Health: Today, I learned the hard way what the inside of my toe looks...

By soni_miller - United States - Burke

Today, I learned the hard way what the inside of my toe looks like. FML

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soni_miller tells us more :

Hey guys! I'm OP, I just didn't log in to give the FML. At the end of October, my iPad accidentally fell on my big toe, affecting my nail and the skin around it. It still didn't heal and yesterday it started chipping and peeling off. It actually didn't hurt when it did. But DO NOT EVER DROP YOUR IPAD ON YOUR TOE BECAUSE IT WILL HURT SO BAD.

Health

Triage

Dicks aplenty!

One law for me…

By NotAsGoodAsATruck - United States - Ludington

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

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By dead_painter - United States - Arlington

Today, after spending hours of my time painting sets for the last two months - with less dedication than only the head painter herself, and to the point where my health and grades suffered - I finally got to see the play I worked so hard on. I was the only one they forgot to put in the playbill. FML

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By Smokey

Today, I found out that my neighbours are mad at me because I smoke. I don't smoke on the balcony, I walk away from the apartment complex so that they won't be affected by my bad habit. They're still mad at me because they can still see me. Didn't know that you could smell with your eyes. FML

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By IvyBlackeyes

Today, I sprained my ankle at dance class. No, I was not dancing when I did it. I was trying to step off on a small mat so I could go home. FML

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By Anonim23

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

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1508

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By Brenden - 25/1/2021 13:59

Sucker

Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s on her way to my friend's place to have her guts rearranged. FML

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774

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By Trey Deluna - United States

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

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By footfood - Slovenia

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML

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By Hunterxx - United States

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

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By welly223 - Canada

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

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By dontbadouche - Senegal

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

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By Deadmeat

Throw the bill at the kid. Do it.

Today, I was really excited that I'd made it the two weeks I'd borrowed my mother-in-law's new car without putting a scratch on it. I got off work to discover a customer's child throwing rocks in the parking lot. They cracked the windshield. FML

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By ccat209 - United States - Riverton

Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on my way to work I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

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By coloring is not for me - United States

Today, in an attempt to lower my stress and anxiety, I tried out an anti-stress coloring page on my phone. I couldn't get the color to evenly fill inside the lines and it stressed me out even more, to the point where I started crying at work. FML

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22051

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me, saying I've changed and she can't be with someone who's so emotional all the time. Well I'm so sorry that after two weeks, I'm not quite over my brother's death yet. FML

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By commando - United States

Today, I was preparing to perform with my marching band at a competition. Right before we went on, a tuba player friend of mine offered to help me stretch. He wound up snapping my bra. I'm a drum major, and had to conduct the entire show while my boobs were falling out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML

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By hiker - United States

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

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By proudestmonkey - United States

Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML

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By ~Mr.Void - United States

Today, my friends and I got front stage tickets to our favorite band. Being my first concert, we planned to start a small mosh pit in the back. I got knocked out by my bestfriends elbow and was rushed to the hospital, during the first song. FML

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By whenlifeisalemon - United States - San Francisco

Today, I waited patiently in the airport as my flight was repeatedly delayed. After 5 long hours I approached one of the attendees to discover that the plane had left 5 minutes ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML

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By slickboy0023 - United States

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

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By Imnotfromhere - 13/2/2021 05:01

Great mom you got there

Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

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By anonymous

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

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By Anonymous

Check out Mr. Moneybags over here!

Today, I found out that my wife has been getting rid of every single item of clothing I didn’t compliment her on. This has probably cost me thousands already. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

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By Misty3242 - United States

Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML

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By scared2poop - Australia - Brighton

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

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By evil Santa - United States - Solon

Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

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9612

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By Champion the wonder horse - United States

Today, a bunch of guys at work chased me down a corridor with a Febreze spray for smelling like I'd been "sleeping in a hollowed-out horse's carcass" and having "the personal hygiene of a billy goat." FML

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10949

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By fml_seriouslyfml - United States

Today, I left my wallet on top of my car when I filled up with gas. I drove away and didn't realize it until I got home. I went back and found it on the side of the road. Empty of my credit cards, pictures and checks. All that was left was my driver's license. FML

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27527

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By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boyfriend slept with my sister. "Accidentally", apparently. FML

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Lost again

Today, the boy I like, came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

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2698

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By jseid2 - United States - San Leandro

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

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63728

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was excited when I saw a missed call. It wasn't my ex-boyfriend finally willing to talk, it was the creepy guy I met on the bus in November who I haven't seen since but has written me poetry. FML

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Top comments

By Chrysic | 20

#6520401 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:56

What exactly happened

By WCARlover | 34

#6520405 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:59

Wow, that sounds toetally, disgusting sorry OP!

COMMENTS

By Chrysic | 20

#6520401 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:56

What exactly happened

Wizardo | 33

#6520657 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 22:13

Toetality.

cornyrob | 33

#6522308 - Thursday 28 January 2016 15:06

What would be the easy way?

supr_sexy | 9

#6524444 - Saturday 30 January 2016 22:14

and whoxh yoe ar

By irwingiggles | 26

#6520402 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:58

That sounds painful! What happened?!

By FSGInsainity | 15

#6520403 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By WCARlover | 34

#6520405 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 17:59

Wow, that sounds toetally, disgusting sorry OP!

HeyItsCamilo | 17

#6520734 - Wednesday 27 January 2016 0:14

nailed it!

By drunkmunkey | 24

#6520406 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:00

remember if you hold the barrel facing down always have it pointing slightly away from your body

The12thPaladin | 8

#6520425 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:24

What makes you think OP was holding a gun? OP could have easily cut their toe open.

thatguy206 | 27

#6520710 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 23:25

you don't get the joke do you?

By MyrmidonQueenn01 | 9

#6520407 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:00

Well the more you know, the more you grow I guess

By Toksik_Kid | 14

#6520408 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:00

What does OP mean

Queensland | 27

#6520413 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:03

On penis. It's a secret code word people use when they're having intercourse and commenting on FML at the same time.

okudatwo | 11

#6520415 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:03

Original Poster.

sureshadow | 23

#6520457 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:46

Oragami Paper. the secret art of folding paper so it looks like cute animals.

EvilTurtle | 35

#6520496 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 19:17

People just don't learn, do they? It means Orangutan Penis.

Pokemonguy | 7

#6520533 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 19:51

It means OVER POWERED

willsnow18 | 11

#6520584 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 20:41

only pussy

Madrias | 36

#6520706 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 23:23

Orange Paste

SteveBassist | 20

#6520721 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 23:36

Outstanding Peanuts.

PePziNL | 20

#6520848 - Wednesday 27 January 2016 2:05

One Piece.

thefaekitten | 29

#6520985 - Wednesday 27 January 2016 5:00

Orgasmic Pussy

dabaerju | 23

#6523054 - Friday 29 January 2016 6:40

Well, I think what the OP was trying to say was that something terribly happened to her toe, allowing her to see the inside of it.

Oh wait, am I answering it correctly? Oh dear.

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6520409 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:01

Gotta watch out for that slippery ice

By HoboMeth | 32

#6520412 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:02

Rip

By anyagrande | 31

#6520416 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 18:03

Nice