Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML
Today, I was showing my grandson how to blow out the candles on his birthday cake. I got a little too close and set my hair on fire. The candles remained lit but my grandson was too terrified to go near them after the whole ordeal. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I found out how it feels to have my groin catch fire due to a magic trick going wrong. FML
Today, I burned myself while cooking, so I asked my mom to get the burn cream while I waited in the kitchen. While I was waiting, I absentmindedly set my hand on the hot stove, earning myself a second burn. FML
Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML
Today, after many hours of practice, I tried to demonstrate my magic tricks to my friends. What wasn't part of the show was accidentally setting my pants on fire and having to put it out with a glass of red wine. FML
Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML
Today, after spending 2 years growing out my hair, rubbing in oils to make it strong and healthy so I could shave it off and donate to a cancer charity to make wigs, I had a mishap at work with a car's cracked petrol tank. I now have 2nd degree facial burns and like 90% of the hair is burned away. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML
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Top comments
1Username1 17
Why were you trying to show a 4 year old a magic trick with fire anyways? Hope you'll both heal soon.
CrassKal 27
I really hope it stopped at the hair and she didn't get burnt as well. No offense towards you, but I'm more sympathetic towards the child.
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Comments (57)
snarkytruth 37
I'm sorry honey next time daddy is allowed visitation I'll show you a cool snake charmer trick or how to saw someone in half..... Might want to stick to silk scarves and sponge balls
pancakessdsjsn 17
You are a complete idiot.
AdmiralRiffRaff 7
Well you're just an irresponsible parent.
SharSjar 7
OP, you're the worst parent ever! Why would you show your 4y old a fire trick? Kids these days follow actions of those he or she lives with and/or look up to. So if she is 7 a 9y old or whatsoever and she burns the house down because "mommy/daddy taught me"... There goes your insurance. YDI!
KillMePlsKThx 7
Welp, welcome to Child Protective Services.
sharond23 10
what kind of idiot are you? obviously you dont know what you're doing and should never have been near a child.
randybryant799 21
I think child protective services needs to pay you a visit.