By Widespread - 18/11/2009 08:43 - Australia

Today, my 5 year old lactose intolerant daughter decided to have some chocolate. The result: me cleaning the bathroom walls at 3am, finishing at 4:30am, and then start cleaning again at 5am when her stomach contents decided I had missed a spot. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 311
You deserved it 4 529

Australian315 tells us more.

Hi I just joined up to FML after this comment got posted (as it was mine) and i just wanted to verify some things. a) my daughter only ate chocolate because a kid at school gave her some, even though her teachers know that she cant have any dairy b) I do keep all of the dairy in our house hidden c) she only spewed at 3am because she has late reactions, eg, around 12 hours after she eats the dairy please stop saying how im a bad parent. accidents happen.

Top comments

#1 and #2 clearly have no children. Parents can do their best and their children will still find ways around obstacles when they're determined to do so. The good news is that natural consequences of her actions will help this little girl think twice before dis-obeying the rule about eating an item with dairy in it in the future.

You idiots expect them to lock their kids away from all outside influences? 5 year old's do go to school, and they have friends that they occasionally associate with outside of their parents supervision. It's impossible for the parent to supervise every second of every day of the child's life. It's damned easy for a kid to find chocolate. Think back to when you were a kid, if your parents banned you from doing something, then you damn well found a way to do it. If you didn't then you sucked as a kid.


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That's exactly what I wondered. Why is there even chocolate in the house? If you want to eat it that's fine, but don't you think you should put it somewhere a 5 year old cannot access?

#1 and #2 clearly have no children. Parents can do their best and their children will still find ways around obstacles when they're determined to do so. The good news is that natural consequences of her actions will help this little girl think twice before dis-obeying the rule about eating an item with dairy in it in the future.

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The best parents are those who don't yet have children. You'll's not as easy as just locking something away and keeping an eagle eye on them. Kids are smart and find ways to get what they want.

Who's to say the OP didn't take precautions to keep the chocolate away from her daughter? Come back after your kids are teens and you won't be nearly so critical of this parent.

You idiots expect them to lock their kids away from all outside influences? 5 year old's do go to school, and they have friends that they occasionally associate with outside of their parents supervision. It's impossible for the parent to supervise every second of every day of the child's life. It's damned easy for a kid to find chocolate. Think back to when you were a kid, if your parents banned you from doing something, then you damn well found a way to do it. If you didn't then you sucked as a kid.

boatkicker 4

Kids clothes have pockets don't they? "Here's a piece of chocolate, but you can't eat it at school." Kids puts it in her pocket. Goes home, forgets about it, goes to bed. Wakes up at 1 to use the bathroom. Remembers chocolate in her pocket. Eats it. A few hours later she's puking all over the bathroom. And to those of you talking about locks. Either you have a key lock (in which case you child could find the keys when you're asleep) or a combination lock (if you are good at remembering sequences, but more than likely it's written down somewhere, which means your kid could find it) Or something like a hook-and-eye way up high (in which case, you child could find things to climb on)

First of all, your post makes me think you think all chocolate has milk in it. It doesn't. Only milk chocolate does; dark and unsweetened chocolate do not. Secondly, YDI for not properly watching your daughter or putting stuff out of her reach that is bad for her, or keeping her in a school that won't properly watch her. Third, but the kid some unsweetened chocolate for goodness sakes.

Im lactose intolerant, and i dont think people realise how hard life is with that allergy... I cant eat chocolate, cake, other delicous desserts like ice cream, snack bars and mashed potato, milk (for cereal), rice pudding, and a TON of other stuff that you wouldnt even realise has lactose in.. We need some kind of charity for us people PLEASE FYL and FML Thankyou

The_Pleb, lactose intolerance is not an allergy. OP, sorry about what happened. Hopefully, your daughter learned that she can't eat certain things just because she wants them.

Agreed. Speaking as someone who's actually allergic to milk (as in my body has problems with the protein in milk, rather than simply not being able to digest the milk sugars), lactose intolerance is an annoyance at worst. If you're smart, avoid milk, and buy some of the better substitutes out there, it's not a huge problem. There's actually some really great soy ice creams, and at this point, I've found I like soy milk far better than the original.

You can hide the chocolate up high, or just hidden away so your child can't find it. My brother has a nut allergy, actually, and we keep everything that may contain nuts in a box up high so he can't access it; plus he knows he isn;t supposed to eat it and he is 3. So, yes, it's easy to hide things away. I bet the OP and all the other people manage to keep christmas presents hidden away; same principle really.

The people saying YDI clearly don't have kids and I really can't wait until you do. Lactose intolerence doesn't always make you sick straight away. She could have had it earlier in the day, or like people have said, gotten it earlier in the day and kept it in her pocket. She could have gotten it at school from a student teacher who wouldn't know even if the OP had informed the school, or another kid, or a friends house, or a shop keeper when she was out with a friend or school visit, or a neighbour. FYL OP, and take comfort in knowing the people saying YDI are in for a big surprise when they have kids and are going to feel like real jerks for judging you. =)

You're all idiots. I mean i know his daughter couldn't possibly have friends from school who can eat and SHARE chocolate, huh?

Glad to know you're probably childless wilshires and aren't going to pass on your bitchy, judgmental nature to any poor young children. =)

Hey retard im not being an attention ***** And how would you feel if you walked into thorntons with your mates and then after looking at all the differant mouth watering chocolates you came to realisation that you cant have any and that you should stick to "soya chocolate" that tastes like your girlfriends ass. So FYL for not having emotions to less fortunate people like myself. O and should i say im allergic to dairy Now go to bed Win + 10

boatkicker 4

#40, you are lucky that 'high up' works in your house. Most children if they want something high up will learn to climb. Do you know how frighting it is to wake up in the middle of the night, to see your 4 year old sister on top of some boxes, which are on a plastic kids chair, which are on an empty laundry basket that was tipped up? It was the scariest thing I'd ever seen, and it didn't help that it was at the top of the stairs. She slept in my room that night, simply because I was afraid she'd do it again if I didn't hold her. The next day I took the kids chairs away. They stayed locked in the basement (which she was afraid of) at night.

the pleb, shut the **** up you attention-grasping *****. nobody really cares that you cant have choclate with your friends. boo hoo somebody call a wahmbulance. i have acid reflux and i have food restrictions too along with a kajillion other people with similar issues. "We need some kind of charity for us people PLEASE" ******* get over yourself and live with it .

Damn fuckyear if that was an exam id of gave you an A* but unfortunately its a cheap site called fml, so maybe you want to keep your hardworking witty comments to yourself. There SHOULD be a charity for lactose intolerence so we can afford to buy soya chocolate because soya chocolate costs a lot more then normal chocolate. Besides that there isnt a good variety of soya chocolate like normal chocolate.. in fact i have seen NO soya chocolate that contains something else nice like capuccino flavour or somethin. But pleasee if you can tell me where to find some nice soya chocolates youd make my life complete because i only buy plain soya chocolate from sainsburys and like i mentioned it tastes like your girlfriends ass. Ok so go to bed after youve told me a shop in ENGLAND that sells nice soya chocolate. Thankyou goodbye WIN+ 20

I like how you say that while eating Guylian Belgian Chocolate filled with ******* champagne. Bitch!!!!!!!!

affa99 0

She isn't lactose intolerant if she threw up from a piece of chocolate I am severely lactose intolerant, and I eat chocolate all the time with little effect Plus, lactose intolerant people don't vomit, they have diarrhea...if she is vomiting, she is allergic to something in the chocolate other than milk.... FAKE

Hey 69, there's a company called Plamil who make a half decent soya alternative to milk chocolate, it's a tad more Galaxy than Dairy Milk, but you should be able to find it in most Holland & Barrett's.

@ 66 Why didn't you just put what she was trying to get in the basement?

boatkicker 4

We did, after we caught her climbing, but before that we assumed that high up was safe from a four year old. I was pointing out that very few places are safe from a child who wants something.

deoxylophone 0

Get over it. Sometimes I wish I could drink chocolate milk, but since I'm another lactose intolerant person, I can't. Doesn't mean I have a hissy fit for having to drink soymilk. Chocolate isn't that great anyways. If you want chocolate THAT badly, you should probably be glad you can't eat it. It's probably keeping you from becoming a diabetic.

@ ThePleb Pull your head out of your ass and learn to eat dark chocolate, which is by definition milk-free. And, perhaps, you may learn to read more comments and actually see this fact which had been posted before.

wilshires - I won't assume things if you don't. Assuming the OP is a bad parent for her school aged kid getting something that's highly appealing to kids and readily available in a lot of places outside of the house where the OP doesn't have much control(school, after school classes, friends houses) is just stupid and pretty bitchy.

Twinkle: I actually agree with #1, #2 and wilshires. I am a parent with a 6 year old son with PKU (Phenylketonuria). This is a condition that does not allow a person to digest foods with an amino acid called phenylalanine in it. This is found in so many foods like eggs, meat, dairy, breads, pasta and even foods with aspartame in it. Aspartame is a fake sweetener like Splenda and is found in fruit juices, diet drinks, Kool-Aid and several other products kids would love. I do everything in my power to see that my child does not consume products with phe. I've tried to just keep a lot of these items out of the house period, but foods in our house that might be dangerous to my son I keep in a refrigerator with a lock on it. My son has been offered items at school from other kids, but he knows that it is important NOT to take things from other people because it might make him sick. My son has tried several times to get his hands on things in our refrigerator, but my husband and I see to it that he doesn't- and so far, our son has never once had an incident where he has gotten his hands on something he wasn't supposed to. The OP might have had this discussion with her child, and even if her daughter did this behind her back, the child got sick at 3AM.... This means the chocolate was eaten maybe a few hours before that-definitely not around lunch time or even right after school. That would be anywhere between 11 and 13 hours. The reponsibility was solely on the parents at this point. The parents could have checked their child's backpack, lunch box and pockets when she got home. Aside this, I actually think this story is made up and agree with #76. The OP never says anywhere that her child vomitted, but that's what it seems. People that are lactose intolerant mainly have diarrhea, gas or other nausea, but no vomitting. AND if person who is lactose intolerant consumes a food with lactose... they will start feeling sick or uncomfortable anywhere between 30 minutes and 2 hours later, not several hours later- That ot the OP is lying or exaggerating. I'm probably going to get criticized for the book, but it seems there are a lot of misinformed people commenting on this post that shouldn't be. Bottom line: a parent is in control of what a 5-year old eats. Once they get older it's harder, but it's not impossible to manage a 5-year old's diet.

#5 oblioviosly yourn not a good parent youself, maby a 5 yr old wasnt sure what was in chocolate. or it could have been a blonde moment.

#30 my mother is lactose intolerent. she doesnt mind because she takes something called a milk pill the lesses the effects.have you ever tried them

you might be unknowingly eating chocolate without dairy in it. my friend is severely lactose intolerant and she gets really sick with even the slightest bit of dairy.

She could have eaten it at preschool or at a friends house. It's not the mothers fault.

That's not true #99, my mom is lactose intolerant, and whenever she eats something with lactase in it, she is usually in the bathroom in and out for a while. The 5 year old could have had chocolate at a friends house around dinner time, or as a desert, so when she went back to her house and went to bed she was asleep and couldn't complain about stomach aches or gas. If the body can't digest something such as lactate, it could be possible to vomit depending on the severity of the condition.

perdix 29

That would be great if you could get your profile pic to be a silhouette with Magritte's bowler hat. This is why it is so important to start teaching our children tolerance at a very young age. Intolerance can be very messy, so you have to teach your kid to accept people whether they are white, black, lactose, red, yellow or brown!

English only here, please. That's just so everyone can understand each other. Thanks! :-)

perdix 29

Dear Vanni, I must respectfully disagree with the moderation of wafflemonger's comment. Many Americans and other English speakers are familiar with Rene Magritte's painting of a pipe that says "Ceci n'est pas une pipe" (This is not a pipe) and recognize that the comment was "This is not a comment." When Arnold Schwarzenegger said, "Hasta la vista, baby," would that be considered speaking Spanish or using a Spanish phrase that is well-known by many Americans? I would think the Magritte reference would be considered a bit of French that many non-Francophones would be familar with. IMHO

I'll get a second opinion on it. Edit: I've been vetoed! Unmoderated it is. :-)

why do all the staff end their comments in :-) or ;-)?

They are nerds. D: Or maybe they just want to look like cool kids. o:

Yellow and red people??? Where the eff do you live!? Also to the OP, YDI its called being a parent, and teaching your kid she cant eat that. When your 5 your old enough to listen and comprehend things.

The 'nerds' answer seems more accurate. Oh and.... ;-)

People often refer to Asians as yellow and Native Americans as red.

perdix 29

midnight_rain, you miss the point. The joke was that I snuck in "lactose" in with all of the colors that we use to refer to people. Oh, never mind.

It's kindof sad that people feel the need to nit pick on every flipping comment that perdix makes. Sarcastic humour people! I don't think everything is intended to be serious :)

There's shit everywhere! Your house is full of shit!

wellinever 5

Maybe, but at least it smells of chocolate.

I can't see your kid crapping all over the walls, it would be all over her ass, legs and clothes

MM23 0

Oh trust me it can happen...there was an event at the place that I work and when I went to use the bathroom I found that someone had literally shit ALL over the walls, the toilet, the table next to the toilet, and had even managed to get it behind the toilet. So believe me, it is definitely possible.

proud_liberal 0

I think her daughter threw up, actually. And it's obvious that kids find out how to get what they want, whether it's hidden or not. Remember, the OP was cleaning at 3am. The little girl may have snuck out of bed and stolen the candy. It's stupid of you to accuse her mother of being a bad parent just because she had some chocolate in the house. My boyfriend has been allergic to nuts since he was a child, and his mother always kept a jar of cashews because she liked them. He was 9 when he found out about the allergy, and knew better than to get sick by eating the cashews. Maybe the daughter in this FML will have learned something after this.

wow I agree with #16 shes five years old that it old enough to know what shes doing. just because her daughter is is lactose doesnt mean she has to get rid of everything in the house that has milk. come one people I bet if it happend to you, you would have a different opinion.

Ok. First of all, #18, it takes hours for lactose intolerance to take effect, because the food has to be digested for the lack of enzyme to take effect. The worst attack I ever had happened when I was 8 and I was up all night because I couldn't lie down, but it didn't start to happen happen until at least midnight. Secondly, this must be an extremely serious case of lactose intolerance, because the milk content in chocolate (if not combined with other dairy products) is generally not enough to cause this serious of an attack. Also, #16, it is unlikely that she threw up, as lactose intolerance generally affects your lower digestive system, and will not generally make you vomit.

perdix 29

Lonely_Lez, I'm sorry you are lactose-intolerant. I hope you don't miss dairy products too much. I could have made a very mean, but very funny joke at your expense, but I like you so much, I will refrain. Maybe, one day, we'll get together and get very drunk and then I will tell you this joke and you'll hate me. Fortunately, when we sober up, you will have forgotten it and we will still be friends. ;)

thisisyahoomail 0

Who is this perdix, and why does he feel the need to comment on every single FML... honestly man, do you spend your entire life on here?

I doubt he spends his life here, but maybe thisisyahoomail does. o: Seeing as he/she tracks down every single comment perdix makes! ;D

perdix 29

No, I skip a few from time to time. I really don't spend a lot of time writing comments. Some of my detractors will say, "Yeah, it shows." While my fans like my quick wit.

iPsycho 4

I puke within 45 minutes of eating cheese o.O

PhishloverA 14

#23 so you're saying that OP's daughter pulled her pants down and shot explosive diarrhea on the walls?

voveraite 7

Yep, hook her up to bittersweet chocolate! Dairy free ^^ Also, milk-free brownies...