Today, I had two minutes to get to the bus stop which usually... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/7/2009 18:59 - Norway

Today, I had two minutes to get to the bus stop which usually takes me eight minutes. I had to catch that bus to be at work at the hospital in time. I was in such a hurry, I didn't have the time to tie my shoe laces. I ran with untied shoe laces. I did end up in the hospital. FML

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All for nothing

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By feelthelove - 2/11/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2011 22:37 - United States

Today, I got trapped in a glass elevator at the mall. My father walked right by the elevator, laughed and went into a store. A fireman got me out. FML

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By psychedout - 10/8/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, "You snooze, you lose." Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

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By crushed dreams - 16/6/2011 06:20 - United States

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

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By make america date again - 10/2/2016 17:49 - United States - Blacklick

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, I've now been told that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2012 23:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2009 04:35 - Australia

Today, I was on the bus, when an elderly woman stepped in. She looked too weak to stand. She looked at me with her sad puppy eyes, expecting me to give up my seat for her. I felt sorry and got up. As soon as she sat down, she says, "Ha! Sucker!" She didn't look so cute anymore. FML

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By MileHighGirlGuy - 14/3/2017 14:00

Today, I almost got upgraded to business class because the gentleman at the check-in was so mortified at having called me "sir" instead of "mam." However, before it could go through, his colleague stopped him, telling me that it was "an easy mistake to make." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

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By BlueBaby123 - 25/7/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

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By catlover - 16/6/2011 16:14 - China

Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

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By Unculturedsimp - 19/5/2020 17:00

Baby daddy

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I got her pregnant and didn't own up to it. I wouldn't have blamed her if it didn't actually happen in her dream. FML

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By gordy1220 - 13/2/2010 18:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I got back from my daughter's flat in Scotland. I got a flight there yesterday morning to surprise her on her 21st birthday. Nobody told her I was coming. When I got there, it turned out she decided to get a plane to London to surprise me. £200 on flights, and I didn't even get to see her. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2014 18:30 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

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By androidjezus - 3/11/2019 18:30

Halloween, the long wait

Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML

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By shit - 13/5/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML

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By XxmegaronixX - 25/6/2016 04:55 - United States - Fond Du Lac

Today, my workplace often leaves out "expired" food from the café that our department coincides with, as it is wasteful to throw away perfectly fine cuisine. I soon discovered that the inside of a seemingly normal looking cupcake was actually filled with mold when I took a large mouthful of it. FML

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By lexyloo - 26/9/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend preferred to delete his account than admit we are in a relationship on Facebook. FML

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By fmlguy382 - 22/6/2011 08:13 - United States

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

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By Old? - 14/1/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

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By Ackno - 6/5/2017 16:00

Today, I was having sex with my husband when the pores on his forehead triggered my trypophobia. We had to stop before I had a panic attack. FML

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By DanceOnTheEdge - 20/7/2009 01:23 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML

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By paula434 - 5/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

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By innocent - 6/1/2015 03:11 - United States

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

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By owned - 24/1/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 08:13 - United States - Seaside

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

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By Margaret - 4/9/2020 02:02 - Canada - Toronto

Rollercoaster

Today, within the span of one day, the owner of the business I work at said I could write "Technical & Compliance Manager" on paperwork where I was the approver for engineered compliance of product regulatory records, but also that I was "basically just a secretary." FML

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By BritneyFink - 4/2/2009 21:05 - Canada

Today, I bought a jacket with real fur on it. Turns out, i'm allergic and now my ears look like they have herpes on them. FML

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By freakfreak12345 - 19/7/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a window, the hornets will go after the source of the stream. It can also cause you to fall through your friend's second story window. FML

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By RustyBulletHole - 4/2/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

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By C2 - 17/1/2009 23:17 - Australia

Today, at a party, I watched the guy I've liked for AGES come out of a bedroom with one of my gay male friends. They were in there for a while. FML

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By drycleanplz - 21/6/2011 02:33 - Reserved

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

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By Mitchellbassists - 17/4/2015 15:27 - United States - Dayton

Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML

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By GoAggies - 21/6/2016 17:11 - United States - Herriman

Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML

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By Weldingtags - 28/10/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML

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By AkaiKitsune - 27/8/2017 04:30

The Trifecta

Today, after blacking out from fever, I found out that the reason I've been feeling so sick is that I've somehow come down with pneumonia, strep, and the common cold all at the same time. FML

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By promposer - 4/4/2016 18:55 - United States - Dobbs Ferry

Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML

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By skywayavenue - 19/3/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2020 23:00

No good deed goes unpunished

Today, I went in for my first day of work. I told them three months in advance that I was going away for 2 weeks to build a school in a third world country. I was fired. FML

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Top comments

By XblahhX | 0

#438637 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:51

Looks like your schedule is a little tied up.

By Someone_somewere | 7

#438679 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:05

I never even untie my shoes

COMMENTS

By XblahhX | 0

#438637 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:51

Looks like your schedule is a little tied up.

Reply

gofriars | 0

#438713 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:18

how the hell did you end up in the hospital from running with untied shoelaces? are you handicapped?(mentally or physically)

Reply

jaybrown | 0

#438866 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 3:19

#10, She could have stepped on the shoelace and tripped, or gotten it caught somewhere making her fall and hurt herself. I'm having a feeling YOU'RE the handicapped one...

Reply

Dabookofnothing | 0

#438893 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 3:35

no seriously the worst she could do is like scrape her knee unless she was going really fast and broke/ sprained her ankle cause she fell on it weird well in that case sux for u

Reply

IceCubez | 0

#439387 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 7:45

There's a bus coming and you trip over on your shoe laces, and the bus is still coming and...WHAM

Reply

yougetmecloserto | 0

#439796 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 13:21

HAHhahahaha #37

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#440361 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 18:57

Well, if you crack your head on something when you trip and fall, it can be serious. It does like something really stupid to go to hospital for, but OP could have gotten a concussion or something like that.

Reply

FarSide | 22

#442036 - Thursday 30 July 2009 8:19

Well on the bright side, at least your hospital stay is paid.

Reply

ReyEr9412 | 0

#938338 - Friday 12 March 2010 5:51

I'm thinking faceplant.

Reply

azhein | 0

#1037900 - Monday 21 June 2010 8:16

scraping your knee is not the worst thing that could like 37 said pretty much anything could happen

By redbluegreen | 40

#438648 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:56

Honestly, you should've just tied them. It doesn't take more then ten seconds.

Reply

hundremeterhekk | 0

#438817 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:54

det er fordi du er fra finmark ;)

Reply

lolfylanydi | 0

#1493386 - Monday 4 October 2010 0:15

takes me about 2 minutes to tie mine

By Ballafo | 0

#438651 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:58

LLADS

By tgm0112 | 0

#438656 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:59

FYL

Damn shame. That's one thing you won't likely let slide again.

By brink0war | 3

#438658 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:00

You should have at least tucked your shoelaces inside your shoe.
YDI for not doing that

By zeal | 0

#438666 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:02

Haha, I love the wording in this one! But YDI sorta for being late in the first place. And it only takes a couple of seconds to tie your shoelaces...

By Someone_somewere | 7

#438679 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:05

I never even untie my shoes

By Karpolo | 0

#438729 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:25

Did you trip and die?

Reply

Dixbfloppin | 11

#5078391 - Thursday 25 October 2012 2:38

Yes.

By NonImmigrant | 0

#438734 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:27

YDI for wearing shoes

By NinjaSpirit2012 | 0

#438746 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:29

Well you got a free ride to work!

Reply

live2swim | 5

#3849157 - Sunday 8 January 2012 7:53

Haha Yaa at least he probably made it on time :)