By nahalDZ - 20/10/2012 17:29 - Germany - K?ln

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML
I agree, your life sucks 25 421
You deserved it 5 301

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Fuck... I wonder what you do to the alarm clock in the mornings.

That's sure a handy way to wake you up

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Fuck... I wonder what you do to the alarm clock in the mornings.

He probably just turns it off. I think the point of punching was because someone was touching his junk. I doubt the alarm clock does that.

7 you never know with new technology. It would definitely wake you up.

Does 27's alarm clock touch her..? Strange. Very strange.

He Jackie chan, ninja chops that shit!

He buys a new alarm clock everyday because he keeps a hammer next to it an smashes it.

That's sure a handy way to wake you up

Yeah the climax of this FML probably won't end with the dad cumming to his senses.

You guys are bad lol

I feel bad for OP's girlfriend, she was just trying to shake things up.

I don't think that's the greatest way to "shake things up." I definitely wouldn't be happy if my boyfriend tried to wake me up by fingering me.

56- I'm pretty sure 50 was using innuedo in his/her comment.

Fast reflexes

-11, she could be a hermaphrodite... Wait, what the hell are you talking about??

Exactly! It sucks that his girlfriend got punched but she should feel comforted that her man is a protector. She should feel safe knowing that.

Wait... you're a girl... and you have a penis?! :O

Lesbian I think

Um I am still not sure lesbian is the right word...

Uhhm. Why would a girl have a penis?

19 - Meant to thumb you up, sorry :( 11 - What FML are you reading? No one said anything about female penises.

Tell him a dog pawed her where she was hit. Dogs can be brutal when they want attention.

Yeah, but not brutal enough to leave a big, nasty bruise; unless of course they bite you, but no dog I've known bites for attention... Anyways, what if she can't be around dogs because allergies or the fact she may just really hate them?

Each time I get on here I get more and more disappointed in humanity...

26 you need to go to Instagram. You'll definitely lose faith in humanity then.

25- they can be. I've had a dog headbutt me and give me an awful black eye before. It was really just a silly remark. But that's what excuses are for right? Certainly can't hurt OP in this case, if his wife's forgiven him!

Alright, if we are going to use retard logic, then just tell the father a bear mauled her in the face.

Who says it needs to be logical? It's FML! I can roll with a bear mauling her face, that could be an interesting twist.

82, you're starting to sound like Dwight, from The Office. Love it!

I've been punched in the balls by a border collie. Big dogs can punch. HARD.

That will be a weird explanation as to why you punched her :/

"She violated me!"

There are only so many stories you can make up... But definitely don't tell the truth in this case...

You guys have a lot of explaining to do, if she really forgives you, maybe ask her to make up a story of how it happened?

So not only she got punched, she now has to lie?

Unless she feels like telling her father she was giving him a hand job when it happened, she kinda does. I know I wouldn't want to tell my parents any detail about my sex life. It could easily turn into a funny story for themselves, or maybe shared with a friend, but no parent wants to hear that about their kid.

Why tell every detail? She could just say they had an accident in bed. Although, I wonder what OP does to his girlfriend when she hugs him in her sleep. Does she have to start being careful about where her hands are going now?

40- I think he only punched her because she was giving him a handjob, not just touching him.

They could always say he rolled over and elbowed her in his sleep. I did that to a girlfriend once. Complete accident, but it left a hell of a shiner.

I scared him while he was asleep and he punched me by accident. No lies. No sexual details.

Why the fuck would you tell her dad

I'm assuming he's talking about the black eye he gave her which her father will see.

I say blame it on a pole. Tricky bastards, never see them till its to late.

You don't have to tell her dad anything. Don't see her father until the Mark is gone. If you had plans, cancel them. If she lives at home, have her stay over for a few days until its gone. Use your brain.

44- "I swear, the fucker came out if nowhere!"

Last time you're getting one of those.

At least a surprise one

I wouldn't of forgiven him. Screw that.

51- Why not? I can't imagine someone having a good reaction to this sort of thing.

Guys, don't worry about her comment. According to her profile shes just a figment of our imagination. She's not real. SHE'S NOT REAL.

51- So one honest mistake and you "dump his ass"? Good luck making it through a relationship like that.