Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, my husband’s been dropping hints he wants to open our marriage. When I got home, a couple of his coworkers dropped by "for drinks". They tried to initiate group sex and figured I just needed to be talked into it. I was so mad, I couldn’t throw everyone out fast enough, including him. FML
Today, I found out my husband is a cuck. After explaining that I'm not exactly satisfied in the bedroom, we were thinking of ideas to spice things up. I suggested buying a few toys he could use on me. He immediately got mad, because he wanted me to find other men to screw instead. FML
Today, my husband demanded I delete all my male friends/contacts except family members. All this because I texted one of my male friends, “Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one.” According to him, “One thing leads to another then next thing you know you both are in bed fucking like rabbits.” FML
Today, my husband was giving marriage advice to a friend, while I eavesdropped. I heard, "You want more sex? Let her see you flirting with other girls. Sophia sees me tease a cashier or some shit, the second we get home, she's putting on sexy lingerie and fucking my brains out. It's magic." FML
Today, I’m worried that swinging might've ruined my marriage. My wife and I both agreed and we very much enjoyed ourselves. The problem is that the other woman rode me like a high intensity thrill ride roller coaster compared to the same old merry go round that is my wife. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, I showed my best friend proof that her husband was sexually harassing me. Now she's refusing to talk to me, and I can't let my own husband out of my sight, for fear that he's going to murder the guy. FML
Today, my husband threw an epic tantrum about how “men are allowed to have female friends”, smashed stuff in the living room, for him to storm out and slam the door, making the house tremble. All I did was tell him that his friendship with his secretary made me uncomfortable. FML
Today, my husband has been texting women to see if he can go out on a date with one of them, just because I’ve befriended his friend and apparently, the movie and food I got with the friend was a first date, so now he wants to get even. FML
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Top comments
LovesSushi 25
Well that sounds healthy...
obnum 19
...what? He sounds like a terrible person
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Comments (138)
Vickyh46 8
What a crazy ******. Seriously. Extreme jealousy is very dangerous.
broskishkosh 1
It's because he knows bitches be gettin all emotional over sex. It will just be sex for him, for you it will be an emotional experience and not just a dick. Your fault.
kiwikoei 10
... And no one's mentioning her 'friend' ??
wuzuppipol_fml 2
Stupid skunk
ex_stripper_jk 20
What a gentleman! Honestly reminds me of how lucky I am to have the husband that I have.
Sykes_1014 0
I smell a divorce
D3ATHZ3RO 15
Your husbands a little bitch
swinglish4670 5
You should get out of that relationship... That's abusive
moonshain 6
My husband and I split up in a pretty bad fight and didn't think there was any chance of getting back together, and the later decided to give things another shot. But at that point, we had been separated a while, and we had just started to think about dating again. We had never been with other people before or during our marriage, so feeling magnanimous I told him we could have an open relationship "for a while." I should mention, at the time we got back together, he told me he still hadn't been with anyone else. It later turned out he was already seeing another woman, and had had at least one other casual experience. He lied to me about this for months and carried on the relationship with the other woman for the better part of a year, the whole time telling me I had been the only one and letting me think he wasn't acting on the permission I had given him. And I had never wanted to be in an open relationship in the first place, and wasn't trying to date anyone, but I did make friends with a guy online, and when he was talking about coming to visit from out of town, my husband said, "Whoa, why do you think that's okay?" Of course I was pretty upset because first, this guy was nothing more than a friend, and second, we were supposedly in an open relationship. And when I brought that up, my husband clarified for me that apparently what open relationship means is that if I date anyone he'll dump me. Which is the biggest load of b.s. I've ever heard, since that's basically the definition of a monogamous relationship. But no amount of logic works because what it comes down to is he's going to do what he wants, which is cheat on me while I'm faithful to him, and he thinks he got permission for it, though I think lying about already being with someone else invalidates my agreement somewhat (so does redefining the rules of an open relationship).
Ugi 27
This does not sound like it could ever work. FYL