Health: Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's...

By monkeywrench - 30/08/2015 11:29 - Sweden

Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 962

You deserved it 1 781

Health

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 171

You deserved it 4 204

By cedechan - 29/09/2012 04:08 - United States - Tucson

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 708

You deserved it 2 470

You OK in there?

By stinkypants - 10/11/2011 03:15 - India

Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 779

You deserved it 11 853

By Redhairchick - 06/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 047

You deserved it 927

By Crap - 30/07/2015 00:57 - United States - Seminole

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 160

You deserved it 1 708

Drugs are bad, mkay ?

By theshitguy - 15/06/2021 08:01 - Australia - Kedron

Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 1 148

buys case of Listerine

By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 930

You deserved it 348

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 425

You deserved it 11 639

Toilet training

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 343

You deserved it 2 767

limegreenpoopie 31

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:43

Oh I'm so sorry :( that sucks

inhindsight 11

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:52

Now that's not a cute look at all

Comments

limegreenpoopie 31

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:43

Oh I'm so sorry :( that sucks

_imacooldude_ 10

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

cameron6731 13

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

meli1195 31

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:50

because it isn't ifunny. comments are displayed in the order they were posted.

RedPillSucks 31

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:50

cause its too close to the "shitty situation" comment

MassiDelta 28

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:46

Talk about a... Shitty situation! Anybody? No? Ok...

MassiDelta 28

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:49

I know that was a pretty... Crappy pun!

MassiDelta 28

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:42

I'm serious, these puns really suck. I'm sorry

thatnakedguy 17

Sunday 30 August 2015 20:11

Much like the plunger the college would of used after the incident

J_Kertz 14

Tuesday 1 September 2015 11:21

NO. GOD. PLEASE GOD NO. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

RenamonFucksLuna 21

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:48

Well... Damn dude...

MagnusDeus 24

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:49

That just sounds like an all around bummer.

inhindsight 11

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:52

Now that's not a cute look at all

chriss2015 13

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:58

Hopefully they where understanding. Sorry about your luck OP ?

bigbluetardis 21

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:14

That's awful to hear OP. I hope you feel better soon!

WOTAN1488 24

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:30

Shittiness intensifies.

MandyO 15

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:34

How did the colleague only have three sheets of toilet paper in the whole house while hosting a party?

RedPillSucks 31

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:52

agreed. that is a poor host

Keywords

DIY Kids Health Ableism Work Money Revenge Intimacy Awkward Love Relatable Therapist Weird Harassment Coffee Skincare Embarrassing Argument Parents Anger issues Mental health Miscellaneous Family Sex Confused Cheating My ex Facebook Social Media Babies

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I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 211

Today, my subordinate didn't come to work. I called him several times, and it seemed like he just overslept, which has happened before. As I was filing the report about this, the police came to interrogate me because this guy took his life last night and blamed us in his note. I have no idea what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 419

The Top

Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 956

You deserved it 1 241

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 488

You deserved it 4 686

Today, I had just got a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I thought it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 941

You deserved it 104 173

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 136

You deserved it 3 973

Today, I told my supervisor how awful my coworker was at her job. I then got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 514

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 105

You deserved it 4 661

Same thing different taste

Hot lava from both ends

You OK in there?

Drugs are bad, mkay ?

*buys case of Listerine*

Toilet training

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buys case of Listerine