By marriage/celibacy/synonymity - 08/03/2013 23:36 - Norway - Espeland

Spicy
Today, I showed my wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health. She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks 41 420
You deserved it 9 369
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Top comments

upyourzlolz 11

I find my imagination to be the best cameraman, director, and pornstar I've ever known.

156 8
perdix 29

Tell her your masturbating won't improve her health, and she might even end up slipping on a puddle of semen and breaking a hip. Ladies love it when you try to charm their pants off with medical research.

137 16

Comments

Sugarita 7

Lolz... Poor ol' chap your request was turned down with heavy restrictions

1 12
PipingMouse 14

You could say your allergic to your hand. Then she'll be forced to have sex with you under threat of death.

10 28
whostolemylama 12

What? I'm trying to underhand what you're saying. If you were allergic to your hands, then you would instantly die.

18 3
Smashhoof 15

20- 17's statement was very illogical, but it was still funny.

12 3
FML_Whale 18

Well, he could say he has a sensitive penis and his hands could irritate it and give him a rash..

11 3
PipingMouse 14

Thank you #20! I thought people knew what a joke was...I know how stupid that comment is.

8 2
lochiamochia 25

From a woman's POV: "Today, I showed my husband an article that showed how orgasms can prevent cervical cancer. He told me that he wouldn't judge me if I masturbated as long as I didn't use ****." Somehow I can imagine more FYLs for this poor woman than for poor OP. F everyone's life who's S.O. would prefer masturbation than fornication................. Oh, wait........

10 20
TheGoldStandard 6

Yeee ********** in bed beside her. Or put it in her mouth and hand while shes sleeping

0 6
lionheart822 13

Wow OP, is that the best pick up line you've got? Lol

11 2
karlcolt45 19

oh well, a good imagination helps prevent prostate cancer then too

11 1
noelasis94 18

Do everything you can to get caught maybe it'll warm the south up

4 4
wanderingshopper 13

There was a study that shows women are healthier if we(women) have 25-30 orgasims a month. Better hormonal balance, less headaches etc...

17 1
BellaBelle_fml 23

Now THAT's a study I can get behind and support entirely! It seems to be true as well. I know both my husband and I are always in a much better mood, and tend to sleep much better, after we have had a night of complete passion together. The strong emotional bond that is formed between two people, very much in love, and the actual act of sex can unleash a series of potent hormones throughout your entire body. And that is a pretty amazing feeling to have. (:

16 1