Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with Tic Tacs. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I found out that morning after pills don't work if you're already ovulating. I also found out that I might become a father wayyyy sooner than expected. FML
Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
Today, I finally had my doctor's appointment to get my tubes tied. I've been waiting for 2 years. Instead, I found out that my birth control failed and I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML
Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I found out that after using several types of birth control, and being paranoid about pregnancy, I've been infertile for years. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of five months is pregnant. Apparently, she stopped taking her pill two months ago because "we" wanted a baby. I don't recall ever having that discussion with her. FML
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Top comments
Amkii 0
WHAT. That is terrible!!!! D: What if you're not ready for kids?! Jeez... she is crazy. Sorry about your pregnancy. Unless, that is, you're ready for kids now and wanted one.
Emma89_ 0
sorry, but your Mothers a nut job o.O
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Comments (73)
KarelessKitten 0
I mean it sounds as if she might not remember to take her pills every day and that is why she uses condoms as a back-up. The margin of error is great. Like I said get the shot, norplant, or an IUD. It limits your risk of something like this happening. If you're not ready for a child, get an early term abortion. It's not up to your mother-it's your choice. It's your body and you have all the rights. If your mother is meddling in your life, you might need to cut her off. It sounds harsh but her opinion does not matter. This is between you and your man.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Dude, that's BS. Pills + condoms are perfectly fine. (When you don't have a psycho mom.) It just sounds like she had her pills in one of those pill boxes instead of in the original packaging, hence how they got swapped, it's all.
anjyu22 0
You seem to think you know a lot about contraception but you don't. Those options do not work for everyone. The hormones in depo can mess with some women's cycles. Implants are exceedingly hard to get in the US, not to mention getting them covered by your insurance. And while otherwise safe and practical, if you're not in a monogamous relationship, IUDs can increase your chances of developing a nasty case of PID if you happen to contract HPV. So there you go. Crazy moms aside, for some people BCP and condoms are the safest and most effective form of contraception available. Maybe not for you, but hey, if you're not bright enough to set an alarm to take your pills at the same time every day and use condoms as a backup, then that's your own problem. Don't go preaching to the people here.
GreenAlbatross 3
If you're not ready for a child and you are morally ok with it, get an abortion. Then get an IUD. There's no way in hell your mum could swap that out.
hornetchik 0
Mine come in the monthly packet which also has the days on it, and I don't forget...
cocky 0
Your mom is insane. Drop the hint by saying you're naming the baby, "abortion." :)
DrPizza 0
A pint of gin and a nice hot bath.
AtoZnumbersand_ 1
Wow, this is the first actual FML i've read in months. I think a lot of them are funny, but most FML's are either people blowing things out or proportions or awkward situations. OP, Get an abortion and sue her. If you're against the former, just do the latter. If you decide to have the baby she could potentially be responsible for finacially supporting it since it wasn't for her no such child would exsist. I hope you have cut all ties with that crazy bitch.
Major_General 10
Funny, I have friends who got pregnant while using condoms and the pill. And being out of state from their parents. And not wanting a child.
lolsan 0
I really don't understand how people fail that hard. Take your pills right and use condoms right.
fretforyerlatte 0
friends, as in this happened to more than one person that you know personally? i don't buy it. somebody was bullshitting someone.
Nagamori 0
It is my credo that any person who wishes to not be pregnant has the right to that, as long as she takes proper precautions. Using both birth control pills and condoms certainly qualifies. Your defenses were sabotaged. You have every right to an abortion if you want one. (For the record, I'm not in any way for restricting who gets and who doesn't get abortions - It's morally reprehensible to me to use them as the only line of defense, but still better than giving birth to an unwanted child) How far along are you? Did you want kids at all, just not yet? Since the pregnancy came as a surprise, I would assume your body isn't the optimal incubator - I mean, who takes prenatal vitamins when they aren't expecting? Do you think you would resent the child for messing up your life? (Trust me, it will) The only anti-abortion argument I have is that it's sad to kill something just because it came along at the wrong time. Imagine telling your kids one day that they could have had an older sibling, but it was inconvenient and you killed it. (haha, I can't stop laughing at the mental image of terror on those little innocent faces) Suggestions for punishment for your mother's betrayal include sticking her with the cost of the abortion, or denying her to meet the grandchild she schemed to create. And of course, sue her for whatever you can, if you are so inclined.
yesfylhaha 0
YO CONDOMS GOT HYPER BEAMED
ozpunker 20
I know the solution. It rhymes with shmashmortion