Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML
Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML
Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML
Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
Today, I ran into a parked car and fell into the gutter. All because a dog suddenly barked at me. From the other side of a wooden fence. FML
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
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Top comments
MegasaurusRex89 28
I feel like its probably a chihuahua or other small breed. They tend to attack when they panic more than larger breeds. Sounds like you have some training to do either way.
Kiernan151 25
I feel like if you're dog attacks you over a pumpkin breaking over you're knee, you didn't train it very well. So I don't have sympathy because a good dog that's trained right won't attack you.
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Comments (61)
GrumpyGrinch 23
YDI for having a dog that attacks its owner, regardless of how and why. Normal dog just wags its tail and says: "Aren't those humans funny! Now look at this cutie rolling in pumpkin mush! I just hope she cleans up after herself like a good girl she always is!"
EvilTurtle 35
Actually, I'm pretty sure dogs don't talk.
Gracemonique3 18
I'm at least 3% sure #28 is right.
justsayingbeach 15
Your dog doesn't sound very safe if it "attaches out of panic"?
Levvy 22
Attaches? Is this one of those new adhesive breeds?
mttr36 17
Poor dog
worldclassrager 41
Is your knee okay?
Stareyz 3
OP used to be an adventurer
XxDanno316xX 27
Till they got a arrow, errrr dog bite to the knee?
warrenhoward42 20
everyone always makes a pun. I will not make a pun this time. I will say "sorry about that. that must've sucked" although I do admit it is ******* hilarious.
XxDanno316xX 27
Perhaps one day you will get attacked by a dog... I bet you wouldn't be telling everyone how hilarious it was.
Kiernan151 25
Yeah its not funny if you've been attacked by dogs before. My mom was attacked by a German Shepherd. I myself was attacked by a great Dane.
littlekellilee 45
I feel like this guy meant to comment this on the previous FML, as I haven't seen a lot of people make pumpkin or dog attack puns.
UH60 26
"I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a pumpkin to the knee."
Shartie 16
You should have that dog put down.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
Because it's not properly trained? Really do you kill everything that doesn't react the way you want it too? It most definitely needs to be trained correctly and possibly exercised better but put down is a very extreme reaction.
Internetflakes 13
it attacker you because he probably though you were the great pumpkin :)
cheeology 22
Despite what everyone is saying, I feel like your dog meant well and tried to save you, I mean, you might've grunted or made a screech of some sort to startle the dog, Mine barks at sudden knocks at the door or downstairs besides that she's harmless, just over protective in the house.
Smilesalot421 10
could have been worse