Today, I had to kick my husband's friend out of our house after a week. He left lights on, played video games all day, ate all of our food and laughed when his son hit my dog. He was only invited over for one dinner. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML
Today, I set aside a weekend to spend time with a friend. I learned that someone else is staying there: a fat, unemployed man-child who talks shit about us on Facebook, while his manipulative wife pays his bills. He got evicted from his last home when he pretended to be a ninja and cut up his neighbor's garden. FML
Today, I left my husband in charge of the house for a day. When I returned, I saw him gaming through the window, so I stormed in and yelled at him. Then, my eyes adjusted, and I saw the neatly folded laundry, clean kitchen, vacuumed rugs, and my son, who was asleep until I woke him. Whoops. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, my husband threw an epic tantrum about how “men are allowed to have female friends”, smashed stuff in the living room, for him to storm out and slam the door, making the house tremble. All I did was tell him that his friendship with his secretary made me uncomfortable. FML
Today, I was sick and tired of my husband talking to his female friend from high school all the time. They reconnected after 7 years and have been talking non-stop day and night, to the point of neglecting the marriage. I told him it was either me or her. He took off his ring and kicked me out of our house. FML
Today, after I continued repairs on the home of a hoarder family member, guess which one of us wasn't invited to the family dinner… FML
Today, my boyfriend and I spent all day preparing an amazing meal for my extended family, and then 3 hours before dinner his crazy mother forced him home because she felt "excluded". He's spent the past 3 days with her. There's no way for me to keep him and get rid of her. FML
Today, it was my second day of house-sitting. I was so out of my mind from not seeing people that I invited a bunch of friends over for dinner. I said I would pay for pizza and we could all hang out in the house. Even with an unsupervised house and free food, no one showed. FML
Today, it's been about two months since I made my husband sleep in the spare room after an argument. I invited him back to our room after two nights but he refused. Since then he’s moved a TV, Xbox, fridge and new armchair into the spare room, and put a lock on the door only he has a key for. I’ve barely seen him. FML
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Top comments
RememberSchlitz 9
OK, maybe he gets a little drunk at dinner and you let him crash on the couch for the night. But how can the guy think that both he and his son staying for a week is even remotely OK?
GlennGuagmire 20
One week is a lot of time. Should've kicked him before.
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Comments (32)
zebra3_fml 7
You me and Dupree.
jedikenny 7
I wonder how long he would've been there if you hadn't said anything.
Hybricide 8
I would have kicked him out after him laughing at an animal getting hit.
DanielleinDC 34
How did you not throw him out, oh, the next morning, assuming he slept off his bender?
great_nate 26
If your husband had any balls, he would have handled the situation with his friend instead of leaving it for you.
Dillon Arbogast 10
In the NC if you invite someone to stay the night and they do, legally have the right to stay for 29 more days rent free. If I end up homeless, Ima go house shopping and convince the people that live there to let me stay “only one night” in their mansion with two pools, tennis & basketball court, 27 bed/53 bath. Yep