Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Today, at the gym, I caught sight of myself in the mirror while lifting weights and thought, “Damn, I look good!” I smiled. Then I realized the mirror was actually a window. A group of people outside had been watching me flex with a shit-eating grin on my face for God know how long. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
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Top comments
bnutts 4
Well. Use your other arm, problem solved.
kcTheGreat 2
Wow..if you can actually see a difference it's time to get a girlfriend or at least a hobby..
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Comments (210)
XxQuartersxX 14
Woah. Can you spell single? Lol
swedeNix 13
Sooooo.....? Is it ms Right, or Luna Leftgood? :)
BRobbins1 14
kelp it up and you could become a professional arm wrestler
Dfma100 10
Doesn't matter had a One Job they don't call it a hand job for nothing
TisButAScratch 10
Dude that's not an FML. Every man faces that problem
BlueOcelot 21
It's like that for everyone, their dominant hand has more muscle since you use it for almost everything. It's not in direct relation to masturbation necessarily.