Today found out I need to have emergency surgery which is extremely... - FML

By "Brittney Anderson" - 24/03/2019 14:00

Today found out I need to have emergency surgery which is extremely convenient considering I'm literally supposed to be moving out of state in 2 days and my whole house is completely packed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 077

You deserved it 121

Sorry…

Thanks, Marley

You BARBARIAN!

It's a pillow soft for my neck

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, while tucking my toddler in bed and telling her I love her, she responded with, "And I love your bouncy castle belly!" I know I'm overweight, but I didn't think I was that fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 150

By mynoseburns - 22/02/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 432

You deserved it 2 647

Teddy is always there for you

By Lunar-Spice - 16/12/2020 04:54 - United States - Midlothian

Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 73

By megan - 01/04/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 133

You deserved it 2 455

Better Call Saul

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 05:00

Today, apparently according to my parents, since they raised me, it gives them the right to use the money I worked hard for, and there’s nothing I can do about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 91

By jordanss - 11/11/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn't wash my hands afterward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 084

You deserved it 3 442

By oumalina - 12/08/2010 01:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 928

You deserved it 8 389

Young at heart

By nothreat33 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister that read, "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 502

You deserved it 3 833

By Disappointed Teacher - 10/12/2013 21:32 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I taught a college course with a group of 30 adults. I was educating them on leadership and gave a 25 minute lecture, with examples like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, and how they changed the world. Then I opened the forum to see who inspired them. The response? Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 825

You deserved it 4 809

By spark - 27/08/2014 17:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my windshield wipers being stolen twice in a row, I decided to hide in my car to catch the thief. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the new wipers were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 868

You deserved it 10 018

By Pissed - 21/10/2009 10:05 - New Zealand

Today, I was standing in the gas station, pulling out my wallet to pay the $100 of gas I just filled my car with. I opened my wallet and found a note saying "borrowed money for food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 321

You deserved it 4 302

Stupid cat

By cathater - 06/01/2020 01:00 - United States - Eddington

Today, as I was getting dressed for my big date, my cat pooped on my only shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 866

You deserved it 731

By xo_lezz - 01/03/2009 17:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 507

You deserved it 16 628

Catch 22

By Claire.L - 10/05/2020 20:00

Today, I gave my boss a two-month notice. He threatened me by saying he wouldn't provide a reference if I quit in July instead of August. I need the reference to pursue my dream to work in the USA as a nanny. I have no other choice, I either work under their pressure or start all over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 19:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 207

You deserved it 4 783

By hawkknight - 23/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Portland

Today, at work, I broke the drinks machine for the third time. The first two times I broke the key, this time I switched it off and couldn't turn it back on after my manager warned me not to mess with it AFTER I had switched it off. The best part? The key is still broken from last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 288

You deserved it 5 616

By Anonymous - 18/05/2015 16:58 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 020

You deserved it 4 001

By MLeguillon - 01/09/2014 04:34 - United States - Imperial

Today, after years of wonderful flying experiences, I boarded a flight and took my seat only to find a baby sitting in front of me, behind me, and to the right of me, and across the aisle from me. All of whom decided to cry in unison. It was a 9-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 525

You deserved it 4 220

By housematefromhell - 21/07/2018 21:29

Today, my housemate revealed her supposed loss of function of her arm was all a lie. I spent hours in the ER with her and had to go to work the next day. Last time she lied about cancer. I'm stuck sharing with her for another 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 665

You deserved it 352

By Pierce - 05/06/2009 16:56 - United States

Today, I was with my 14 year old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds. We rushed up, waving our arms and scared away the much bigger attackers. The baby sparrow ran toward us for protection, then went past both of us and ran straight down a storm sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 790

You deserved it 4 462

By single once again - 07/10/2015 07:41 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an account on a sex hookup site. He said it has "interesting articles" and that he'd completed his profile and listed his sexual preferences out of boredom. When I told him to sign in and prove he hadn't been messaging girls, he refused and called me paranoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 2 590

By Tara - 31/10/2008 07:06 - Sweden

Today, I baby sat a four-year old kid, because his parents went partying. Once in bed, he yells "I want to go party!!". After 3 or 4 times, I told him to go to sleep. 2 hours later, wet bed. "Told you I want to go potty!!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 953

You deserved it 52 194

By Anonymous - 27/03/2012 19:08 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I missed my dentist appointment. I couldn't attend, because I was too busy puking my guts up due to a bad reaction to the pain medication I'm taking for my toothache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 403

You deserved it 2 304

By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 18:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 574

You deserved it 5 977

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 4 101

By Wickls - 18/12/2008 08:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 099

You deserved it 29 264

By sorethumb - 15/12/2015 23:39 - United Kingdom - Bookham

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 456

You deserved it 3 356

By Scooter - 25/09/2018 05:00

Today, I replaced the battery in a closet’s electronic keypad door lock, and I accidentally locked myself inside. My family was traveling, so I had to call a neighbor. He got me out, but took pictures and posted to social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 533

You deserved it 693

By Username - 05/10/2011 00:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 800

You deserved it 12 596

By sydysyd - 21/11/2010 23:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 433

You deserved it 53 867

By Anonymous - 14/05/2010 23:19 - Canada

Today, I tripped in front of my graduation class of 225 and all of their relatives while receiving my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 460

You deserved it 4 841

By moopymoplady - 29/11/2011 00:44 - Canada

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 219

You deserved it 5 609

By FailedSalesman - 17/12/2016 17:39 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I was working at our garage sale with my dad. I sat outside for 2 hours, talked to three people, and sold nothing. My dad came outside and got angry at me, so I told him to give it a shot. He sold 3 things to the first guy who walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 960

You deserved it 1 006

Routine

By youaresodumb - 27/09/2010 04:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 375

You deserved it 34 200

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 06:06 - United States

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 542

You deserved it 3 649

Don't give in!

By Pissed off and scammed. - 10/09/2021 05:00

Today, my girlfriend is still mad at me because I got a MINISO cup and she doesn't have one. I was actually given that mug yesterday as a prize for working the extra hours I was forced to do last week without getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 22/12/2012 11:15 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had a look through my dad's girlfriend's phone she left on the table. Best part: I now know what I'm getting for christmas. Worst part: I now know my dad's favourite position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 554

You deserved it 76 621

By RingRing - 11/12/2010 07:12 - United States

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 423

You deserved it 34 134

By Dsark - 19/02/2014 05:12 - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 249

You deserved it 3 716

By rani - 02/02/2013 22:34 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 121

You deserved it 5 535

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 24 March 2019 15:50

I hope when they’re in there, they give you a literalectomy — a simple procedure where they remove your need to throw unnecessary “literallys” in your speech.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 24 March 2019 15:45

She’s being sarcastic.

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 24 March 2019 15:08

"Inconvenient "

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 24 March 2019 15:45

She’s being sarcastic.

indienerdgirl 27

Send a private message

Sunday 24 March 2019 15:12

That sucks but taking care of your health is way more important. I hope you have people that can help you recover and help with your belongings.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 24 March 2019 15:50

I hope when they’re in there, they give you a literalectomy — a simple procedure where they remove your need to throw unnecessary “literallys” in your speech.

Send a private message

Sunday 24 March 2019 20:51

I think half of America could use one of those.

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 24 March 2019 19:27

In my experience, emergency surgery is inconvenient no matter the circumstances.

Send a private message

Thursday 28 March 2019 12:44

Be thankful they caught whatever needed being caught & are able to do the surgery. That said, I’m sure you are but are worried enough as anyone would be. Will be praying for a quick recovery. Shalom.

Send a private message

Thursday 18 February 2021 18:18

Something like this happened to my parents in 1966, when I was four. Two days before we were supposed to move across country, my baby sister died of SIDS.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 27

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 146