Today, I had a meeting with a potential roommate to rent a 2/2... - FML

By AtheistLookingforRoomie - 12/1/2017 22:00

Today, I had a meeting with a potential roommate to rent a 2/2 space and it was going well. We laughed, joked, and seemed to get along and want the same things. At the end of the conversation, however, he said he needed to "pray" about his decision to room with an atheist. This probably won't work out. FML

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Season finale

Mr Sensitivity

They're everywhere

By nothappywithlife - 30/3/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

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By KarlwithaK - 19/5/2009 03:29 - United States

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

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By WTF? - 3/10/2013 16:42 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

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By blah - 2/6/2020 23:00

Exercise One

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML

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By ...loud noises...urgh... - 2/11/2011 16:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

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By bryans_fresh - 12/6/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him as well as my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worth $0. I said yes. He cut the wrong card. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2016 14:42 - United States - Pardeeville

Today, my dad might be dead. I'm basing this solely on the fact that he hasn't called recently to verbally abuse me as he often does. He constantly beat me as a child, yet now I'm kind of worried for the piece of shit. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2013 22:58 - Israel - Netanya

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML

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By Z3R0G5 - 6/1/2014 23:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

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By CanadianEH - 8/11/2016 23:39

Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML

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By parkinglotslayer - 11/6/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2019 00:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML

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By ConstantChoas - 12/7/2019 06:07

Today, I found out the procedure manual I've been creating for months and finally finished is going to be used to train the person replacing me. FML

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By hayleediaz - 16/7/2015 17:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

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By sleeplessinID - 15/8/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

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By anonymous - 25/10/2016 04:29 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, I got a citation from my landlord because my puppy couldn't make it to the grass and peed in the shrubs. Later in the evening, I got a citation that my music was too loud. Until I'd submitted my 30-day notice yesterday, no one ever had a problem with me FML

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By yosenfal - 28/4/2012 01:04 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2015 22:07 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

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By - 17/2/2020 18:00

When karma does its job

Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML

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By 00sasori - 27/3/2013 05:41 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML

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By mandy - 5/9/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

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By pissed off - 17/5/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

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By mystupidname - 3/9/2019 14:00 - Denmark

Sixteen again

Today, my dad and his new fiancée are like two love-sick bunnies. They start having sex immediately whenever I leave the house. Even when I take out the trash. FML

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By dhdyvifjdksk - 26/1/2020 03:00 - United States

Good deeds

Today, I donated blood and the nurse said: "God blesses good deeds", when I get home, my mom tells me that we have to sell the house because we're broke. FML

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By MissAnonymous93 - 14/5/2016 15:32 - South Africa

Today, I got my tonsils removed. My body also agreed that today was a good day to get a bad cough. My bed currently looks like a scene out of "Dexter". FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 20:02 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Insurance fraud

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't have a license, backed up my car in a Taco Bell parking lot. Someone else was also backing up and smashed right into my car. If they ask to see the camera footage, they're going to see he was driving and not me. FML

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By oregongrl1991 - 29/1/2010 03:32 - France

Today, my fiancé told me he didn't have the money to make payments on my engagement ring and that I either have to return it, or make the payments myself. Now we aren't engaged any more, and are "dating." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 11:38 - United States - Salem

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2019 04:30

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

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By Squeak - 6/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Bragg

Poor Despereaux

Today, I baked a cake. After feeding it to my entire family, I opened the stove, planning to temporarily store the cake inside. I then noticed a mouse, burnt to a crisp. FML

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By sothatsano - 16/12/2015 08:56 - United States - Spokane

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. At the right moment, I got down on one knee. As I was reaching into my pocket to get the ring, she got so freaked out she kicked me in the face. I chipped a tooth and the ring flew off, and now I can't find it. FML

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By bastard - 22/12/2013 21:28 - United States

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

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By omgitserika - 18/11/2009 15:09 - United States

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 07:26

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 04:21 - United States - Erie

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

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By burnnnnn - 22/2/2010 01:31 - Ecuador

Today, I was walking with a friend after buying two cups of steaming hot coffee. While crossing the busiest street in town I tripped and fell, spilling the coffee all over me. My friend didn't notice I fell right in front of her and tripped over me spilling her coffee on me as well. FML

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By Username - 3/8/2019 18:00 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was sitting on the porch of my apartment when my drunk upstairs neighbour decided to take a piss. I got my first golden shower. FML

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By Catfish - 29/3/2018 01:30

Today, I met the "cute guy" I've been chatting with online for a few months. He never smiled in pics, but I didn't think anything of it until I got to his place and he started talking. He didn't have a single tooth in his mouth. FML

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By vicgal - 14/8/2009 18:33 - Canada

Today, while having sex I realized two things. First, I can't remember the last time my boyfriend gave me an orgasm, and secondly I think the curtains slightly clash with the duvet cover. I was more annoyed with the second one. FML

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By Recon - 17/3/2009 12:16 - Switzerland

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

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Top comments

By SlugsOnDrugs | 13

#7387493 - Thursday 12 January 2017 22:14

Assuming he was polite about it, I assume you'd be the difficult roommate, seeing as you don't respect his beliefs.

By TomNap | 5

#7387489 - Thursday 12 January 2017 22:11

Why not? So the dude needs to pray. If he comes back and tells you his god refuses to let him live with infidel scum then yeah, that's probably not gonna work. But otherwise I don't see much harm.

COMMENTS

By Jatok | 17

#7387488 - Thursday 12 January 2017 22:09

That shouldn't effect your living situation that much (given he agrees to let you live there). Not like you need permission to eat or something.

By TomNap | 5

#7387489 - Thursday 12 January 2017 22:11

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By RichardPencil | 28

#7387490 - Thursday 12 January 2017 22:12

And he'll probably pay rent with notes that say "In God We Trust." Pushy bastard!

Reply

themajesticfox | 0

#7388852 - Sunday 15 January 2017 4:57

dude unless you haven't realised, Muslims aren't as bad as everyone thinks, they're actually just like you(except they know what manners are), and this is coming from someone who lives and works with them. Don't stereotype a culture you don't even know a lot about.

By jenjen53 | 7

#7387492 - Thursday 12 January 2017 22:13

If he decides that it's ok to room with you, maybe you could ask him not to try to convert you. If he agrees, then why not?

By SlugsOnDrugs | 13

#7387493 - Thursday 12 January 2017 22:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By hunt3009 | 16

#7387503 - Thursday 12 January 2017 22:28

So what? Unless he tries to push his religion on you, then I don't see much of a problem with that.

By Mongo999 | 9

#7387519 - Thursday 12 January 2017 22:55

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By luisedgarzon | 0

#7387548 - Thursday 12 January 2017 23:23

Maybe he just wanted you to get on your knees.
That might be even worse than a religious fanatic.

Reply

jimmyironic | 9

#7388274 - Saturday 14 January 2017 11:15

homophobes like you are even worse.

By Alup132 | 22

#7387567 - Thursday 12 January 2017 23:54

Most people aren't like that.

By UltimateBob | 11

#7387572 - Friday 13 January 2017 0:05

If anything that's a good sign, he's less likely to steal if he's extremely religious (I'd assume)

Reply

sweetpotato301 | 7

#7387788 - Friday 13 January 2017 11:54

Actually, extremely religious people are capable of doing very immoral things, just like anyone else. In fact, they sometimes do awful things in the name of that religion.