Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML
Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML
Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML
Today, 98 year-old mom with dementia thought she was talking to one of my dead sisters and not my wife, telling her she'd better never tell me who my real father really, that I ruined her marriage. She won't have me ruining her reputation, so her getting pregnant with me from an affair was my fault apparently. None of my siblings ever told me. FML
Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML
Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years-old, with no wife or children. FML
Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
Today, I realized that even though I was an honor student throughout school, and considered the golden child who was going to go far in life, all I've accomplished a year after graduation is becoming an unemployed single mother still living with my parents. FML
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Top comments
KasiaLilith 13
You have an extra push to graduate, get a job and move out on your own ASAP, nobody has to know who your mom is and what she has done. On other hand, as long as she was a good mom to you, you should jot be embarrassed of her.
Amama_fml 30
No shit, Sherlock.
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Comments (104)
perdix 31
So, if he was The King, that would make you The Prince, so you can party in your little, red Corvette like it's 1999.
sourgirl101 29
Funny enough, both Prince and the OP are from Minnesota.
perdix 31
#45, maybe they are the same guy!!!
fmlfantom 8
Thats lying badly not just atupid
meintx 9
Elvis isn't dead, duh.
worldclassrager 41
What is with her?
mattrd_fml 31
Elvis lives!
thatguynow 13
Looks like her sanity left the building.
skittyskatbrat 19
Embarrassing for now, but seriously, in a few years, no one is going to care. You'll giggle and share the story with your friends and they'll be equally amused and tell you about THEIR crazy relatives. We all have them. Sucks for now, but it's a great source of humor in a few more years! Just make sure you are faaaar away from her ;)
stewpididiot 11
Well, Elvis DID like 'em young... But hey... That's going al title far....
gamersonly1234 5
Or was she?
Gingerette 8
Both of these responses are sad. Since you don't know the op, maybe both of you ought to not say anything in speculation of what the op will do.