Work: Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force.... - FML

By onlyjuggalos - 31/01/2016 08:13 - United States

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 579

You deserved it 2 564

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Same thing different taste

Systemic

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 04:00

Today my 98-year-old grandad has Alzheimer’s and seems to think I’m his senior officer from his first years as a police officer. Apparently a lot of illegal shit went on in those days, when cops were bigger crooks than the actual criminals were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 98

By Nice 2 inch - 27/06/2011 12:16 - Canada

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 306

You deserved it 3 594

By Michelle - 01/09/2010 08:27 - Netherlands

Today, I went to pay my grandma a visit. She called the cops because she didn't recognize me and thought I was a robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 3 468

Not under my watch!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 22:00

Today, I told my dad I want to enlist in the army and he tried to lock me in my room. He did almost the same thing when I told him I wanted to do certain college courses to make it easier to become a police officer, only there was a lot more swearing and throwing of objects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 22:59 - Australia - Redland Bay

Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 570

You deserved it 5 030

Copaganda

By Anonymous - 18/10/2023 07:30

Today, my dad is trying to kick me out to become homeless, because it’s my goal to become a police officer, and since he’s served prison time I’m now scum in his eyes and a disgrace to our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 284

By emeraldapostle - 27/04/2019 00:00

Today, my grandfather scolded me for not wanting to go to my 12-year-old cousin's basketball game. This is the same grandfather that refused to go to my high school graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 186

You deserved it 143

Middleschoolers these days…

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 00:00

Today, my son told me he wants to be a cop or enter the military when he grows up. Why? "Cops get paid to kill useless members of society" and "Only the military can stop communism." FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 288

By Anonymous - 31/05/2014 20:04 - United States - Brandon

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 887

You deserved it 3 883

Sounds wholesome…

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 08:04

Today, my grandmother told me that my grandfather was a great man, and that he did a lot for the state of Ohio. When I got home, I googled him. He was the leader of one of the biggest KKK groups in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 126

Next

Top comments

ihartmytdi 23

Monday 1 February 2016 0:24

Tell him you're actually more interested in the high speed horse-drawn carriage chases.

nooblper 21

Monday 1 February 2016 0:12

Oh look, another fine sample of humanity.

Comments

shadowdragon0820 20

Monday 1 February 2016 5:13

People keep saying the grandpa is racist. he could be joking you guys.

Isa_fml 20

Monday 1 February 2016 5:14

Still racist.

NotchaHue 8

Monday 1 February 2016 5:46

Y'all are acting like his generation is being racist for saying that as if it's not actually happening

PaleGuy 5

Monday 1 February 2016 6:05

I mean yah

oly49 10

Monday 1 February 2016 6:47

****** white people idc I get down vote y'all was born racist hands down all ya are racist

PharmacyJoe 13

Monday 1 February 2016 21:32

Oh, please. People in the U.S. generalize every type of person without repercussions when it comes to their job. Cops are not excluded from this. Now if you were trying to say it's unfair that you can generalize cops but not minority races, then you need to realize that you're not talking about the same "qualification" for being generalized. One is a race that you are born with, the other is a profession that you choose.

NYGiants1925 22

Monday 1 February 2016 23:15

Tell him your more interested in hauling his ass off to the pen. Honestly though that's kind of funny, as ****** up as it is.

NicoTaylor1005 18

Monday 1 February 2016 23:42

Well, yes

JKPwnage 27

Tuesday 2 February 2016 1:46

The best part is that people like that are allowed to vote. They're called the Tea Party.

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The Top

Today, I took a girl on a date. This girl is tiny, about 4 ft 10 and petite. She ordered a 16 inch pizza, garlic bread, wings, fries, and multiple drinks, and damn if she didn’t eat every bite of it, it was impressive. Until we were screwing later and she vomited the whole meal down my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 167

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 760

You deserved it 15 563

The Top

Today, while picking up one of my older kids from school, I started talking to another parent. He commented that it had been quite a year in the kindergarten, because every day his kids come home telling stories about two girls, Hannah and Pi, and all the things they did that day. Hannah is my daughter, Pi is her nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 166

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 677

You deserved it 12 051

Today, I was sunbathing by my pool, totally naked. After a while I got a boner and decided to jerk off. As I was about to finish, I rolled over to cum on the deck, but when I rolled back, my elderly neighbor yelled, "Don't do that in the open if you won’t give up the money shot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 9 149

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 091

You deserved it 1 857

Today, my sister was so bored during the lockdown that she let me attempt to cook an omelette without turning the stove on, just so she had something amusing to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 1 305

This is some kind of déjà vu.

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 399