Today, I was once again escorted out of a supermarket by a police officer. I must be the only 83-year-old who still has his marbles, but people always assume I am senile and wandering from a care center. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML
Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML
Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML
Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML
Today my 98-year-old grandad has Alzheimer’s and seems to think I’m his senior officer from his first years as a police officer. Apparently a lot of illegal shit went on in those days, when cops were bigger crooks than the actual criminals were. FML
Today, I was at Wal-Mart where all the aisles had been moved. An elderly woman asked me where the pet products were, so I told her that I didn't know, but showed her where they could be. An hour later, she came back with security. She'd told them I'd purposefully gotten her lost. They threw me out. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML
Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML
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Top comments
Ali Alexandrea 16
83 and on FML, damn I'm impressed
EarthsMightiestHeroes 20
My great uncle has the same problem. He's 96 and still drives himself around. His only problem is he's got hearing problems, and he's loud as a result. But people just assume he's a crazy old man and kick him out of places, and call his kids to come get him. It's humiliating for him.
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Comments (16)
tonyfan00 38
In the supermarket's defense, the Mall Cops need to be occupied with something on a regular basis...otherwise they either fall asleep on the job or end up in a movie.
Brad Fischer 7
Stop walking around in slippers and a bath robe.
MrCanoe 5
Yes 83 years old and posting a site like FML...seems legit. Also people don't get kicked out of grocery stores for just looking elderly. You would have to be looking dazed and confused, possibly under dressed like pushing an empty cart around or just wondering the store aimlessly.
Bubbilility 27
I wander around grocery stores looking lost and aimless. Granted I'm 25 and look it, but that's still a flawed criteria.
Takegami 22
Learn martial arts. That’ll teach him
Mynxie 26
That is a clear case of ageism. Sorry you have to deal with idiots. My Granddad was as sharp as a nail before he passed and he was 81.
peithecelt 28
I hope when I'm 83 that I'm not scared of tech and that I'm bitching about getting old in whatever the 2061 equivalent of FML is, the way you are.