Today, my older, temporary coworker comments every time I yawn,...

By Anonymous - 17/02/2019 12:00

Today, my older, temporary coworker comments every time I yawn, sneeze, cough, leave my desk to use the restroom, and on what I eat at lunch, laughing the whole time. It’s driving me crazy. Only 8 more weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 932

You deserved it 144

You tried

Our house, in the middle of our street

Late term

By Chan - 23/01/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 088

You deserved it 40 507

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 735

You deserved it 9 032

Drumroll please

By Gunaditya - 23/04/2021 00:30

Today, I was supposed to having the interview for which I'd been preparing for the past week. I join and 5 minutes later, some guy joins, just to tell me that there's been some technical issue and the interview will be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 58

By theJoblessArchaeologist - 13/04/2017 05:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 253

You deserved it 304

By dawg3360 - 07/06/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 578

You deserved it 134 062

By curlyisnogood - 10/01/2011 00:19

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 155

You deserved it 3 731

By Username - 10/10/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 610

You deserved it 2 585

By hot_mess88 - 04/07/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 013

You deserved it 2 570

By whatdidimarry - 24/09/2015 23:31 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I caught my husband and the cat licking the butter together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 200

You deserved it 2 278

By Seriously? - 06/01/2014 07:17

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 542

You deserved it 6 512

The reflex, flex flex flex flex

By Flyaway - 21/03/2021 11:56 - Australia - Rhodes

Today, a fly landed on my dentist's arm. The same arm and hand holding the needle inserted into my gum. He instinctively tried to shake it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 44

By svenska75 - 03/09/2014 21:30 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 801

You deserved it 3 806

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 466

You deserved it 8 692

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 065

You deserved it 6 951

By Alyssa - 31/03/2012 18:53 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 442

You deserved it 2 481

Testing, testing, 1-2, 1-2

By Decisions6 - 16/04/2020 05:00 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, my therapist made me take a test to see what level my depression was at. There was a whole bunch of questions with multiple answers to choose from. One question was, "Do you find it harder to make decisions?" I couldn't decide which answer to pick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 285

By pissed girlfriend - 25/02/2013 03:08 - United States - Celina

Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 903

You deserved it 5 599

By livin - 11/09/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out that on Wednesday, when I have 2 exams, I'm called to testify in court. If I go to court, I cannot make the exams. If I take the exams, I'll be held in contempt and arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 082

You deserved it 5 910

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 23:32 - United States

Today, I checked over my notes from yesterday's midterm review so I could study for the test on Monday. It seems I was so exhausted, I'd done nothing but scribble unintelligibly all over the first page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 089

You deserved it 8 063

By Anonymous - 23/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 271

Awkward

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 02:01

Today, I saw my friend's ex and noticed she had gained a ton of weight since he dated her and had been dating someone else. It reminded me of my friend, so I messaged him and made a joke about her being unrecognizable. He informed me that they started seeing each other again last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 1 146

Mystery

By Sharriff Rahman - 05/08/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that my wife of ten years is still deeply in love with her first crush from before she met me. Now I'm starting to wonder whether her first time was really with me, as mine was with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 165

By "AdorableDoxie" - 17/12/2018 22:00

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 341

You deserved it 352

Ouch!

By pickle - 20/09/2019 06:01

Today, I applied mascara directly onto my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 516

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 13:30

Today, in addition to having to deal with chronic pain that keeps me from driving for more than 10 minutes, I now have to deal with my brother who thinks I'm not paying him enough for taking me to school 2 days a week, when he does the journeys for himself anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 456

You deserved it 168

By anonymous - 11/04/2011 03:26

Today, we had a tornado warning and I told my parents I loved them, just in case. My dad just said "see you in Kansas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 232

You deserved it 8 239

By Anonymous - 30/11/2011 19:55 - United States

Today, it's my soon to be 12 year old daughter's birthday. On my break at work I texted her how much I loved her and happy birthday. She replied with, "K, when will you be home? Mom won't let me open presents until you're here." Good to know I'm loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 734

You deserved it 5 067

By Anonymous - 30/07/2016 13:45 - Maldives

Today, while using the bathroom I gave the toilet a courtesy flush, only for it to overflow and soak my pants. That would've been bad enough even if I hadn't been at work, with five hours left on my shift and no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 246

You deserved it 1 048

By TRalalla - 07/08/2010 17:10 - Canada

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 955

You deserved it 5 688

Dumbasses

By stay in there - 17/04/2020 23:00

Today, I got a call from the local police station. Apparently, my idiot son and his equally dumb girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to have sex in the car at a park in broad daylight. They assumed no one would be there due to the quarantine. They were wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 270

Bad tipper, good shitter

By kmctl - 20/05/2015 18:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some guy walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered enough food to serve the entire National Guard of Texas. He thanked us by leaving a $0.50 tip and shitting on the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 939

You deserved it 1 986

By WhyTheEff - 20/11/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 450

You deserved it 3 072

By Welp - 03/07/2016 12:39 - Romania

Today, I found out that my company used a nice photo of my coworkers and me for their corporate website, in efforts to make their office seem fun and relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't just fired every single person in the photo, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 244

You deserved it 1 090

By marriedlesbian - 12/02/2019 16:00

Today, after a dangerous and painful emergency caesarean, I received an SMS from a guy I turned down for a date, saying he was crying and so excited to meet 'our' baby. I've barely even shaken hands with this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 390

You deserved it 223

By Notfamous - 02/12/2015 22:18 - United States - West Point

Today, my mother found out I published a book. She demanded that I pay her all my royalties as repayment for her raising me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 735

You deserved it 1 512

By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - 15/08/2016 03:58 - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 482

You deserved it 1 881

By Nana - 22/10/2012 15:39 - Sweden - Skellefte

Today, I showed my friends the picture I drew picturing the four of us in a 'zombie apocalypse' setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend, and I'm creeping them out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 662

You deserved it 8 483

"Why are you booing me? I'm right"

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 18:00

Today, I broke my toe on a decorative statue I bought for our front yard. My husband warned me it took up too much space and was a hazard, and now I get to hear him say, "I told you so." FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 913

Go deep

By Anonymous - 28/03/2013 20:56 - France - Sainte-savine

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 058

You deserved it 16 948

By Anonymous - 05/03/2013 18:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 144

You deserved it 5 409

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 17 February 2019 13:32

Someone who comments at every possible opportunity? I didn’t know such people existed.

Seeya55 31

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Sunday 17 February 2019 12:56

It's like you're living in your own narrated RPG!

Comments

Seeya55 31

Send a private message

Sunday 17 February 2019 12:56

It's like you're living in your own narrated RPG!

davidfong 14

Send a private message

Sunday 17 February 2019 13:03

He writing a work biography on you

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 17 February 2019 13:32

Someone who comments at every possible opportunity? I didn’t know such people existed.

darkshadus 10

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Sunday 17 February 2019 15:00

Here is an even better idea everytime they make a comment say the countdown until they are gone, ie: "Only X days, X hours , Xminutes

kieralumina 30

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Sunday 17 February 2019 15:35

This is one of those "Act your age, not your shoe size" kind of situations.

iceberg 10

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Sunday 17 February 2019 16:39

Wouldn't surprise me if this person ends up being hired for longer

PhoenixChick 26

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Sunday 17 February 2019 22:25

I had the same thing when I was a temp. Is your coworker named Doug?

Sinshine 27

Send a private message

Monday 18 February 2019 8:25

Have you tried simply telling them that the constant commenting is annoying?

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 48

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 146

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 47