04/2014 02:33 - United States - New Oxford

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 932

You deserved it 12 755

By JazzSpazz - 11/08/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 840

You deserved it 24 018

By ashleyevans - 04/04/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 973

You deserved it 191 644

By commando - 27/09/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I was preparing to perform with my marching band at a competition. Right before we went on, a tuba player friend of mine offered to help me stretch. He wound up snapping my bra. I'm a drum major, and had to conduct the entire show while my boobs were falling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 937

You deserved it 5 658

By Anonymous - 20/01/2012 23:33 - France

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 799

You deserved it 5 437

By diablo - 23/05/2018 19:00

Today, I assisted my first customer at my first job as a Target cashier. When I rang up this lady's items and gave her the total, not only did she hiss at me and spit in my face, but she also dragged my manager over and demanded that he fire me. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 354

You deserved it 294

By Anonymous - 14/05/2013 11:13 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 761

You deserved it 24 878

By OhDearGodGrandad - 07/02/2016 17:59 - United Kingdom - Ilford

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 678

You deserved it 2 118

By adults acting like children - 17/09/2016 20:31 - United States - Danvers

Today, it's been almost two weeks since any of my relatives have talked to me. They are still mad because I didn't go on a Labor Day trip with them and I've found out why. Apparently, they had plans for me to babysit my younger cousins any time they wanted to do something fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 838

You deserved it 769

By Lost - 14/01/2010 15:57 - United States

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 230

You deserved it 3 139

By unknown951 - 29/11/2010 07:11

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 581

You deserved it 4 747

By DroppedTheSoap - 26/04/2019 04:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 917

You deserved it 303

By JpL - 25/04/2019 02:00

Today, I asked my Instagram followers out of curiosity who their favourite influencer was. Someone replied, without knowing it doesn’t come up anonymously, “Not you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 2 127

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 03:25 - France

Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 519

You deserved it 13 843

Nice neighborhood you've got here

By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 01:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 454

You deserved it 3 979

By mylifesucks22 - 29/12/2009 06:01 - United States

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream. I dreamt that I got a promotion at work and doubled my income, the dream was so great that I tried so hard not to wake up. When I did wake up it was 10 o'clock, two hours late for work I noticed I had a voicemail from my boss. I was fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 523

You deserved it 32 107

Hair of the dog

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 00:01

Today, I spent 15 minutes scrubbing the bathtub, just to have my roommate come home and give their dog a bath in it. They didn't even rinse it or pull the hair out. I don't know what makes it more annoying, that I'm 6 months pregnant and do all the cleaning while working full-time, or that we have a hose outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 453

You deserved it 186

By Delicious - 21/03/2016 02:09 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I used fly spray on my muffin tray instead of olive oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 496

You deserved it 7 104

Life imitates bad art

By sex sent me to the Er - 15/10/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 1 965

By seamonkeys - 21/03/2013 09:42 - United States

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 262

You deserved it 13 047

By tj - 26/08/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 528

You deserved it 9 048

Make plans, Mom laughs

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 16:00

Today, as I can’t afford a “real” vacation, I’m trying to get my car converted for camping in time for what promises to be perfect weather next week. Meanwhile, my mom booked a trip to Switzerland. For next week. Guess who gets to stay home and feed the animals? FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 110

By Overlord247 - 28/06/2019 07:05 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 442

By Sickie. - 02/09/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 265

You deserved it 59 855

By sadcapri96 - 23/06/2011 21:40 - United States

Today, the old lady I've been taking care of and running errands for died. She hadn't paid me yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 510

You deserved it 47 223

By anonymous - 19/07/2012 23:56 - United States - La Verne

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 774

You deserved it 41 577

By wellfuck - 15/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 2 219

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 124

You deserved it 7 891

By Anonymous - 15/12/2015 18:10 - Germany - Munich

Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 2 580

Thanks for the heads up

By thanksbro - 20/09/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 860

You deserved it 3 021

By ulrika - 24/07/2016 01:09 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 847

You deserved it 4 169

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 198

You deserved it 96 255

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Top comments

Anonymist 21

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Thursday 7 April 2016 17:13

If you really stepped on an urchin, you'd be more than "startled".

Emma1562 35

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Thursday 7 April 2016 17:12

Hey it was better than getting stung by a stingray.

BDanzeisen 20

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Thursday 7 April 2016 17:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

CrassKal 27

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Thursday 7 April 2016 19:12

That's an urban legend perpetuated by an episode of Friends. Also, it refers jellyfish stings while most sea urchins aren't venomous.

themermaid_a 14

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Friday 8 April 2016 5:31

Actually no. It really doesn't.

fmyinternet 13

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Friday 8 April 2016 14:46

Chill guys it's a joke! Nice one!

Lunchy306 8

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Friday 8 April 2016 19:43

vinegar and water dude. urine can cause infections.

Lunchy306 8

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Friday 8 April 2016 19:45

Actually they are, no its not an urban legend, it does work, but it's not recommended. And I think Hawaii has been around for a little while longer than 'Friends'.

devinaww 15

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Sunday 10 April 2016 6:23

Just a little

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Thursday 7 April 2016 17:11

Be happy that you didn't end up Down Under. It could've been way worse.

Bonngoo 34

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Thursday 7 April 2016 18:12

I see you on every post...

iamahappypenguin 14

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Thursday 7 April 2016 22:40

#13, I like your husky!

Myeyesbleed 15

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Friday 8 April 2016 4:11

#wannabepsychologist

Emma1562 35

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Thursday 7 April 2016 17:12

Hey it was better than getting stung by a stingray.

ChocolateScyther 19

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Thursday 7 April 2016 23:22

Steve Irwin can attest to that

Kitouran 30

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Friday 8 April 2016 2:27

Actually, Steve Irwin's biggest mistake was in pulling the stinger out. That was the largest part of what killed him.

Estrangement 25

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Friday 8 April 2016 6:46

26, I nearly spit my drink out at that one. Dark humor is the best humor.

Anonymist 21

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Thursday 7 April 2016 17:13

If you really stepped on an urchin, you'd be more than "startled".

YourOpinionSucks 22

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Thursday 7 April 2016 20:31

Yeah, going to have to call bullshit on this. Also, which lame moderator is letting these ridiculously boring/regular fmls be published? Even if this one is a legitimate story, boo fuckity hoo, you were "startled" a couple of times. I don't think that deserves to be on this site.

Aerobic_Exorcism 13

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Thursday 7 April 2016 21:19

Unfortunately all the FMLs posted for moderation are either boring, contain numerous spelling errors, out of format, fake, or boring in general. I'm assuming these boring ones are the best of the bad FMLs.