Intimacy: Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with... - FML

By Thanksalot - United States - Edinburg

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

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How to make a sociopath

Covid 19 ain't going anywhere

Extreme cooking

By muffingirl - United Kingdom

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Montgomery Village

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

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By knickedleg - France

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

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By regrettably well rested - United States - Clearfield

Today, I set 3 alarms so I wouldn't miss an early morning event I was volunteering at. After I slept through the first one, my roommate turned the other two off without waking me up because they were annoying. I missed the event. FML

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By Vlad

Today, we found out that the drinks we've had for our Christmas party at work yesterday were expired. For anything between six and eleven months. All of us drank them. FML

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By Tris

Talk is cheap

Today, my co-workers keep making fun of me because I said, “You’re very so welcome.” They say it's not proper grammar, but honestly I can’t find anything that says I’m wrong. FML

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By abutorac951 - 16/3/2020 16:48

Panic! At the Costco

Today, I had to drive over an hour away to buy toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

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By DantesInfernalRage

Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2021 23:01

Whoops

Today, I had a very important video call for my job. I hadn’t used the particular app in a long time so I hadn’t checked my screen name. Turns out the last time I used it was in March with my friends, and my name was "Euro Slut." My employers saw it. FML

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By Notthatone - United States - Madison

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

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By sleepy - Norway

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

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By jaydiv - Australia

Today, I saw my cat outside taking a dump. I pulled back the curtain and watched him clean it up, because I found it fascinating that animals can do that. I must have been standing there for several minutes before I noticed the neighbour next door looking at me being fascinated by my cat pooing. FML

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By beckbr - United States

Today, I asked a little old lady in line at my work why she wasn't out enjoying the beautiful day with all her friends. Her response, "I'd love to, but they're all dead." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Understanding

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kennett

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

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By Zebra - 30/12/2020 22:58

Happy Birthday to me

Today, my sister was meant to come over for lunch for my birthday. Turns out, she forgot about it. FML

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By Anonymous

Sad sad sad

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

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By EchoDearEcho - Australia

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. My mother turned to me and said, "Wait you're actually gay? I thought you were just saying that to piss off your father." I came out to her when I was 16, and have confided in her about my past relationships. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

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By fatbabysyndrome - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML

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By the next james herriot - United States - Laurel

Today, I found out my extremely anti-war relatives hate me because they think I served in the Army, after hearing I was "a vet". I'm a veterinarian. FML

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By NextTimeMom'sDriving - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

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By Karie-Rose - United States

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

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By GeeThanks - Canada - Toronto

Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave me my own commissions as a wedding gift. FML

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By Math_Rocker - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML

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By Anonymous

Cheater

Today, as I was finalizing my divorce with my soon to be ex-wife, she thought it would be a good idea to bring our two children to the divorce court. Before custody was put in place my ex-wife gave them both a piece of candy and promised them a trip to Disneyland they chose her. FML

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By Pfff - France

Today, I argued with a boy from school over a girl. I didn't know he was a black belt judoka. I'm still in pain. FML

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By Forgotten

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

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By kallens - United States

Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 23:00

Go back to bed, Brad

Today, I noticed that when my boyfriend is sick, his sex drive goes through the roof. Too bad his stamina plummets. FML

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By KatieB - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

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By Bawo - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

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By ge fu yo twa

Today, after house sitting for my future father-in-law and managing to keep things spotless for 3 weeks, a pipe burst. It flooded the place and shorted out a plug socket, causing a fire that ruined the front room. He gets home in 3 hours. I'm screwed. FML

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By hcditfi5foygy

Today, I learned that my new neighbour's car alarm goes off every time a car drives by blasting loud bass. So far, it's gone off 6 times in the last hour. I can't wait until he's done moving in here, where he and his car will stay for the next year. FML

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Top comments

By traviscool | 12

#5773161 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:00

it could be worse, you could be properly related

By vewwe | 20

#5773165 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:03

Maybe it's time for you to go and fight with your sister-in-law and her boyfriend? At least you will get some sleep then

COMMENTS

By pdp_fml | 21

#5773160 - Saturday 30 November 2013 11:59

Happy days are here again! I feel sorry that most of your in-laws are fighting.

Reply

CarbonCoach | 11

#5773168 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:11

What started this fighting? Is it the silent treatment fighting or if her hausbsnd sees his dad hes going to punch him?

Reply

Eahae3 | 12

#5773407 - Saturday 30 November 2013 18:14

Very noisy lol.

By traviscool | 12

#5773161 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:00

it could be worse, you could be properly related

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#5773162 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:02

Just an average family...

By fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#5773163 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:02

Time to get out of there OP and maybe get a motel. You shouldn't have to be put in this stressful environment just because it's your husband's family. That's not fair on you.

Reply

legalizenow | 16

#5773172 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:18

They're married, so, it isn't unfair. They are one family.

Reply

fsomelife | 26

#5773204 - Saturday 30 November 2013 13:04

To be fair, she married him, not his family. I'm all for solidarity and a good relationship with the relatives, but there are different situations, in many families it's impossible to get along.

Reply

Flowtastic | 16

#5773213 - Saturday 30 November 2013 13:17

24 - to also be fair she did willingly take the journey to the in-laws with him as well to be put in that environment. ;)

By vewwe | 20

#5773165 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:03

Maybe it's time for you to go and fight with your sister-in-law and her boyfriend? At least you will get some sleep then

Reply

XDsmileyDX_fml | 24

#5773166 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:06

Or propose a three-some... If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5773241 - Saturday 30 November 2013 15:30

#6, I agree, the OP can get in some "sexy time" and a hole new series of fights can begin.

Reply

Horsempeg | 25

#5773251 - Saturday 30 November 2013 15:58

Just goes to show ya, marriage isn't always the way!
Clearly her sister-in-law is happier with her boyfriend!

Reply

parism143 | 28

#5773384 - Saturday 30 November 2013 17:51

Just because she slept with him doesn't necessarily mean she'll leave her husband for him.
It's sex, not anything serious.

Reply

YourBatteryIsLow | 8

#5773452 - Saturday 30 November 2013 19:11

#39 Who says OPs sister in law is married? It is probably OPs husbands sister, and nowhere in the FML does it say she is married.

Reply

swaggalikethat | 22

#5773751 - Saturday 30 November 2013 23:32

Or maybe Op's sister in law was fighting her boyfriend. Op just couldn't hear the muffled screams over the squeaky mattress.

By CarbonCoach | 11

#5773167 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:08

I'm really confused. I think I half get it though... So what are they all fighting about? What's the center point?!

By underthesea12 | 24

#5773169 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:12

start a fight with the love birds

By HortonThelephant | 15

#5773173 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:18

I think its probably safe to assume we know what kind of pie the boyfriend ate that night for Thanksgiving.

Reply

BillMurray_fml | 12

#5773245 - Saturday 30 November 2013 15:52

Pumpkin?

By Not_Impressed13 | 9

#5773176 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:20

Isn't it wonderful how holidays bring families together?

By WordAficionada | 19

#5773177 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:23

Family feuds during holiday season are pretty common I guess, good luck though.