Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
Today, I reached into my wardrobe to get ready for the day, when something hairy tickled my hand. Imagine my shock seeing a fully-grown wolf spider staring me down from a coat hanger. I grabbed the can of bug spray and let him have it. Half the can later, I now need to re-wash my entire closet. Damn arachnophobia. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML
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Top comments
Bobby319 24
Time to burn your house down
Shay_Shay97 23
I would've just straight up cried if I saw that thing. But if it ran across my leg? Oh hell no, it's time to amputate.
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Comments (37)
emeraldarcher74 30
I submitted an FML like this a while back. In it, I had filled up a bath and had just gotten in when a spider fell in. Being highly arachnophobic, I drained the tub. Only after I drained it did I realize that it was a ball of lint.
Yapiej 21
Reading this made me cringe. I'd probably scream louder...
tmj25789 23
I guess you have a new roommate now.
heheitscece 16
He better be paying full rent
Lalala579121 27
You mean the spider has a new house?
ALonelyStranger 12
Why didn't you just kill it?
LyricaSilvan 29
I'm surprised you bothered to try and set it free. Wolf spiders are pretty venomous, and can be aggressive, too. I would have smashed it, personally.
lostmongoose 23
I had a similar giant spider-bathtub experience a few weeks ago, except I just murdered the damn thing.
Soluxis 17
I guess it's that time of year. I've had to evict two large wolf spiders from the bathtub in the last week... or maybe it's the same one..
species4872 19
Mmm when I read giant wolf spider i was sure that she was going to say that it ran up to the edge of the bath, whistled and winked at her.
Mojos12 6
Now imagine someone screaming really low pitched
trucker2 33
Hairspray and lighter... If you go all out gangster, they won't crawl back...