Intimacy: Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and...

By OnlyMe - 08/10/2009 15:29 - United States

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 602

You deserved it 23 310

Intimacy

Stop talking!

Age difference

Mama's boy

By Liz - 01/07/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 365

You deserved it 5 222

By Alexander - 30/05/2010 16:53 - Russian Federation

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 7 321

By mmckie - 11/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went into a restaurant with my family. I slipped off my chair, pulling the tablecloth with all the food and drinks on it with me onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 402

By Lady_Luck - 25/03/2009 19:31 - United States

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 794

You deserved it 126 762

By bleeding - 06/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 214

You deserved it 6 573

By jkass - 07/10/2011 15:07 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 316

You deserved it 4 468

Stuck

By lilou - 03/01/2009 01:22 - France

Today, at 7 a.m., I ended up outside in a nightdress, barefoot and in the rain. I've just found out that my two-year-old son now knows how to close the patio door, which of course, has no outside door handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 676

You deserved it 3 877

By nutcracker - 23/02/2010 09:28 - Slovenia

Today, I tried to see if you can kick yourself in the nuts. You can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 172

You deserved it 68 223

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 622

You deserved it 7 560

Ouch

By Jackmeister - 03/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 7 084

By annoyed - 23/09/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 265

You deserved it 2 973

By fed up - 23/08/2018 23:30

Today, I bought a different car because I was having to constantly repair my old one. On the way home from the dealer, the check engine light came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 197

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 12:19 - Netherlands

Today, I wanted to send a birthday card. I kindly asked my boss for an envelope, and she asked me to pay for it. I've been working for her as an intern for over a year now, without receiving any money for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 399

You deserved it 4 295

By minikat - 02/06/2018 15:00

Today, my parents woke me up and grounded me for the "disrespectful" things I said to them in my sleep. Apparently I say these things every night, and each time I do they extend the grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 010

You deserved it 244

By aineroo - 05/11/2014 21:25 - Ireland - Galway

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 589

You deserved it 3 898

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 19:27 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 226

You deserved it 1 221

By Noname - 22/01/2009 23:27 - Canada

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 804

You deserved it 10 216

By Meg93 - 26/06/2019 23:00

Today, I went to a concert for the first time in 5 years. I got all dressed up and even ended up hanging out with the band. The night came to a screeching halt when I got a migraine and ended up in the ER vomiting non-stop. I was in the hospital all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 00:40 - United Kingdom - Maybole

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 102

You deserved it 8 253

By notout - 17/10/2017 15:00

Today, my 28-year-old brother screamed at me and outed me to our very religious, homophobic parents because I wouldn't let him shock his friend with an electric dog collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 358

You deserved it 433

By babydoll - 12/10/2010 09:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 951

You deserved it 8 333

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 19:18 - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 300

You deserved it 5 996

By Aliiiice - 16/07/2013 13:18 - France - Offranville

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 614

You deserved it 35 841

By Tyler - 03/09/2012 09:37 - Australia - Killara

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 107

You deserved it 1 954

By disgusting - 31/05/2015 09:13 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, I uploaded a photo of myself at the beach on Facebook. The first comment it got was "Wow!! If I was 20 yrs younger, oh boy ;)". Yeah, thanks for that, grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 585

You deserved it 2 874

By Anonymous - 23/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had to go meet my professor at 12. I wound up showing up almost an hour late. Why? Because she doesn't teach at the campus I registered at. I wound up having to visit TWO different campuses before I reached the right one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 170

You deserved it 443

By Anonymous - 24/05/2017 02:00

Today, I got better phone reception crossing an inlet on a ferry than I normally do at my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 554

You deserved it 337

By soliveyerlife - 21/03/2009 09:35 - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 961

You deserved it 127 966

By Dumbfounded - 08/08/2012 23:03 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 287

You deserved it 3 949

By FMluck - 26/02/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 479

You deserved it 67 466

Hangover blues

By VibeCheck - 10/03/2020 07:57

Today, I woke up hungover and went to the kitchen for some food. I saw what I thought was a blueberry muffin. Halfway through eating it, I realized I couldn’t taste any blueberries, so I tried another one. I then remembered my dad telling me to throw out any old food we had. It was mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 1 721

By rrefaat - 28/06/2019 07:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I thought our CEO had clearly stated that I will only be focusing on my job, and all other stuff will not be my problem. Apparently, I was wrong, because I still get blamed for all the other departments' mistakes, even though I don't manage them. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 126

By steven - 24/01/2013 05:16 - United States - Orinda

Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 164

You deserved it 34 303

By awkwardpanda - 27/01/2017 20:00

Today, I performed for the first time at someone's wedding. When the music started, I heard a click. Slowly, I felt my strapless bra drop lower and lower due to my non-existent breasts. The hook on my bra had broken at that very moment on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 778

You deserved it 711

Join in the fun

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 11:02

Today, after discovering my grown-up kids have sent poop pictures to each other since they were teenagers, I had an epic poop that looked like a question mark. So I finally lowered myself to their level and sent a picture of it to them. It got sent to my boss by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 1 495

By Shutup! - 31/10/2014 10:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the fire alarm keeps going off at my apartment. Not only is the noise ear-piercingly loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood, there's also a big flashing red light in case the deafening sound isn't enough. This is my day off. It's going on all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 904

You deserved it 2 603

By snazz23 - 02/05/2016 21:12 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 007

You deserved it 1 106

By Username - 12/05/2011 06:17

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 486

You deserved it 3 029

Big baby man

By HSPARKS - 12/05/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up to my apartment in a state of total disarray. I've been asking my boyfriend to get either get a job, or clean the house. I just had a bunch of dental work taken care of. He doesn't have a job, and doesn't want to find one. I'm tired of trying to raise an already grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 921

By jackjona - 16/12/2016 06:03 - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, I closed the store on my own for the first time. As I was locking the front door, the key broke. Now half the key is stuck and the door is still unlocked. I have to stay until we open in the morning and I'm not getting paid for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 925

You deserved it 1 048

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LeStab 4

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Thursday 8 October 2009 21:40

Badly written?

alsoelp 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 1:37

No no. guy #1: nice, can sex, doesnt like commitment. she left him for guy #2. Guy #2 can sex, is nice, and is not afraid of commitment. but now that theyre committed, he won't sex her. So basically she found a guy to marry. married him, let herself go, now he wont sex her.