Today, I found the phone number of my biological mother after...

By thedeadone - 15/07/2019 00:01

Today, I found the phone number of my biological mother after years of searching for her, and gave her a call. I introduced myself by name and said, "I'm your daughter." There was a pause at the other end, followed by, "The one I aborted or the one I gave away?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 322

You deserved it 194

Recycle this!

Help! I need somebody!

Sketchy

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 20:55 - United States

Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 672

You deserved it 36 706

By RoseTylerTheDoctor - 11/06/2017 06:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I told my crush how I feel about him. It's been over 12 hours and he still says he's thinking about it. I asked him about it ; he says he's thinking of how to reject me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 954

You deserved it 416

Cashback

By elle_hamilton - 25/08/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, when I told a gentleman that, no, he couldn't have cash back on his return without a receipt, he started screaming at me that I was calling his mother a liar. He told me to lawyer up and yelled at me for smiling at him. He also screamed at me to go on a diet as he left the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 113

By LonelyLoner - 26/11/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with a girl I like and her best friend. We had a good time, even talked for a few hours at the restaurant, but after we left, she stopped talking to me. Her friend told her that I kept staring at her chest; I was trying to see what her pendant was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 836

You deserved it 38 118

By blob - 21/02/2013 00:32 - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 878

You deserved it 2 736

By givingup - 30/01/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 809

You deserved it 63 037

By Yoda - 08/07/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 896

You deserved it 4 884

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 16:41 - United Kingdom - Houghton Le Spring

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 612

You deserved it 5 892

By wtf mom - 31/05/2013 04:20 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 634

You deserved it 3 520

By fuck you with a bacon cock - 04/04/2014 22:07 - United Kingdom - Forres

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 213

You deserved it 3 478

By Groped - 02/04/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 714

You deserved it 5 244

By stupidity - 25/05/2012 19:30 - Switzerland - Geneva

Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 38 895

By moneymoneymoney - 08/10/2013 14:34 - United States - Tampa

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 228

You deserved it 7 064

Thanks, I hate it

By FFS - 28/05/2015 17:41 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 202

You deserved it 2 905

Redesign

By rian - 03/04/2021 21:30

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 65

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 19:51 - Estonia

Today, I realized that not only did my parents not get me anything for Christmas, they also stole the $500 my grandparents gave me to buy a computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 019

You deserved it 2 842

Underperforming

By ThatIsNotIt - 24/01/2021 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 239

You deserved it 141

By anonymous - 21/12/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to give me my Christmas present early because he's going to his grandparents' house for Christmas and won't see me. I was excited, until I unwrapped a sweater that I left there a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 166

You deserved it 2 976

Dashed

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 00:01

Today, my Doordash driver texted me to let me know my son had picked up the food I'd ordered. I don't have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 61

Supportive

By Khagen - 27/01/2021 05:01

Today, after two rounds of antibiotics, I got a yeast infection. My husband started calling me "Yeasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 87

By Des - 11/05/2019 18:00

Today, it’s been 3 weeks since I had an interview for an internship this summer. I’ve applied to over 40 internships over the past 6 months, and this was the only interview I’ve had. I banked my entire summer on this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 318

What a banker

By Norse_Freyja - 15/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Conroe

Today, my husband and I went to the bank to figure out why our loan process has been such a pain in the ass, and why we can never get in contact with our lender. The bank said he quit last week. Guess he didn't think to tell anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 46

By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 227

You deserved it 31 899

Apron strings

By heatherjo - 02/11/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me he wants to buy an engagement ring for his mother, so that she doesn't feel left out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 399

You deserved it 3 916

By RahiYeah09 - 17/09/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 149

You deserved it 7 131

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 04:17 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 197

You deserved it 2 597

By Emily - 05/12/2012 17:55 - United States - Boston

Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 635

You deserved it 4 322

By Iamfurios - 12/12/2016 18:43

Today one of my flatmates told the rest of us to stop using the toilet after 10pm cause he's a light sleeper and the flushing noise wakes him up. After arguing about it, he gave us his 'permission' to use the toilet, but only if we don't flush until the next day. Guess who is always the first to wake up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 482

You deserved it 693

By shit Music - 30/06/2016 07:32 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I forgot my headphones at home. When I got to work I found out that today was also the day the band next door had decided to practice their only song for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 492

You deserved it 917

It's mine now

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 20:00

Today, my best friend's boyfriend stole her car, so now she wants my car, the one that I just bought from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 129

By Anonymous - 03/12/2015 09:47 - United States - Tualatin

Today, I completed my two-month internship, where I have been working as hard as I could with the hope of being hired. My boss couldn't remember my name, and declined to be a reference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 589

You deserved it 1 419

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 07/10/2009 01:11 - Canada

Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 312

You deserved it 6 785

By baby names - 23/09/2018 22:00

Today, I helped a lady give birth on the train. She was so happy she asked if she could name the baby after me, but as I told her my name she visibly turned her nose up at it, turned to her husband, and suggested naming it after his grandfather instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 266

You deserved it 258

By clinictime - 11/04/2012 23:05 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 432

You deserved it 5 017

By A troubled ex med school student - 06/02/2013 03:08 - United States - Dublin

Today, I attended my first surgery as part of my program at med school. I found out that when I see someone's intestines, I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. There goes the thousands of dollars I spent on college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 159

You deserved it 6 668

By Ohgreat - 17/10/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 521

You deserved it 46 643

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 726

You deserved it 6 259

By ohEw - 09/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 924

You deserved it 246

By Blue_Heart - 05/09/2015 18:47 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I decided to bike to work. I normally forget the key to my lock, so I leave it out back and hope that nobody takes it, and nobody does. I finally remembered my lock key so I chained it up. After my 7 hour shift, I walk to the back only to find the lock had been cut, and my bike was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 811

You deserved it 1 949

Hangry sex

By Krissy - 06/04/2012 02:11 - United States

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 069

You deserved it 4 828

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Boyufd 24

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 0:15

well that's a good thing she gave you up for adoption

riley873 21

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 0:21

and that one question proves she made one (possibly two) good decisions in her life 🤷🏿‍♀️

Sarah Lyn Guillen 12

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 0:04

Sounds like my Mom. We may have the same one.

EmDizzle2007 28

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 2:38

so... you're the dead one??

mazor 22

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 8:45

You must be the aborted one, then.

Boyufd 24

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 0:15

well that's a good thing she gave you up for adoption

riley873 21

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 0:21

and that one question proves she made one (possibly two) good decisions in her life 🤷🏿‍♀️

1gullible_bugger 33

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 1:11

Hahaha.. Sorry to laugh, but.. Maybe there is a good train she didn't raise kids.

EmDizzle2007 28

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 2:39

choo choo

1gullible_bugger 33

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 22:57

Oops good reason.. Damn autocorrect

Beauford Rego 4

Monday 15 July 2019 1:17

Well don't leave us in suspense... Which one are ya????

Taylor Caldwell 10

Monday 15 July 2019 23:39

Look at the username..

nemcali 34

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 1:26

Wow I hope your adoptive family is lovely. You dodged the bullet here.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 2:33

You survived your abortion? I guess you didn’t get the memo. Even if you did, fetuses can’t read.

jc1015 23

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 5:33

Should’ve said the 1 you aborted and that you were there to haunt her

Cowgirl1293 26

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 7:54

I agree

Sarah_360767614 8

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 8:42

Clearly you dodged a bullet, there.

bass_ftp 12

Send a private message

Monday 15 July 2019 9:13

It's probably safe to assume any intelligence you have is from your dad's side.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 48

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 141

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 47

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments