Kids: Today, I had to explain to my friend that a blue raspberry is... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 121

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 1 588

08/01/2016 16:19

Today, I had to explain to my friend that a blue raspberry is not a blackberry, and that blue raspberry is an artificial flavor, not a fruit. This explanation took much longer than it should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 222

You deserved it 2 201

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

The smell detective is on the case

Smelly cat, smelly cat…

That's a mother

By Anonymous - 23/02/2020 20:00

Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 486

You deserved it 302

13/09/2012 03:58

Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 101

You deserved it 36 500

Get it on, bang a gong

By can’t sleep - 17/06/2020 17:04

Spicy

Today, and for the fourth time in a week, my 60-year-old neighbors have woken me up by having obnoxiously loud sex. Complete with over the top moaning and the headboard smashing against our shared wall. When I asked them nicely to quiet down, they laughed and called me jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 311

GHOSTS!

By fml_anon - 19/03/2016 08:33

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 046

You deserved it 4 228

01/07/2014 04:12

Today, I watched a Youtube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 268

You deserved it 11 019

04/01/2014 06:10

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 479

You deserved it 22 994

02/01/2014 13:17

Today, I did a bike ride and run with a gent I'm serious about. On the run, I had a big lead until he passed me up saying, "I'm going to marry you." Puzzled that he would propose and then sprint away leaving me trailing, he clarified at the finish. His words: "I'm going to bury you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 219

You deserved it 5 361

10/08/2015 15:35

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying: "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 649

You deserved it 2 208

17/09/2010 11:36

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 378

You deserved it 3 498

18/11/2014 23:43

Today, my self-esteem hit rock bottom when I was intimidated by a 10-year-old. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 699

You deserved it 6 737

04/01/2012 19:01

Today, I went to the doctor's office. People kept staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. Later, I realized my sister's puppies had chewed a noticeable hole in my pants' crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 5 564

11/09/2010 04:53

Today, I was moving. While packing, I found an old photo that had been laying face down in the bottom of a drawer for some time, and some of the ink transfered to the drawer lining. There is now an image of my ex-girlfriend's face permanently burned into the bottom of my nightstand drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 028

You deserved it 5 731

23/11/2016 21:14

Today, the district manager visited. Also today, I got called into the office to talk about "personal hygiene". The assistant store manager asked me if I had some kind of medical problem and advised me to shower regularly because my co-workers have been making comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 174

You deserved it 4 214

Denial

By Anonymous - 02/05/2020 20:00

Today, I got told repeatedly to "stay in my lane" by a woman in her 40s. Why? Because I politely asked her if she had a mask when she entered the retail store I work in. Our policy is that everyone must wear a face mask in the store at all times. One hour down, 8 more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 295

06/03/2009 02:29

Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I stretched out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 069

You deserved it 11 764

19/01/2019 14:00

Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 453

You deserved it 251

06/07/2012 06:52

Today, I was walking in Walmart with my dad. We walked past the deodorant aisle. My dad said, "Need any deodorant?" I said, "No thanks." He replied, "That was a hint." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 713

You deserved it 32 781

All out in the open

By Anonymous - 03/06/2020 08:00

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend took some extremely strong painkillers that unfortunately gave him a giddy sense of euphoria. He then stripped naked in his parents' lounge room and yelled, "You've all seen it before!" His really religious parents didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 165

Kids will be kids

By bad influence - 29/03/2021 15:30

Today, I've been getting terrible backlash from the neighbors after I forbade my kids from hanging out with one of the neighborhood kids. They think I dislike her because she’s trans. The truth is she’s rude, disrespectful, has been in several fights and had run ins with the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 65

10/01/2010 01:23

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 223

You deserved it 3 387

Drunk twit

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 06:06

Spicy

Today, I learned if you've slept with your soon to be step-brother, you should tell your family. If you don't, he may blurt it out while drunk at a family barbecue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 612

You deserved it 44 087

Welcome to capitalism, baby

By Larissa E. Royster - 26/09/2021 17:00

Today, after spending months building my boss 3 websites and finishing them, I was fired via a short email, saying she didn't need my help anymore. I only worked for her for 3 months, so basically I stopped being useful when I finished her websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 70

31/01/2012 03:54

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 436

You deserved it 5 343

Thanks, I hate it

By wowgranny - 22/12/2016 20:08

Today, my grandma told me that I'm starting to look like my sister. I jokingly replied, "Uh-oh I'm in trouble then." She gave me a very disapproving look and said, "You should be happy. She's beautiful, unlike you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 657

You deserved it 1 265

10/06/2013 15:55

Today, I was in the bathroom at work when I ran out of toilet paper. There was another guy in the restroom so I asked him if he could hand me a roll. He laughed, called me a dumbass, turned off the lights and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 139

You deserved it 6 010

01/06/2013 07:51

Spicy

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 898

You deserved it 6 146

01/11/2015 15:12

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 226

You deserved it 1 312

06/08/2015 10:50

Today, I discovered that the five-star meal that my friend treated me to last night was actually meant to be repayment of the $200 I loaned her last month. I needed that money for bills and she refuses to give me another cent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 919

You deserved it 2 594

01/05/2013 21:48

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 146

You deserved it 40 772

04/06/2009 04:52

Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks plus theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 109

You deserved it 3 431

11/05/2012 23:16

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and go seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 631

You deserved it 6 219

21/02/2010 19:34

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 127

You deserved it 49 314

What happened?

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 01:00

Today, after 5 and a half years, my boyfriend had spent months talking about proposing before the end of the year. He'd picked out a ring, told all his friends, and couldn't stop talking about our future. He then dumped me over the phone out of the blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 60

09/03/2011 09:52

Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 852

You deserved it 7 095

30/01/2015 12:49

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 240

You deserved it 2 344

27/12/2014 21:15

Today, I was chatting with the girl of my dreams, a real heart-to-heart. Everything was going great, and I asked her if she'd like to get coffee together sometime. She immediately backed away and excused herself, mumbling something about not dating left-handed people. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 323

You deserved it 2 680

Toodles

By JinsNeck.exe - 19/01/2021 19:02

Today, after knowing my friendship group for 9 years, who were like my family, I found out that they actually hate me and have been trying to get me to go away for 5 years. When I left, they laughed at me, argued with me and their exact last words were, "K bye" and then kicked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 123

27/10/2010 06:12

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 634

You deserved it 6 385

13/03/2015 04:19

Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 817

You deserved it 4 442

13/12/2011 02:04

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 301

You deserved it 3 107

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Top comments

Queen_of_Night 20

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:16

You do realize that the artificial flavor is based of the whitebark raspberry which is also known as the blue raspberry? Just like the artificial banana flavoring is based off the Gros Michel banana not the cavendish that we eat today. In other words, you're both wrong.

coming back in the future 30

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:04

That was berry stupid of him.

Comments

Zappaz 32

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:03

Maybe you need new friends...?

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:37

I thought people base off their friendships with personality... not intelligence. Seems like you might be one of the odd ones out!

ThatOneChick856 36

Saturday 9 January 2016 0:43

While I agree with "good personality > intelligence", it'd be very odd as a human being to be friends with people who aren't even close to being in the same realm of intelligence as you. It's just how people work.

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Saturday 9 January 2016 5:19

Isn't intellect a part of one's personality?

foampositedaddy 12

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Saturday 9 January 2016 6:11

#1 it's not that serious fam.....

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Saturday 9 January 2016 22:23

Well, I have some friends that I got to know better at the start because they weren't the brightest in class. So I would spend some of my time to help them understand, this in then turns into a friendship... befriending one with the same intellect is not always the case. Maybe it would seem that way to older people who've been working, so they befriend others in the workplace, and they are usually of the same intellect and have similar abilities in their skill sets.

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:03

Honestly this shouldn't even need to happen. Why is it BLUE raspberry?

Ashd09 30

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Saturday 9 January 2016 5:21

I believe that raspberry was made blue to avoid confusing raspberry and either cherry or strawberry while eating mixed candies.

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Saturday 9 January 2016 6:14

Blue raspberry flavoring actually stems from the white bark raspberry.

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Saturday 9 January 2016 6:29

Probably the sane reason as "green apple", except green apples actually exist

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Saturday 9 January 2016 7:26

Blue raspberry does have a bit of a different taste than regular raspberry

coming back in the future 30

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:04

That was berry stupid of him.

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:06

Just look at it this way: dumb friends can be entertaining.

Miss_Chevious 37

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:07

Everyone has a right to be stupid, but it seems like your friend abuses that privilege.

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:09

I'm impressed you stuck it out for the entire explanation. I wouldn't be given up halfway through.

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Saturday 9 January 2016 5:35

Yeah I'd give up halfway through teaching you grammar

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Saturday 9 January 2016 6:53

Holy shite! I really need to proof read before I post. lol

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:13

I guess your friend was a little BLUE when they found out that berry wasn't even real. I'll leave now...

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Sunday 10 January 2016 3:52

No! Come back lol

ColonelCusswords 24

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:14

People are like different elements. Some can be really fucking dense.

Queen_of_Night 20

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:16

You do realize that the artificial flavor is based of the whitebark raspberry which is also known as the blue raspberry? Just like the artificial banana flavoring is based off the Gros Michel banana not the cavendish that we eat today. In other words, you're both wrong.

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:22

I just Googled and was not disappointed. Thanks for the info, #9!

tarlax 11

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:24

Yeah, play with semantics hard enough and you can make anyone seem to be wrong.

PhoenixChick 26

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:26

Dude, I read a history of candy, that covered the explosion of blue raspberry flavor in the industry, and they didn't even mention that. Thanks!

Queen_of_Night 20

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:30

#15 What semantics? There is actually a blue raspberry that the flavor is based on. Yes, they make it a ridiculous blue but so is most candy.

StephanieMarie7 5

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Saturday 9 January 2016 0:20

they make the dumbest flavors