Transportation: Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't...

By longdrive - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

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Transportation

Out of it

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By The Last Cockbender - United Kingdom - London

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

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By stutterboy - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I was giving a presentation to my college class. I've had a natural stutter my whole life, so I stuttered through the whole thing. My professor tried to hold in her laughter for 15 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was headed towards the unisex bathroom at physical therapy when another patient looked up at me and quickly looked away. I knew instantly and prepared for the smell, but I wasn't expecting remnants still floating in the toilet. FML

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By badhairday

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, "just trim the dead ends" and "give me an afro" mean the same thing to a barber. FML

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By joshualover - United States

Today, I was driving through my neighborhood when I heard a siren. I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a motorcycle, so I pulled over. The motorcycle drove by, and it turned out to be an old lady with a leather jacket. The siren was in a song on the radio. FML

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By bipbip - France

Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML

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By Craigslist is Evil. - United States - Dickson

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

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By Username - India

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

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By CorCelesti - United States

Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

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By -_- - Australia - Elwood

Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML

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By 3 More Months - United States - Stanford

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

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By nokitchenforme - Canada

Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML

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By someone - United States

Today, I'm staying in a hotel where the lights are automatic. They turn on when something moves and turn off when everything is still. I'm a sensitive sleeper and I move in my sleep, so the light wakes me up. It's currently 2 a.m. and all together I've gotten about 20 minutes of sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Thanks for the support!

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I queued up for few hours in torrential rain to see the Harry Potter premiere. After just four hours sleep and waking at 3am, I fell asleep during film and missed the whole thing. FML

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By ThankYou! - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

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By Roma - United States - Chevy Chase

Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my dad told me it would be fine to use the mounting tape he'd bought to place paintings up in my newly painted room. I did, but after deciding I wanted to move a painting and pulling it off the wall, the wall came with it. Back to square one. FML

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By need sleep - United States - Severna Park

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

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By fmlimoverit - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

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By sopissed - United States - Laurel

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

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By xswitch74 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex called me up to suggest that we become friends, only so that she could introduce me to her new boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lebanon

Today, I realized my family is more excited to see my girlfriend than they are to see me. FML

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By insearch4i - United States

Today, I got bored and decided to try World Of Warcraft. FML

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By single lady - United States

Today, at my aunt's wedding, the time for the tossing of the bouquet came and the announcer asked for all the single ladies to gather behind the bride. I was the only one. FML

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By Carlah - 17/3/2020 20:30

Deception

Today, I found out that the 19-year-old I've been seeing is really 26, with two kids and a pregnant fiancée. I'm only 17. FML

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By Shocked - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML

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By drunkfacebookuser - Australia

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 23:04

Love don't pay the rent

Today, I begged my dad for money, for the first time ever, because even with two jobs I still can’t make rent. When asked why he sent way too little, he replied, "You always said you’d prefer to get love from me rather than money." FML

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By Unluckyducky - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

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By TimeForAHairCut - United States - Eugene

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

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By kaylashay2k13 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

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By josh - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

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By Pissed Off - Australia

Today, I was walking along the street and passed a young couple. Over my shoulder I heard the girl say to her boyfriend "Would you still love me if I looked like her?" FML

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By shocked1 - Canada

Today, I was doing a local search at SexSearch.com and I found my sister's profile. FML

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By lyfisdyno - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

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By Heyme - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I crunched my pen and crushed my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

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By justkillm3 - United States

Today, I came home after ten hours at work to find my unemployed wife and 4 kids sprawled out watching TV waiting for me to get home and cook for them. I had to wash all the dishes first because they didn't feel like getting up or helping. FML

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Top comments

By catswithhats | 13

#6089473 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:48

Feel sorry for you, I do.

By Enslaved | 36

#6089479 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:50

Bet you wish you were Solo?.

COMMENTS

By Hiktmae | 20

#6089472 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:48

I have eternal respect for those guys :))

sayyestothedress | 24

#6089640 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 20:58

Noise cancelling headphones will do the trick!

By catswithhats | 13

#6089473 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:48

Feel sorry for you, I do.

pjsr | 32

#6089649 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 21:19

YLF

By rekkas | 16

#6089474 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:48

Aww but Star Wars is the best

MidnaLink | 32

#6089518 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 18:22

There are some people who don't actually think so. Shocking, I know!

cp399 | 14

#6089613 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 20:20

Not for fifteen hourse, it isn't

JuliaaNoelle | 26

#6089875 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 5:02

#31 I beg to differ

MidnaLink | 32

#6089886 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 5:35

Well, you're a fangirl. Of course you'd say it.

Box0choklitz | 8

#6090529 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 23:39

A Star Wars fan, OP is not.

orbit | 22

#6091541 - Friday 17 October 2014 6:31

Is it bad I have never seen star wars?

By jaimlee2 | 9

#6089475 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:49

Gotta love it

By devildog562 | 33

#6089476 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:49

Turn up the music and heat. Annoyed they will be.

tony1891 | 22

#6089641 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 20:59

then you can sing along to "i did it all for the wookie"

By patsrock12bh | 7

#6089478 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:50

Prepare for the greatest car ride of your life!

By Enslaved | 36

#6089479 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:50

Bet you wish you were Solo?.

devildog562 | 33

#6089486 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:54

Please put your Hans together for enslaved .

ComoEsJuan | 24

#6089632 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 20:43

I bet OP wants to Leia smack upside their heads.

redstone7693 | 29

#6089837 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 3:48

great puns

shanebob | 15

#6089920 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 6:47

I bet she's going tObi Wan unhappy driver

EchoSerenity | 15

#6090308 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 19:15

You guys must of ate awesome for breakfast ^-^

By DrewBob9623 | 10

#6089480 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:51

You got 2 socks. One in each mouth. Problem solved.

By blackonblight | 32

#6089482 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:52

That sounds like hell. Time to break out a counter irritant. Show tunes, perhaps? Or the song that never ends?

YellowKettleBell | 31

#6089857 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 4:42

stock up on the beef jerky and gas-station beans then let-er-rip!

By MrDonSalvetti | 27

#6089483 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 17:52

Hang on, you must!