Health: Today, I learned the hard way what the inside of my toe looks...

By soni_miller - United States - Burke

Today, I learned the hard way what the inside of my toe looks like. FML

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soni_miller tells us more :

Hey guys! I'm OP, I just didn't log in to give the FML. At the end of October, my iPad accidentally fell on my big toe, affecting my nail and the skin around it. It still didn't heal and yesterday it started chipping and peeling off. It actually didn't hurt when it did. But DO NOT EVER DROP YOUR IPAD ON YOUR TOE BECAUSE IT WILL HURT SO BAD.

Health

Sorry…

Season finale

Taking stock

By GrossedOut - United States

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

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By Lissa - 13/1/2021 01:58

Start worrying

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn’t have me as a pinned text message thread on his phone. But he definitely has his female best friend pinned. He even has a cute nickname for her. The girl he says, "Not to worry about." FML

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By mr_dinzaster

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

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By sister sister - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

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By NoMeatFail - Canada

Today, I was eating Campbell's vegetable soup. Halfway through, I started to read the ingredients and found beef broth. I have been a vegetarian for seven years. FML

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By Freechbear - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

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By my bravado's gonna kill me one day

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

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By amg85904 - United States

Fart are funny, period

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

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By hotboxed

Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML

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By lex31 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

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By Thorin - United Kingdom

Today, I cut myself deeply with an expensive razor that advertised it's impossible to cut yourself with. Twice. Guess I always was an overachiever. FML

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By Badabim

Today, 5 minutes before closing, a customer was taking a bike from the row while I helped someone else. The customer ended up pushing the whole row down and left instantly without even apologizing. It took me about an hour to pick up the bikes and check for damage. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

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By magicalDEATH - United Kingdom

Today, I flew a toy helicopter into my face. FML

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By epicvixen - Canada - Richmond

Today, while driving, I saw someone's hubcap blowing away behind me on the highway. I thought it was funny and sort of chuckled to myself. Later I realized it was my hubcap. FML

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By clecker - Australia

Today, I finally paid off the massive debt on my credit card. I came home only to find that almost everything I owned had been repossessed an hour before I paid the debt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

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By Tams - Canada

Cheers, Henry

Today, my grandma and I went to visit one of her friends. The elderly gentleman told me I'd grown into a very beautiful young woman, to which my grandma replied, "Have you started in on the sherry early this evening, Henry?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up to a small fire on my roof, burning up small twigs and branches. The cause? Last night, I threw a sparkling firecracker up very high, only to have it blown onto my roof by the wind. It's going to take $2,000 to fix the damage. FML

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By CatLady - United States - San Francisco

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

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By losingit - United States

Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML

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By madzlovesgee - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a "terrorist" and other names by a customer 'behind my back'. I made him the best sandwich I'd ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, "Your total is $9.11." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Greenfield

Today, I got fired from my childcare job of five years because the other staff weren't as popular with the kids, so they accused me of being "creepy" because the kids all wanted to play a game with me instead of them. FML

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By ccgundum - Canada - Vancouver

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

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By Soakedandbroke - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

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By Iamdisappointed - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to my stepdad's funeral. He was the most important person in my life, but it didn't stop my stepsister angrily saying, "Why are you crying? He wasn't even your real dad." FML

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By blondessdoll - United States

Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

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By Araya - United Kingdom

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

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By billjoebob424 - Canada

My pleasure

Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML

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By JasonX0656 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML

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By tina

He is proud of the duration

Today, I finally had sex with my new boyfriend, well, penetration anyway. Turns out, he has premature ejaculation, and no idea how bad at sex he is. He actually thought he did a good job by lasting 20 seconds. He was done after 4 thrusts and was somehow confused. I didn't orgasm either. FML

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By Subliminal message - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

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By stolen-car - United States - Columbia

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

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By :( - United States

Today, I learned it's best not to piss off your mom when she's cutting your hair. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

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By Dr_Dolittle - United Kingdom

Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of whistling sound as it spins around. I was standing a little too close, luckily it missed both my legs, but hit my happy sacks full on. FML

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By stew - United States

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

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Top comments

By Chrysic | 20

#6520401 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:56

What exactly happened

By WCARlover | 34

#6520405 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:59

Wow, that sounds toetally, disgusting sorry OP!

COMMENTS

By Chrysic | 20

#6520401 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:56

What exactly happened

Wizardo | 33

#6520657 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 22:13

Toetality.

cornyrob | 33

#6522308 - Thursday 28 January 2016 15:06

What would be the easy way?

supr_sexy | 9

#6524444 - Saturday 30 January 2016 22:14

and whoxh yoe ar

By irwingiggles | 26

#6520402 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:58

That sounds painful! What happened?!

By FSGInsainity | 15

#6520403 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:58

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By WCARlover | 34

#6520405 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:59

Wow, that sounds toetally, disgusting sorry OP!

HeyItsCamilo | 17

#6520734 - Wednesday 27 January 2016 0:14

nailed it!

By drunkmunkey | 24

#6520406 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:00

remember if you hold the barrel facing down always have it pointing slightly away from your body

The12thPaladin | 8

#6520425 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:24

What makes you think OP was holding a gun? OP could have easily cut their toe open.

thatguy206 | 27

#6520710 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 23:25

you don't get the joke do you?

By MyrmidonQueenn01 | 9

#6520407 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:00

Well the more you know, the more you grow I guess

By Toksik_Kid | 14

#6520408 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:00

What does OP mean

Queensland | 27

#6520413 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:03

On penis. It's a secret code word people use when they're having intercourse and commenting on FML at the same time.

okudatwo | 11

#6520415 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:03

Original Poster.

sureshadow | 23

#6520457 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:46

Oragami Paper. the secret art of folding paper so it looks like cute animals.

EvilTurtle | 35

#6520496 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 19:17

People just don't learn, do they? It means Orangutan Penis.

Pokemonguy | 7

#6520533 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 19:51

It means OVER POWERED

willsnow18 | 11

#6520584 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 20:41

only pussy

Madrias | 36

#6520706 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 23:23

Orange Paste

SteveBassist | 20

#6520721 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 23:36

Outstanding Peanuts.

PePziNL | 20

#6520848 - Wednesday 27 January 2016 2:05

One Piece.

thefaekitten | 29

#6520985 - Wednesday 27 January 2016 5:00

Orgasmic Pussy

dabaerju | 23

#6523054 - Friday 29 January 2016 6:40

Well, I think what the OP was trying to say was that something terribly happened to her toe, allowing her to see the inside of it.

Oh wait, am I answering it correctly? Oh dear.

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6520409 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:01

Gotta watch out for that slippery ice

By HoboMeth | 32

#6520412 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:02

Rip

By anyagrande | 31

#6520416 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:03

Nice