maryfaithh
United States
Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
United States
Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML
Anonymous
Cooked
Today, I tried to make mashed potatoes but then went into another room to wait on them, then forgot about them, ruining my only big pot and a full bag of potatoes. FML
razordot
Brisbane, Australia
Today, after complaining all my life that no one makes a decent can opener, I have realised that I have been using them the wrong way. I finally figured out that the cutting blade goes on the SIDE of the can not the TOP. I'm 57 years old. FML
missgayle319
United States
Today, I decided to finally try out the veggie slicer I bought a few months ago to make healthy homemade potato chips. Along with the sliced potatoes, I am now missing about a quarter inch chunk of skin from the side of my hand and quite a bit of blood. At least the chips were good. FML
dumbbb
United States
Great idea
Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML
Anonymous
San Francisco, United States
The war on pickles
Today, I spent my lunch break trying to open a jar of pickles that had been stuck for weeks. I finally gave up and asked a coworker for help. He tapped the lid once with a spoon and it opened immediately. I'd been fighting a pickle jar every day for a month. FML
nessacadesa
United States
Slicy slicy
Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
Anonymous
United States
Check your luggage
Today, I borrowed a friend's suitcase for a trip. At the airport, security pulled me aside because there was a small metal object inside. I opened the suitcase expecting something suspicious and found a potato peeler. My friend had used the suitcase for groceries the week before. FML
Tired Tater
Christchurch, New Zealand
Mush
Today, I over-boiled some potatoes. I was having a bad day and this tipped me over the edge. I burst into tears and threw the potatoes all over my kitchen. I then stomped on the piping hot potatoes. The bottoms of my feet are blistered and still feel like they’re burning. FML
Anonymous
Today, I found out what rotten cooked potato both smells and tastes like. FML
Top comments
that1guyyy 12
That's uncanny
DocBastard 40
You dumbass! The potato peeler is for mixing things, and the can opener is for slicing pizza. You're supposed to use the microwave to open cans. Everyone knows that.
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Comments (134)
jane_marie 12
Take a break.
Michael_92 20
But if we keep her going we can see even weirder things than this. Sarcasm finished yea time to just rest up for a day or week.
maryam8869 7
i can feel you ,. its when your mind is over thinking
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I agree with 10. You'd have to be drunk not to know the difference haha.
linkinpark98 24
Careful now, you don't want to hurt yourself. I hear potato peelers were used in WWII and many men suffered. :o
krad204 21
I guess you can peel the can?
linkinpark98 24
Nope. Peeling is for amateurs. Gutting the can with only your nose is the way to go.
eigelste 0
You might be a redneck if....
Michael_92 20
You make a crappy redneck joke?
DQEight 8
You screw animals when no one is looking?
RedPillSucks 33
And if people are looking, you're ...
flockz 20
my uncle.
PenguinSwag47 0
Nice teamwork everybody!
desireev 18
41- I resent that very much! I am what you call a 'redneck' and we, in fact, do NOT screw animals. To be precise, there are far more ********** crimes on record in Illinois and Indiana than anywhere in the country.
matt_mcg 2
No you're not.
sassypenguinxox 15
Hey, it is not nice to judge how people try to open their cans, trying to peel a can open is very original :-p
perdix 31
You should have tried opening the can with your vibrator. It would take a long time and the contents would eventually erupt out of the can. And then the can would wonder why it ever needed to be opened by a man.
DrMime 10
What...?
TheFirstSamurai 18
Listen DrMime, This is what perdix implies, The can is female. Was it necessary for me to respond in haiku? No, but I felt my reply needed a bit of piz-zazz.
perdix 31
Before I explain it to you, I ask you to show my comment to a female friend of yours and ask her to explain. You never know, one thing might lead to another and you could end up with either (ee) sex or green beans -- a no-lose situation if there ever was one.
linkinpark98 24
52 - You clever bastard!
Wolvy_fml 3
So, do you know now?
kreepers 6
NOT FML MATERIAL
perdix 31
Today, I ran my cruise ship aground and killed a bunch of people. FML. Yeah, that's the kind of shit we want to hear.
TheFirstSamurai 18
FML Follow up: "Don't worry guys I got on the lifeboat first."
DQEight 8
Well I slipped and fell Onto a life boat
loleepops 10
Actually he was "magically projected" off the cruise ship into a lifeboat.