Intimacy: Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with... - FML

By Thanksalot - United States - Edinburg

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

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Vulture

Out of the frying pan

Sounds lovely

By TheLostCauseFML - United States - Quitman

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

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By im_a_mocker - United States

Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Crawfordville

Today, I was intently watching my odometer to see it change from 99,999 to 100,000 when I ran into the back of another vehicle. FML

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By WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! - United States

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2021 10:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Unreasonable

Today, my father-in-law decided to disown myself and his son, because my husband decided to hyphenate his last name. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the guy I've been madly in love with for ages finally asked me out. I excitedly said yes. I waited a half an hour for him to show up, with another girl and say, "Where's your date?" I was asked to go on a double date, but apparently he forgot to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellerose

Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in with fresh laundry. It would've been fine at literally any other moment, but the scene on at the time involved girls groping each other in a hot spring. Now she's accusing me of being in cartoon porn. FML

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By I hate Walmart???? - United States - Greensboro

Today, I went to the self-checkout line at Walmart. When I tried to pay, the cash wouldn't go in, so I stood there trying to cram money into the thing that's supposed to take your money. What I didn't realize was that there was a sign up top that said: "No Cash. Cards Only." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gladewater

Bad boy

Today, after weeks of looking for the source of an awful smell in our house, I found out our dog has been climbing over our loft banister, into the attic, and shitting. There were over twenty mounds. It took me almost four hours to clean up, and it still stinks. FML

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By fatandsad - United States

Today, I bought a $450 elliptical machine to get in shape of the new year. After 5 hours of putting it together, I realized that all the ceilings in every room of my apartment are too low for me to use it without hitting my head. I can't return it. FML

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By limping - Canada

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was bored at work, so I started doodling a big muscly arm on my notepad, including bulging veins. After I returned from lunch, my boss called me into his office. Apparently the mail clerk saw and was offended. I was asked to explain why I was drawing a person's 'private area'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Pants on fire

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

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By sfabsits - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

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By HarryBeast - Canada

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

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By SwimSquid - United States

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

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By ouch

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

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By whovian - United States - Gorham

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was cheating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I though it was going to be an intervention. FML

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By SHIIIIITTTT - United States - Houston

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent almost $200 on a planetarium show with my boyfriend, who loves astronomy. He said his favorite thing about it was that he could pick his nose without anyone noticing. FML

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By StinkFoot

Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roxboro

Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML

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By Username - United States

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

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By NowImSingle

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML

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By chunderful202 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

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By Bawsack - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

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By "jojolovesyou134" - Australia

Today, I decided to stand up to my bosses for making me lose money and work with heat stroke... while my co worker got to go home early I had to work 2 hours later. Turns out I got a supervisor in trouble for making me work when there was help allocated. Now I have to walk on eggshells, FML

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By bribreeeeeezyfreshhh - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML

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By fired tomoz - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2020 17:01

Better out than in

Today, I resigned from my dream job with a small company. In the 6 weeks I worked there, a fist-fight occurred, the police were called 4 times, a person was fired for lying on important documents, and I was yelled or heckled for my ideas everyday. Now I'm jobless and worried, but had the first good night's sleep in 6 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

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By towelwindow - United States

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

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By Colleen - United States

Today, I bought a party bowl of Bud Light for a get-together. Around midnight, I realized that I didn't have the tap to get the beer out. Fifty-five cans of untappable beer and no more beer money. FML

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By Dinho - United States

Today, I was in a public bathroom, and a little boy walks in and he has an accident. He asked if I could help him clean it up. So I decided to help. I started to walk to him to assist him. That's when I walked straight into the pee and I slipped. My whole back was covered in pee. FML

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By samantha - United States

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

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Top comments

By traviscool | 12

#5773161 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:00

it could be worse, you could be properly related

By vewwe | 20

#5773165 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:03

Maybe it's time for you to go and fight with your sister-in-law and her boyfriend? At least you will get some sleep then

COMMENTS

By pdp_fml | 21

#5773160 - Saturday 30 November 2013 11:59

Happy days are here again! I feel sorry that most of your in-laws are fighting.

Reply

CarbonCoach | 11

#5773168 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:11

What started this fighting? Is it the silent treatment fighting or if her hausbsnd sees his dad hes going to punch him?

Reply

Eahae3 | 12

#5773407 - Saturday 30 November 2013 18:14

Very noisy lol.

By traviscool | 12

#5773161 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:00

it could be worse, you could be properly related

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#5773162 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:02

Just an average family...

By fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#5773163 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:02

Time to get out of there OP and maybe get a motel. You shouldn't have to be put in this stressful environment just because it's your husband's family. That's not fair on you.

Reply

legalizenow | 16

#5773172 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:18

They're married, so, it isn't unfair. They are one family.

Reply

fsomelife | 26

#5773204 - Saturday 30 November 2013 13:04

To be fair, she married him, not his family. I'm all for solidarity and a good relationship with the relatives, but there are different situations, in many families it's impossible to get along.

Reply

Flowtastic | 16

#5773213 - Saturday 30 November 2013 13:17

24 - to also be fair she did willingly take the journey to the in-laws with him as well to be put in that environment. ;)

By vewwe | 20

#5773165 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:03

Maybe it's time for you to go and fight with your sister-in-law and her boyfriend? At least you will get some sleep then

Reply

XDsmileyDX_fml | 24

#5773166 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:06

Or propose a three-some... If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5773241 - Saturday 30 November 2013 15:30

#6, I agree, the OP can get in some "sexy time" and a hole new series of fights can begin.

Reply

Horsempeg | 25

#5773251 - Saturday 30 November 2013 15:58

Just goes to show ya, marriage isn't always the way!
Clearly her sister-in-law is happier with her boyfriend!

Reply

parism143 | 28

#5773384 - Saturday 30 November 2013 17:51

Just because she slept with him doesn't necessarily mean she'll leave her husband for him.
It's sex, not anything serious.

Reply

YourBatteryIsLow | 8

#5773452 - Saturday 30 November 2013 19:11

#39 Who says OPs sister in law is married? It is probably OPs husbands sister, and nowhere in the FML does it say she is married.

Reply

swaggalikethat | 22

#5773751 - Saturday 30 November 2013 23:32

Or maybe Op's sister in law was fighting her boyfriend. Op just couldn't hear the muffled screams over the squeaky mattress.

By CarbonCoach | 11

#5773167 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:08

I'm really confused. I think I half get it though... So what are they all fighting about? What's the center point?!

By underthesea12 | 24

#5773169 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:12

start a fight with the love birds

By HortonThelephant | 15

#5773173 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:18

I think its probably safe to assume we know what kind of pie the boyfriend ate that night for Thanksgiving.

Reply

BillMurray_fml | 12

#5773245 - Saturday 30 November 2013 15:52

Pumpkin?

By Not_Impressed13 | 9

#5773176 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:20

Isn't it wonderful how holidays bring families together?

By WordAficionada | 19

#5773177 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:23

Family feuds during holiday season are pretty common I guess, good luck though.