Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML
Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML
Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
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Top comments
LiveLaughFML 10
it's like being nice to the weird kid and then BOOM stalked for life!
hellojpg 0
Smoking killss
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Comments (68)
BronyVasNormandy 12
If you would've listened to him, you would've heard him include lung cancer in his medical history. He was trying to tell you that, while he thanks you for your generosity, you should stop smoking to save yourself from his very predicament. Listen to the crazy man, OP. It could save your life.
zombicidal 11
I assume he saw OP smoking and asked to bum one no one just walks up and hands someone a cigarette
zombicidal 11
still thumbs up for the mass effect reference for the username
Coolguyt2 0
FYL for being stalked. YDI for smoking an giving a stranger a cig
2ndSucks 15
Like the creepy guy in the office! Keep being nice to him, when he goes crazy he'll spare you.
MegaTroller_fml 5
At least you got rid of him.
marpay 11
Give a man a cigarette and he'll follow you around for hours. Lol sounds like the give a mouse a cookie story.
marpay 11
Edit milk for beer or some kind of liquor and cookie for some form of meat and I think we have a best seller. Whacha say to 50/50 cut?
marpay 11
Milk for **** and we could make this a porno. That my friend is a multi million dollar idea. Sure I'll take the 60 you take the 40. ;)
michaeljcaboose 7
That was the first thing that came to my mind too!!! Title can be "If You Give A Hobo A Cigarette..."
icic6772 0
Light another cig and shove it in his eyes
DangerDude 11
YDI, It's a dick move to give a guy a cigarette and never offer a light.
arrowshockey18 2
haha that was good
Taurus_ChicKa 37
YDI for giving some random stranger a cigarette. Or anything for that matter. You never know who could be a psychopath/stalker/rapist, etc.
KiddNYC1O 22
He's recruiting people to do those anti-ciggs ads.
MobyDick123 2
Wow YDI OP