Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I'm 23. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I logged onto Facebook to a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML
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Top comments
momsquared 10
At least she still cares about your health.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Even senile, she has your best interest at heart :) I think that's sweet
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Comments (93)
lil_mars 1
WTF is up with this "5ML" I keep seeing ?!?!
pwnman 33
It's to celebrate the 5th year of FML's birth.
pink_lightning 16
FML's life* (-:
rockhead1270 5
Are you a virgin?
weveallbeenthere 30
she's doing it because she cases,. mental health issues can get really bad. if she is getting there GET HER HELP.
Redvelvet16 11
Today you are a 34 year old male who cannot delete posts on his timeline from his senile mama on Facebook. :)
Girlie7 11
Wow ,I wish I was your friend in fb;)
juan3611 14
Hide it from your time line so no one can see :D
daisylokes 16
I think your mother wants you to get a woman already , obviously she wants grandkids.
israelnotjacob 20
So what did you learn?
Neesalun 20
At least you got your's. My mom still hasn't given me mine and I'm 42.
kmartFTW 12
You can hide the post from everyone on your time line except her so she believes everyone can still see it! Sorry OP