Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML
Today, while having a screaming argument with my son in our front yard, I suddenly realized we are "that white trash family" in the neighborhood. FML
Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML
Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML
Today, my idiot redneck next door neighbor decided to throw an empty whipped cream spray can into a fire to watch it explode and scare half the neighborhood. That idiot redneck next door neighbor is also my 65 year-old dad. FML
Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML
Today, my redneck mother, who I parted ways from years ago, found out I became wealthy in my 30s so she turned up at my house, thinking she could just move in. Then she tried to demand the money I owed for giving birth to me, and camped on my lawn until I called the cops, FML
Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML
Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my parents said that we're never going to see our grandparents again because my grandpa hit my asshole little brother with a belt for calling him a boomer. I love my grandparents so much but my parents won't listen. FML
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Top comments
MrClean17 15
*banjo noise in background*
robotiick7 23
Does your grandpa sit in a rocking chair in front with a shotgun in his lap?
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Comments (82)
Joe9024 20
I bet the tires were worth more than the truck they belonged too! No wonder he's so pissed.
Enslaved 38
Don't be so hard on your family, Bubba J.
marousje 20
That's one long sentence
djxerxes9000 18
Frack yeah, I had to pause for breath
laurenasabutton 26
Seriously hoping commas are added.
bReLiNg 18
"Redredredred redneck" Do all the guys drink beer and talk about their trucks? Or that sweet little thing at the market?
KChubs 12
I hate to be THAT guy but, You know you are a redneck when you post an FML about just how redneck your family is... I feel dirty.
perdix 31
. . . and he used the money to rent some dentures for his sister, because her meth mouth knocked out most, but not all, of her teeth and the ******** are too rough.
buddy51 23
Grampa gonna make unka bubba squeeeeeel like a pig while he compliments him on his purty mouf... Destroying his trailer with a backhoe is just redneck foreplay to the real fun! Your uncle's gonna be walking funny for a while and standing instead of sitting when grampa gits through with him!!
Glitter_taco_ 10
Cletus! Get up here we gotta de louse the youngins!
lolo717 17
I feel ya'lls pain. ;)
karmasblood 6
Thad's not redneck that's hick