Work: Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an...

By justdoingmyjob - 18/07/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 331

You deserved it 3 124

Work

Sorry…

This Charming Man

Crossword anxiety

By Harry - 20/07/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 538

You deserved it 3 187

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 06:52 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 812

You deserved it 3 817

By BDayssuck - 02/09/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 551

You deserved it 3 110

Rubbing one out on the sly

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:56 - United States - Camarillo

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 282

You deserved it 2 408

By theonlychildd1 - 02/08/2011 23:46 - United States

Today, a friend from work threw a party. We each had to dress up as a deceased celebrity. I thought it'd be a perfect time to dress up as Marilyn Monroe. When I arrived to the party, my boss said, "But... Rosie O'Donnell isn't dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 353

You deserved it 6 638

Second opinion, please

By fishyrael - 25/08/2021 22:01 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I went to a new doctor for an injury. Instead, the doctor only focused on my weight and tried to basically prescribe me anorexia. She tried to tell me that 750 calories a day was fine and brushed off my exercise regimen as, "Exercise is great, but you'll lose weight faster if there are no calories to burn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 140

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 507

Size zero

By Hannah - 27/03/2021 05:01

Today, I have been trying for 5 days to gain weight. Which for me, requires stuffing myself to the point of exploding. I haven’t slept in days because I'm constantly digesting food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 231

By notabadserver - 31/03/2016 17:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the head chef at work yelled at me for not knowing the difference between two sauces. I couldn't win the argument, even after a coworker admitted to filling both bottles with the same sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 024

You deserved it 1 310

Comfortably…

By MrZach - 21/11/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 858

You deserved it 33 867

By missmom83 - 24/04/2014 15:28 - United States - Torrington

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from 3rd grade and figured out how to play the highest pitch note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of ibuprofen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 014

You deserved it 5 470

By kittydead - 29/01/2009 01:05 - Canada

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 913

You deserved it 37 109

By off-balance - 16/01/2016 15:00 - Finland

Today, as I was trying to get off a crowded train, some asshole pushed past me hard enough to nearly knock me over. My bag hit a preschool kid standing behind me, and I missed my stop trying to apologize to him. His mom yelled at me all the way to the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 908

You deserved it 1 410

By SadMan - 19/01/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 366

You deserved it 7 359

By livvlynette - 27/02/2010 10:15 - Australia

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying the make chitchat, he says "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 4 243

By guessthatsatrickthen - 31/10/2015 17:19 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of trick or treaters. It was actually a naked man. He wanted to come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 082

You deserved it 1 950

By Lord Kane of Flatulon - 06/10/2015 11:13 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 787

You deserved it 1 658

By nacho - 24/01/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 013

You deserved it 4 318

By spanishgirl101 - 10/02/2010 02:52 - Canada

Today, I fell down the stairs, and my uncle came rushing over because he thought it was his 1 year old son. He saw me lying on the ground and said, "Oh. It's you," and then left to watch the hockey game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 852

You deserved it 3 065

By pong - 06/08/2013 21:59 - France - Toulouse

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 907

You deserved it 4 047

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 767

You deserved it 9 140

Hurry up

By lauren_rox - 08/11/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants round my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 368

You deserved it 13 665

By xtammyle - 19/02/2013 07:01 - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 523

You deserved it 4 489

By sicksicksick - 19/06/2013 17:23 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 542

You deserved it 3 667

By Anonymous - 25/06/2016 09:02 - United States - Allen

Today, I got screamed and honked at by a driver who felt I was in the way of his turn. I was on foot, and on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 827

You deserved it 923

By Anonymous - 18/06/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 705

You deserved it 3 841

By busybuzzybee - 17/08/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 419

You deserved it 2 844

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 15:31

Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 311

You deserved it 37 238

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 811

You deserved it 3 210

By Anonymous - 03/03/2011 21:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 921

You deserved it 7 232

By Catherine - 10/06/2012 18:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I confronted my husband over the fact that despite me working two jobs to support us for the last three years, we're nowhere near our goal of buying a house. He actually had the brass balls to defend pissing my money down the drain on his ceramic cat collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 585

You deserved it 5 934

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 017

You deserved it 10 797

By chawlay - 05/07/2011 14:04 - United States

Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 814

You deserved it 4 609

By notaprossie - 03/02/2010 08:42 - South Africa

Today, I went to a dress up party. The theme was pirates and prostitutes. At the door I was handed a voucher that said: 'Thank you for dressing up. Collect your free drink at the bar.' I didn't dress up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 525

You deserved it 39 081

By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 05:55 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 839

You deserved it 8 772

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 14:06 - Canada

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 873

You deserved it 39 308

By Anonymous - 24/05/2013 07:18 - United States

Today, my piano teacher complimented my song, calling it great. I was proud and thanked him, then realized he was being sarcastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 624

You deserved it 4 890

By CzechMeOut - 04/08/2009 13:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 349

You deserved it 3 634

By lulumars - 14/06/2015 17:06 - United States

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 733

You deserved it 2 614

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 15:37 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 994

You deserved it 2 654

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Top comments

Fouisgras 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:43

OP should post what city, haha

raiderh808 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:46

Politicians lol

looloothing 9

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:42

what the hell? haa.

Fouisgras 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:43

OP should post what city, haha

ichat21 9

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Sunday 19 July 2009 6:09

haha i agree. Which city was it? Maybe miami?

lexiieeex3 32

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Friday 2 May 2014 8:50

Sounds like Bloomberg.

raiderh808 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:46

Politicians lol

nazooer 11

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:46

Omg hahahaa i haven't laughed this hard in a long time!

Yendil 0

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:29

Im in tears from laughing so hard

tick_tock 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:46

Wow, that REALLY sucks. That guy is a stinky ass bitch! What city??

suckager 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:47

Another reason people hate those sneaky bastards

sublime93 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:48

7th

kira1kira 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:49

he who smelt it delt it

DirtyDiana_fml 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:50

9th

airplanefood 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 1:51

Free brownie points for you at least?

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 4

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 141

Rubbing one out on the sly

Second opinion, please

Size zero

Comfortably…

Hurry up

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