Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I'm 23. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I logged onto Facebook to a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML
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Top comments
momsquared 10
At least she still cares about your health.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Even senile, she has your best interest at heart :) I think that's sweet
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Comments (93)
kaytasha 18
I think that is sweet, shows she cares about you.
akakennedy 16
"Who just got given the sex talk." Sounds like she needs to give you the Grammar talk!
underthesea12 24
better late than never
volleyballer1002 11
what's 5ml?
TheSacredRatty 18
It’s FML’s fifth anniversary
AlexRen 21
Sorry to hear about your mom, but remember to always wrap it up!
jsimmons94 11
I love that everyone's like 'why doesn't he just delete it!' A, how do you know he didn't delete it or hide it before he even posted this, and B, did it ever occur to anyone that maybe he doesn't want to hurt his mother's feelings, even if she is 'senile?'
mintyowlgirl 20
5ML ;)
cwbygmer 2
she may be senile but she can still facebook and cares about you.
MurphyGallagher 18
Embarrassing but she cares. Could be worse though, you could be a 34 year old virgin.
CoolWhip025 8
But you still knew what it was right