Today, I saved a woman from drowning at a pool where I lifeguard, but when I got her out of the water she started screaming about sexual assault. Apparently I accidentally brushed her breasts when pulling her up and out of the water. She wants to sue me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, I rescued a little boy who looked like he was drowning in a public pool. His mother then smacked me in the face for "touching him". FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML
Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML
Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML
Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML
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Top comments
sketckgamer13 8
man that is bad if a lifegaurd was saving me from drowning i would have the common sense to know that brushing my breast would be a accident and i would be worrying more about getting saved
Dave_Davington 35
Slightly off topic, and maybe I'm just being thick here, but I've never understood why people who can't swim well enough to not drown in a swimming pool go to swimming pools in the first place. Especially grown adults who should know better.
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Comments (46)
specialk89a 1
What I would do at that point is shove her back in and let her drown.
coconutting101 6
Where I'm from you can't sue for that
Rootbeerbum 15
should have let her drown sorry she's up your ass being an airhead
Mattnuck 4
You should have let her drown
PanemEtCircenses 15
Isn't there some kind of law which specifically protects lifegards and other people involved in saving life of this kind of accusations while being in service (assuming they're just doing their job of course).
Zanquis 22
Used to be a lifeguard we where not trained to knock someone out, but there is a motion to gain control of a panicing victim that involves a punch like motion, that looks like you try to hit them on a yaw. But the idea is that you use that momentum to turn the victim and support them before they drown you. I can see how a untrained person (or a stupid and unfit lifeguard that misinterprets his training) might think that lifeguards are training to knock them out but it should not be required for a well trained lifeguard. It is offer arm, all victims go for it, quick punchlike motion forward, then up the arm, turning victim (most guards will go underwater to make next step easier) and rise up with victim turned on their back with your arm below their arms.. and yes if the victim has boobs contact with those is very likely to happen but a lifeguard is to busy saving you and keeping himself alive to care/enjoy it.
GhostFox 34
Maybe that's just a Florida thing then, because I've had several coast guards and life guards confirm that. I watched bits of some movie- "The Guardian"?- and it had that as a part of a mini plot. I was pretty baffled by it, so I basically asked every coast and life guard I saw. (I was a kid, prone to getting obsessed with certain facts, and had no concept of the idea that it wasn't exactly appropriate to ask that.) I suppose it could be a regional thing, or maybe it isn't done anymore, but as I've said, I've had it confirmed by several on duty coast and life guards.
PradyParty 8
Lifeguarding sucks sometimes, doesn't it Ashley
Abigail Jane Lee 9
Some women just look for reasons to complain and scream about how horrible men are -.-
smarterthanyou804 5
This is actually becoming commonplace thanks to modern feminism.
GhostFox 34
Uh, no. This has nothing to do with feminism. This is someone being an asshole, which everyone is capable of, regardless of gender. It's also possible that she's over reacting because of some past trauma. Unless you mean that feminism encouraging women to speak out about being sexually assaulted, sexually battered, and molested instead of keeping quiet because of shame, SOMEHOW is related to someone being an asshole. Which, there really isn't a connection there.
Mrbuddyoldpal 2
That woman, my friends, DEFINITELY understands what sexual assault is.