Love and Intimacy: Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband... - FML

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Spicy

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 346

You deserved it 1 398

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By gettinghotinhere - 17/10/2014 18:29 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 816

You deserved it 6 866

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 279

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 224

By left out wet - 22/06/2019 22:08

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 233

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 176

You deserved it 14 877

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 102

You deserved it 6 492

What a wanker

By no action Jackson - 27/09/2020 20:02 - United States - Hesperia

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 178

So hot

By bonesniffer - 16/09/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 770

You deserved it 6 037

No thanks!

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 09:00 - United States - Spokane

Spicy

Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 209

By szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 094

You deserved it 6 793

Next

Top comments

Ashamed_Sister 60

Thursday 26 October 2017 8:01

Men aren't always in the mood for sex. They prefer to walk away without saying anything, instead of blaming a migraine. Try again tomorrow.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 26 October 2017 10:52

Hey, at least you got a ********.

Comments

Harm Varwijk 17

Friday 27 October 2017 0:43

how does " man it's hot in here" turns anyone one. I suggest you upgrade your dirty talking

Akitakat 31

Friday 27 October 2017 16:04

Gives new meaning to the word '*******'.

davecross 11

Friday 27 October 2017 21:12

He was blowing out the dust

gnawd 6

Thursday 6 September 2018 8:06

Man's not hot!

shannon2348 14

Tuesday 28 January 2020 18:40

So he was supposed to immediately want sex with you? ydi

Keywords

Relatable Awkward Work Parents Job interview Love Facebook Jealousy Social Media Friends Relationship advice AITA Kids Roommate Shoes Annoying Names Music Customers Money Education Capitalism Gamers Weird Coworkers Bodyshaming Landlords Allergies Dogs Cute

The Top

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 905

You deserved it 74 251

Today, my roommate asked me for help finding her wallet because it’s been lost for days. I helped a bit, but it never turned up. I left to go to my boyfriend’s house as I'd planned. Guess whose wallet I found laying on the ground next to his night-stand? And why it was there… FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 60

The Top

Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 342

You deserved it 3 454

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 026

You deserved it 3 399

Today, my boyfriend and were I getting it on in his bedroom where he had all of his anime models on display. I accidentally knocked over one of his models and it fell on to the floor. He got angry and kicked me out. Apparently, making his models look good was more important than us making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 625

You deserved it 13 321

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I was having an affair in The Elder Scrolls Online. While ranting to my online elf husband, he got upset that I had a real life boyfriend and dumped me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 1 811

Today, whilst waiting tables at work, I served a young couple the milkshakes they had ordered. The woman at the next table verbally abused me for "teasing" her screaming sons with "unhealthy foods". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 973

You deserved it 2 761

Today, my mom came in my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Out of pure instinct, from hours of doing this to my girlfriend in this exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother-son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go" before I let her leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 2 052