Work: Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She... - FML

By Is that..? - United States - Aurora

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

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BO Central

There's no helping some people

Dementia or hate? You decide

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

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By 9gingerface66 - United States

Kinky

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

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By Sid - United States

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

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By heartbroken - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower and his phone was buzzing with calls and texts. Concerned as his nan is in ICU, I picked it up to find he's been secretly sexting his ex-girlfriend. FML

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By soccerscout7

Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'll be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

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By worsethanzombies - Spain

Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

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By oh my son - Canada - Toronto

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

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By shouldhavestayedinbed - United Kingdom

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML

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By umm... - Australia - Canberra

It's a witch!

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

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By ihatelaura - United States

Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 20:04

Generosity

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

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By RawrSparkle - United States - Davis

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

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By Sinnersinner - United States - Ontario

Power in Christ

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

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By Sith Dad

Today, I accompanied my daughter to her classmate's Disney Princess themed birthday party. Minutes in, the celebrant's mother kindly asked us to leave because my daughter was ruining the theme. How? She dressed up as Princess Leia. FML

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By PeepShow - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

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By jobless

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

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By QuinnyZebrass - United States - Laveen

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

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By steakysteak - United States

Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

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By Baby Bethy - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

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By UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

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By myself - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

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By - France

Today, I just realised that the coworker I refused to leave my wife for is now happily married with someone else, while I'm now divorced. FML

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By ladeda - United States

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

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By mykhael - United States - Opelousas

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

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By yourekillingme - United States - Mission

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, after finishing a song during karaoke, a man came up to me and held out his hand. Quite flattered, I shook it, said thanks and that I was glad he enjoyed it. Turns out he was next and just wanted the microphone. FML

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By crushed - 10/3/2021 14:00

Thanks little buddy

Today, I was in the middle of my workout when my cat meowed so loudly, it startled me into dropping a 50-pound weight onto my foot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after assuring my best friend that his girlfriend would never cheat on him, I came home to my brother having loud sex with my best friend's girlfriend. FML

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By "Mom2grls808" - United States

Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month old on the floor (carpeted) in the livingroom. when I woke up my daughter bombed her diaper her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen....FML

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By River - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

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Top comments

By A07 | 48

#6010670 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:00

Atleast now you'll have a good friend at work.

By fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#6010674 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:03

She might be more embarrassed than you about the situation.

COMMENTS

By A07 | 48

#6010670 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:00

Atleast now you'll have a good friend at work.

Reply

Garrison21 | 11

#6010731 - Thursday 17 July 2014 14:43

Hey no special treatment for friends jam your billy club in her neck

Reply

sofaqueen_ | 14

#6010805 - Thursday 17 July 2014 16:41

I think this is more of an F her life lol.

Reply

iSativa | 24

#6010886 - Thursday 17 July 2014 19:36

This is the United States of America. If you're able to avoid jail your entire life, you're not really living.

Reply

puzzle05 | 9

#6010892 - Thursday 17 July 2014 19:42

And someone to talk to! :D

Reply

blazingshot147 | 19

#6010924 - Thursday 17 July 2014 20:22

Sounds like the start of a romantic comedy...

By nygyrfan | 10

#6010671 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:01

Well, luckily you guys can spend plenty of time together.

Reply

iAlissa | 34

#6010720 - Thursday 17 July 2014 14:17

Ah, the silver lining.

Reply

sometimessam | 16

#6010952 - Thursday 17 July 2014 21:21

Great for OP, FYL for the friend.

By fleuretta | 19

#6010672 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:02

Small world!

By Wizardo | 33

#6010673 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:02

Why would it be 'fuck your life', granted she's a friend but she's in there for a reason. Can't feel sorry for a criminal, no exceptions. Only if she's actually innocent which they rarely are.

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#6010695 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:31

Some are in jail awaiting a bail hearing or even their day in court.

By fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#6010674 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:03

She might be more embarrassed than you about the situation.

By Baucis | 10

#6010675 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:03

Why is this an FML?

Reply

PewDiePie_Lover | 14

#6010683 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:10

-___-

By joeyl2008 | 29

#6010677 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:06

And then I found $5

Reply

A07 | 48

#6010706 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:48

Good for you mate.

Reply

teotsi | 28

#6010713 - Thursday 17 July 2014 14:02

Nobody asked...

By TorturedXeno | 27

#6010678 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:06

Could be worse. SHE could be the one working at the jail.

Reply

orbit | 22

#6010824 - Thursday 17 July 2014 17:46

like Shutter Island

By INeedAUserNamr | 13

#6010679 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:07

I don't get why this is an FML. Lots of good people go to jail for things they did. But still, it kinda sucks that your friend would be one of them.

By lesley3r3 | 22

#6010681 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:08

That is rather awkward

Reply

SMHsohard | 22

#6010742 - Thursday 17 July 2014 15:02

I had the same thing happen when I worked Psych. Came on one day, saw a nurse I had worked with several years previously; I had the security code to open the door, she didn't. We both had a moment of "Hey, I know you!" She'd been bat-crap crazy back when I first knew her; apparently various Psych units had been her primary residence since.