Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML
Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML
Today, I discovered a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods in my house. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer, except me. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML
Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML
Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML
Today, I caught my mother-in-law filling my one-year-old's cup with Dr. Pepper. When I flipped out, she told me I was overreacting since "all her kids turned out fine." Save for my husband, all her kids are morbidly obese diabetics who’ve struggled with poor diets. She herself is almost 450 lbs. FML
Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
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Top comments
amandathecreator 22
I think she's confused with cooking food to kill bacteria ! Hahahah she's needs to take a nutrition class , poor girl
SirTalkaton 22
We have the cure for obesity, just bake everything! Hooray!
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Comments (54)
ipodtouchgirl 21
She's half right. When you cook using alcohol it burns off in the cooking process, but leaves behind the flavor.
soylentgreens 8
That is complete nonsense, while it is true that alcohol evaporates during the cooking process, there will still be alcohol left in the finished dish.
Jjimen1654 9
Oh, they are released, right into her gut.
ViviMage 39
No, see, her science said the Calories are released BY cooking, not by eating! All the Calories are gone by the time it comes out if the oven! There are Calorie free foods or negative Calorie foods, like celery. Baked goods aren't one of them
Pinkfun69 4
No Hun, you haven't raised a moron. You have raised a well rounded (get it rounded) child;-)
ImInYourFACEbook 8
Right? I feel like she is one of those people that go to restaurants like, "Um, I'm on a diet so instead of the house salad can I just get an apartment salad instead?"
Cowsxgoxmoo78 8
There's a part of me that really wants to know how old she is... And yet I am almost too scared to ask.
Bengye 4
that's cuz u apperently can't raise a kid right. blame urself for that one
n4ture 20
how old is she?
CharresBarkrey 15
"Is butter a carb?"
lymyabean 15
Not her fault, that's what folks teach us!
khaya 9
If your daughter is above ten years old, kill it Kill it now.