Today, I had the contraceptive implant removed from my arm after having had it in for three years. I was one of the unlucky people whose body sticks to it. It took half an hour to cut and pull a tiny little stick out of my arm. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, it's been one week since I went to get my birth control renewed. It also marks 16 days until I get the half that broke off in my uterus removed. FML
Today, I finally had my doctor's appointment to get my tubes tied. I've been waiting for 2 years. Instead, I found out that my birth control failed and I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML
Today, I found out that I have unnecessarily been using birth control for the past 10 years. A surgery I had following a complication with my first child apparently rendered me infertile, and none of the doctors bothered to enlighten me. FML
Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I had an IUD put in two years ago that's supposed to prevent pregnancy. To put it in perspective, less than 1% of people using this IUD get pregnant. Lucky me. FML
Today, I had emergency surgery to remove my fallopian tubes. I'm one of the 0.5% of people who get pregnant after having their tubes tied. FML
Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML
Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML
Today, I have peace of mind that I am not pregnant, thanks to my IUD. It's not because of the effectiveness of the contraceptive, but my inability to touch my boyfriend. I haven't stopped bleeding since my doctor installed it 3 weeks ago. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Helenarth 6
And now I'm suddenly scared of having mine out.
amyrules99 7
I can't tell if "sticks to it" was planned or not considering t was a stick
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (150)
amandadh90 0
That's EXACTLY what happened to me today!!!! That crap hurts now.
DocBastard 40
All this tells me is that the person removing it doesn't have a goddamned clue what s/he is doing. Even with some tissue ingrowth, it should take no more than 5 minutes. Unless your doctor has hands of stone. If you don't know what you're doing, don't ******* do it.
DrumMajor 5
Oh thank goodness! I have the same thing OP has and I thought "Oh God, I hope this doesn't happen to me".
styphon 5
It may have traveled. Sometimes Norplant/implanon will migrate and be much harder to remove.
greenie213 23
Shoulda had DocBastard working on you. He'd get you fixed up
FYLminerocks 7
And make sure the contraceptive actually worked.. That dirty bastard..
Michaelsmith1502 4
A
unknown_user5566 27
A... useless comment?
THE_A_TEEN 28
A for what? Aardvark? Arbok? Appendage? Anal? Ass? I'm dying of suspense here!
Fishfanatic 7
Oh dear I hope that doesn't happen to me! I'm having mine out in september as I have gained weight because of the hormones ( despite doing 3 high impact aerobics classes, 2 weights classes and 5, five mile walks every single week for the last 3 years, as well as eating the correct diet ) And I also detest children on an unimaginable scale so I wish to be sterilised ( which is what I wanted originally and am intending to fight the swines and their ageist discrimination every step of the way to get it ) I hope it heals quickly OP. Given that your body "sticks" to it, I presume you will choose a different form of contraceptive? .Having researched the coil I definitely do NOT want either version of it myself . Too many horror stories and it's not permanent enough for me !!
hama806 19
Get your tubes tied if you hate kids so much. Or better yet...abstinence. A potential child abuser stopped in her tracks!
datoismyname 22
This is FML not a blog.
ShyAnn29 15
You can try Depo Provera shots, you get them every 3 months, I haven't gained weight, so maybe that'll help you
twinkiefeets 17
Wow, how much weight did you gain? Your profile said you lost 60 pounds. Kudos!
Dracoboxer357 36
59- Oh, I don't know about that, everyone's here to share opinions or laugh at them, I see no problem with her sharing her related story. :) Fishfanatic, good job losing the 60 lbs of weight that you have, I know from personal experience how great it feels for that level of accomplishment, as I had lost 80 lbs myself. The dress looks good on you. :) Cheers!
Squeaky_Tomato 14
Ugh wish I could be sterilized. For some reason they make us wait until we are 30. >.<
DustyStorm 16
I gained 33 lbs on depo provera, nuva ring was my top pick for 15+ years, and a month ago I decided to get an IUD because it's as good as being sterile....they won't take my uterus out either because I'm too young and/or haven't had a child.... There's a great reason I haven't had one! Don't want one!
ManInTheMachine 20
I'm curious about what odds you beat. If it was one every one hundred thousand, then I would go to the nearest casino. If it's one in a million, then I would stay inside during thunderstorms. But your doctor was probably making an excuse for his butterfingers.
hama806 19
So now you have a scar to show how responsible you are. Better then an unwanted pregnancy at the wrong time. Hope you're ready for kids.
rattusrattus 19
You have no idea what you're talking about. The implant is meant to be removed after three years. If you leave it in after those three years, you basically have a stick of plastic in your arm. Then you get another one put in. Dumbass.
peachyFML 17
Also, there are other forms of birth control.
hama806 19
81- OP scarred from the first implant. Why would she get another? I was simply stating that she was smart for being responsible. And unless she uses another form of birth control, she will probably get pregnant if she's still having sex, which I'd hope she was ready for. You're assuming that she will get another implant. Now that's being a dumbass!
chimocho 8
Why is that being a dumbass? It's a scar. I got one when mine was put in, I'll get another when it's taken out. But it's an efficient and long-lasting method of contraception with no worries about forgetting pills or breaking condoms. So when mines removed, and it'll be cut out because mines done what OPs has, I'll get one put straight in the other arm.
fistnazal 10
Weeeell.. I guess it beats the pain of an epideral? Or a baby dome (if you prefer natural). Or these ungodly cramps I hear of? I dunno. I'll give you half of my peanut butter and crack sandwich? It'll make things better ;)
unknown_user5566 27
Look at it this way: giving birth is A LOT more painful than having a contraceptive implant removed.
SapphireVelvet 8
Same happened to me 18 years ago. It hurt so bad. You'd think they'd have perfected the product and technique by now. So sorry. I understand what you went through.