Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML
Today, I thought I was in a relatively soundproof room before I started up my vibrator. It would have been, if the door wasn't wide open behind the curtains. FML
Today, I acted like I always do when I'm alone in my seemingly sound-proof apartment. I sang loudly, talked back to the TV, used my vibrator. Later, in the silence of the night, I heard my neighbor next door YAWNING. FML
Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML
Today, at dinner, my downstairs neighbors described how they can hear most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew that it's not my phone that's vibrating at that time. FML
Today, my new neighbours moved in. I had always thought my bedroom wall was soundproof, because my old neighbours never complained about my loud night terrors. Turns out they were just stone deaf. The new ones can hear everything. FML
Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML
Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML
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Top comments
RoccoRox 0
just say, I do have a boyfriend, he's just battery operated ;).
glorialaura21 8
well just say it's your electric toothbrush! ..and you were making noise bc you have sensitive teeth and it hurts when u brush? lol duhh
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Comments (257)
KAYRRIE 0
wow. how did u find out?
charbz 0
I can satisfy you
LexSwift 17
I kept reading that as "My parent's walls" I was like, "I'm not understanding!!" and then I read it right lol. Anyway, sucks for you, OP. But when it comes to masturbation, there are two types of people in the world.
LexSwift 17
The ones who admit to it and the ones who lie about it. So it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Sorry. I hit submit by accident. Lol.
shadyecko 0
Today, my apartment walls are so thin that we heard our neighbor using her vibrator for two hours straight. She does this everyday. FML
mickeyinvegas 0
why can't any of these girls live next to me??
meneedlove 0
And how did you get to know that after 3 years? Anyway if I would have lived next to you I would have knocked your door after the first day to help you. lmao
dug44 0
for all he knows, it's a toothbrush. you love the FEEL of an electric toothbrush..... ahhhh, fresh breath......
jweezy89 4
54, congratulations on owning the dumbest quote ever. Human beings are by definition: animals. We have just ascended to the top of the food chain through superior knowledge and the poseable thumb.
RedPillSucks 33
Everyone's saying she's either fat or ugly. Has anyone thought that she could be practicing abstinence? The church is against male masturbation cause guys waste precious seed, but females can go to town all day cause there's no ejaculant (and the multiple ****** thing). *stands back and lets the fight begin*
EvilDave 13
Actually, you and the church is wrong because the verse they point to as being against masturbation is actually talking about someone practicing the withdrawal form of birth control. I really hate religionists who don't know what their own "holy" (or should that be holey) books say.
zwreck 1
how about this one? **** religion, what it says, and just do whatever the hell you wanna do. sounds pretty nice to me =]
EvilDave 13
I would like to be her neighbor.