Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door,... - FML

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

By Alice - 21/2/2014 06:59

Tom Fonder's illustrated FML

Hey folks! Today is special. We have to admit we're quite excited to welcome one hell of a guy, one who can draw the most expressive...

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By nicholascageonyourface / Sunday 9 June 2013 05:13 / United States

Creepy

Social distancing gone wrong

The end of the road

By worriedman - 3/7/2015 15:52 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend told me that once you love somebody you can never truly fall "out of love" with them. She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about her ex. FML

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By Mug - 24/4/2012 20:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

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By Prae - 1/10/2012 05:47 - United States - Dallas

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

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By bob - 11/9/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, I was eating noodles. Midway through chewing, I sneezed. The noodles got stuck in my nose. FML

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By nerdsgetmehot - 29/12/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, six months have passed since my parents announced that they're getting a divorce. We're all still awkwardly living together because we haven't been able to sell our house yet. FML

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By BOOP - 17/2/2012 13:25 - United States

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2018 19:00

Today, I got my period during my dance solo. My costume was white. FML

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By I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

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By Kate - 23/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2010 05:40 - United States

Today, I took my 8 year old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party. I reluctantly was forced into playing one game. Apparently, no one explained the rules to one child and instead of 'shooting' me with his laser pointer, he kicked me straight in the balls. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2014 16:19 - United States - Naperville

Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML

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By geedeewhy - 1/1/2019 04:00

Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML

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By Cindell Hanson - 2/3/2020 05:00

Kids these days…

Today, a student told me to fuck off. I work with 3 year-olds. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2012 02:32 - United States

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

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By anonymous2.0 - 12/10/2012 06:15 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML

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By ronniewciv - 30/12/2011 07:48

Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, "Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it." She then tipped me 21 cents. FML

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By iloveyoutoomom - 8/6/2011 13:03 - France

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2011 12:53 - United States

Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

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By mwja - 26/2/2011 22:59 - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 06:21 - United States

Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2015 09:26 - United States - Lexington

Today, my husband won't seek medical treatment for a condition he's been living with for years because he saw an episode of House, in which the treatment made the condition worse in a very rare instance. FML

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By Sexting Parents - 16/11/2012 02:45 - United States - Short Hills

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

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By Bogrbon - 21/4/2020 14:00

It's called fashion Dave, look it up

Today, since we can’t go out due to the quarantine, my wife decided she wanted to shave my back with a razor. Two hours later, I have a sore back and I look like I'm wearing the front half of the worlds ugliest sweater vest. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2013 07:32 - United States - Sparks

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2013 07:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2014 18:28 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 22:00

Today, I got into an accident and my bike broke. My insurance expired 5 days ago and the accident wasn't even my fault. The lady was on the phone and on the wrong side of the road. She's threatening to sue me even though her car is in better condition. There are no witnesses and no cameras either. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2012 02:45 - United States - Miami

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2010 06:11 - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old man in a motorized wheelchair. He missed the door, hit my foot, and called me an asshole for getting in his way. FML

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By armywife980 - 3/5/2011 05:01

Today, after teaching my 4 year old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2015 00:59 - United States - Ocean Springs

Today, I got out of the shower and walked into my living room to see my sis' and her boyfriend sitting very closely on our family's fairly large couch. I laughed and said, "Look at the happy couple." Then her now ex-boyfriend burst into tears. Turns out they'd just broken up. FML

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By aligator1009 - 9/5/2012 04:54 - United States

Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML

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By x_udontknowme_x - 5/1/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML

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By CoolStoryBro - 29/3/2013 08:23

Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML

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By notasgood - 12/1/2010 23:54 - United States

All in the family

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

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By unemployed - 9/11/2018 15:30

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call for an interview. Right in the middle of the call, my phone hung up so the music app could open. I tried calling them back and got no response. FML

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By Mamaofdrama - 6/4/2019 18:00

Today, I was working on potty training my daughter. She opened the fridge while I wasn't looking and peed all over the lower shelf. FML

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By Helpful Smile - 26/1/2016 02:56 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, my boss used our communal notebook to bitch out our entire department for not leaving a note notifying her that one of the machines was down. She wrote it on the same page as the note I left saying that one of the machines was down. FML

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Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#5527217 - Sunday 9 June 2013 15:54

You interrupted the sacred Cage ritual. You shall die for your transgression!

By SWC_Penguin | 17

#5527246 - Sunday 9 June 2013 16:00

Mask? No, that was Nicholas Cage wearing a floral dress.

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#5527217 - Sunday 9 June 2013 15:54

You interrupted the sacred Cage ritual. You shall die for your transgression!

Reply

lp5252 | 4

#5527240 - Sunday 9 June 2013 15:58

drop the pizza and fucking run!

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5527274 - Sunday 9 June 2013 16:20

Yeah but what happened to John Travolta's face??? Maybe the cats ate it?

Reply

SadGirl18 | 16

#5527332 - Sunday 9 June 2013 17:16

He got caged.

Reply

JereMy_Life | 6

#5905863 - Saturday 5 April 2014 18:12

Maybe he didn't interrupt it, because it hadnt started yet: she was waiting for him to be part of it ! That's why she called the pizza delivery guy. Hadn't he leaved, he would be wearing a Nicolas Cage mask right now...

By Melix | 31

#5527229 - Sunday 9 June 2013 15:56

She was partying hard with her cats. Lol.

Reply

DyslexicPanda | 12

#5527285 - Sunday 9 June 2013 16:31

OP should be glad she didn't want to wear HIS face

Reply

Melix | 31

#5527317 - Sunday 9 June 2013 16:59

Imagine if she was wearing his face already when she opened the door? O.O

Reply

nevereyes | 31

#5870395 - Thursday 27 February 2014 7:47

That would make for a good creepypasta.

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DarksideDoll | 31

#5872117 - Saturday 1 March 2014 3:48

That's a little too intense.

By k_lylepad | 19

#5527231 - Sunday 9 June 2013 15:56

That's some Paranormal Activity shit. Put the pizza down and walk away very slowly.

Reply

HolyCrepe | 10

#5527412 - Sunday 9 June 2013 18:38

I wouldn't be leaving slowly if I saw that...

Reply

xSphinx | 18

#5872289 - Saturday 1 March 2014 7:00

how is that paranormal activity? you're stupid, stop breathing.

By brittyboo123 | 35

#5527234 - Sunday 9 June 2013 15:57

Interesting people in the world.

By guy24 | 9

#5527236 - Sunday 9 June 2013 15:57

That awkward moment when...

Reply

ImWhiteBoy_WhoRU | 10

#5527599 - Sunday 9 June 2013 20:34

...Your comment isn't funny

Reply

seventhejellyman | 12

#5865928 - Saturday 22 February 2014 20:45

I see what you did there

By Miq999 | 5

#5527238 - Sunday 9 June 2013 15:58

Some really fucking weird people out there

By samabomination | 19

#5527243 - Sunday 9 June 2013 15:59

Congrats! You won the contest! As your job of a pizza delivery guy the contest was to find a person weirder than the people at Walmart! Your prize? Scars for life.

Reply

linyah | 11

#5527386 - Sunday 9 June 2013 18:07

not sure on that..i worked for sam's club a while back and we have our famous megatron lady. claimed she is the mother of god, and megatron is coming to get us. Though, i would of been amused to see what OP saw.

Reply

cmayer | 20

#5527519 - Sunday 9 June 2013 19:34

Sure she didn't say metatron? Bc god + megaton = plain crazy but god + metatron = makes sense but maybe still a little crazy

Reply

nevereyes | 31

#5870400 - Thursday 27 February 2014 7:50

Well I work with a guy who calls himself "hey Zeus" and hits things with a stick of celery.....

Reply

sergei_yusef | 11

#5955128 - Saturday 24 May 2014 19:44

#87 his name would be Jèsus. the way he says it is how the Spanish pronounce it. I'm guessing that it's Spanish that is.

By killmeslowly5 | 5

#5527244 - Sunday 9 June 2013 16:00

This made my day at least you know she's a funny lady

By SWC_Penguin | 17

#5527246 - Sunday 9 June 2013 16:00

Mask? No, that was Nicholas Cage wearing a floral dress.

Reply

JFloUnknown | 24

#5527376 - Sunday 9 June 2013 17:57

With his Nicolas Cage breed cats.

By MissEmma_fml | 22

#5527251 - Sunday 9 June 2013 16:02

"All of my characters have a glint of madness." - Nicolas Cage.

Sounds like your woman is embracing the madness! Just go with it, who doesn't want to prance about in a Nicolas Cage mask? I know I have!

*leans on wall of padded cell*