Intimacy: Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being... - FML

By Orgasmataz - 25/01/2015 22:10 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Spicy

Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being ridiculously thin, my entire flat overheard me lose my virginity. Spanking and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 431

You deserved it 10 538

Orgasmataz tells us more.

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Monday 26 January 2015 20:13

OP here! We did have some music playing actually...I don't think my flatmates will be listening to Jake Bugg for a while haha

Our house, in the middle of our street

Divorce impending

Teenage Riot

Helping hand

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 262

By Anonymous - 08/12/2015 20:24 - United States - Knoxville

Today, while giving my final speech, a bump that had been growing on my arm popped. Pus leaked through my white dress sleeve, and it smelled like death. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 811

You deserved it 2 509

By scarred - 27/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 877

You deserved it 3 914

Thanks dude

By Marcus - 10/04/2021 02:00 - Norway

Today, I was driving to work when I had to abruptly brake to avoid a pedestrian who had suddenly jumped into the street. As a consequence, my parking ID was pushed in between the dashboard and the windshield. It is literally impossible to get it out before my shift starts. In other words, I'm going to get fined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 07:42 - Australia

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 505

You deserved it 3 272

By anonymous - 04/08/2015 20:56 - United States - Ballwin

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 559

You deserved it 2 039

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:33 - United States

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 237

You deserved it 22 462

By ldn - 21/03/2013 17:54 - Slovenia - Domzale

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 528

You deserved it 12 930

By Mr Pippin - 09/09/2018 22:00

Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 916

You deserved it 307

By bruh_im18 - 17/09/2016 16:18 - United States - Metairie

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 948

You deserved it 2 547

By dannyboy - 30/03/2012 16:44 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 351

You deserved it 14 775

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 15:17 - Ireland

Today, my trusty old car decided that it no longer needed its back passenger window-pane, and that in fact the window would look a lot better smashed to pieces by the roadside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 553

You deserved it 3 327

Food for thought

By Michael - 20/03/2021 05:02 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while assisting my 2 year-old with potty training, she stuck her hand in her own poop, and when I wasn't expecting it, put her fingers in my mouth. Ever wondered what a green blowout tastes like? I don't have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 135

By Bg2466 - 15/08/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 112

You deserved it 15 594

By LonelyMonkey - 12/11/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 349

You deserved it 3 271

By boogery - 26/01/2015 19:17 - United States

Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a "free stuff" sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 623

You deserved it 13 471

By anonymous - 06/06/2013 04:14 - United States - Tehachapi

Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 733

You deserved it 6 509

Very smart

By Leauge - 28/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 337

You deserved it 279

By stepsister - 10/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, I met my soon-to-be step mother. My dad was right, we had a lot in common. Including our birth year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 410

You deserved it 4 066

By please_no - 16/03/2010 14:40 - United States

Today, the water in my shower wouldn't drain so I used a snake to unclog it. I pulled almost a full foot of nasty hair and gunk out of the drain. I just moved in, and the previous owner was an elderly woman. I just pulled a foot of old lady pubes out of my drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 483

You deserved it 3 333

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 21:19 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 092

You deserved it 9 589

By Shelby - 19/06/2012 16:38 - United States - Nokomis

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 861

You deserved it 17 256

By anime_love - 17/09/2010 04:43 - United States

Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend who evidently stood me up. I waited so long, the security came up and asked me to leave, because I was scaring the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 782

You deserved it 3 857

What a massive clock

By Rhianna - 22/11/2009 04:05 - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my younger brother while my parents were away. I turned my back on my brother for one minute and then I heard a huge crash from their room. He had somehow destroyed a family heirloom and 200 year-old clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 376

You deserved it 7 659

By father-in-nope - 21/07/2015 15:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 382

You deserved it 2 741

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 465

You deserved it 4 676

By Cam - 21/05/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Holsworthy

Today, I photoshopped a picture for my Facebook profile so my stomach would look a little flatter. I came back later, only to find someone had said, "What in God's name is this? Is your belly duck-facing?" and half a dozen other insults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 206

You deserved it 43 660

I'm not sad. Or am I?

By Dr Pepper - 22/05/2019 18:05

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 1 585

By dumper - 05/11/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 071

You deserved it 5 563

By jasmine - 23/02/2010 16:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me orgasm in the two and a half years we've been together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 568

You deserved it 7 614

By Anonymous - 05/04/2015 12:27 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 380

You deserved it 3 223

By natalie_sarantos - 23/12/2015 03:44 - United States - Marshfield

Today, I took a coach bus to travel to New York. Along the way, the bus stopped at Burger King and I went out to buy some food. When I got back, I couldn't find the bus. It left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 741

You deserved it 3 400

By notanazigrandchildafterall - 21/09/2015 11:32 - Germany - Leipzig

Today, going through my late grandmother's papers, I found out that my grandfather had never been in the Nazi party. The reason he was not allowed to work as a teacher was that he had never passed his university exams. He found an invented Nazi past less shameful than academic failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 695

You deserved it 1 723

By eewww - 06/05/2011 15:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 714

You deserved it 3 688

By Username - 25/09/2010 04:49 - France

Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 444

You deserved it 6 566

By Anonymous - 23/10/2014 01:33 - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 909

You deserved it 4 116

By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 039

You deserved it 3 857

By nakedness - 11/12/2011 01:35 - Australia

Today, I was getting dressed in my bedroom with the blinds open and had nothing covering my top half. I thought my neighbours wouldn't be able to see in through all the trees, that was until I heard someone wolf whistle and one of my neighbours running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 434

You deserved it 32 077

By dontgothere - 23/02/2014 04:40 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 416

You deserved it 6 682

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 12:55 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, after weeks of being engaged and with the wedding date planned, I finally told my parents. They told me it was my best April Fool's joke ever. I should've waited one more day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 351

You deserved it 5 640

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Top comments

oathkeeper99 31

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Monday 26 January 2015 7:49

Doesn't matter, had sex?

clumsylobster 17

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Monday 26 January 2015 7:51

Sounds like this is the first time sex has been heard in your dorm. Does that mean you're the only one who's gotten laid recently?

Comments

oathkeeper99 31

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Monday 26 January 2015 7:49

Doesn't matter, had sex?

Zappaz 32

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Monday 26 January 2015 7:50

You stole my comment! :p

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Monday 26 January 2015 13:48

*"I just had sex" starts playing*

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Monday 26 January 2015 13:55

I just had sex, and it felt so good

watermelon15 35

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Tuesday 27 January 2015 5:18

lonely island :)

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Monday 26 January 2015 7:49

All these FMLs are the same damn thing. I'd like to see something other than same stories rewritten over and over.

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Monday 26 January 2015 7:50

well that does sound embarrassing. Sorry op! Just try to be quieter next time or put on some music

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Monday 26 January 2015 9:43

If OP is female, I'm sure it's not quite easy to be quiet the first time. Especially if there's spanking involved.

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Monday 26 January 2015 12:37

It's hard to be quiet for some any time let alone the first, music could help cover for the next time. Led Zeppelin, Beatles was always a good cover in the dorm, it's just a good idea anytime.

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Monday 26 January 2015 19:52

You speaking from experience? ;)

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Monday 26 January 2015 20:13

OP here! We did have some music playing actually...I don't think my flatmates will be listening to Jake Bugg for a while haha

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Tuesday 27 January 2015 0:19

op your name! haha

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Tuesday 27 January 2015 6:57

at op: be loud. be proud and enjoy yourself. never try to hold in your enjoyment. scream in the sheets and dance in the streets!

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Tuesday 27 January 2015 13:21

Jake bugg is pretty good. Good choice.

clumsylobster 17

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Monday 26 January 2015 7:51

Sounds like this is the first time sex has been heard in your dorm. Does that mean you're the only one who's gotten laid recently?

Monday 26 January 2015 8:17

How does it sound like this is the first time people have had sex in her dorm recently? There was no indication of that whatsoever. OP just had loud sex. And walls are thin. Pure and simple.

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Monday 26 January 2015 10:45

no need to overreact and be rude? #7 was just commenting on the post

chlorinegreen 27

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Monday 26 January 2015 11:18

It sounds like the first time throughout the dorm, because if other students were having sex you would have known that you can hear it through the walls.

Xx_Slayer_xX 22

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Monday 26 January 2015 21:53

Also. Considering she spoke of "Today, I discovered" or something like that. ( I forgot) that means she didn't learn it yet, duh. And that means that no one else had sex for a while, because else she would have heard it and took notice, therefore. He is correct. Good day, hooligans.

thomasrasmussen7 20

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Monday 26 January 2015 22:30

Was it as fast as a lightning bolt?

jds14 20

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Tuesday 26 July 2016 19:27

Either that or OP is the only one in the dorm getting a good lay...

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Monday 26 January 2015 7:53

Bet that walk of shame was embarrassing

invadermaythe1st 35

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Monday 26 January 2015 8:02

First of all, do you even know what a walk of shame is? Second of all, if you do, re read the FML.

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Monday 26 January 2015 11:00

Maybe they meant the walk of shame for the other person?

VampOfSavannah 31

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Monday 26 January 2015 11:45

Judging by the title of the post and the spanking, it sounded like her first time was very enjoyable. There is no shame in that.

swaglesshipster 23

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Monday 26 January 2015 7:54

Well at least you got laid :)

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Tuesday 27 January 2015 0:15

I'm trying to understand all the downvotes...

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Monday 26 January 2015 7:56

I can't say that it should be unexpected though...

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Monday 26 January 2015 8:02

Well at least it's memorable and you learned new things. I say that's a good college experience.

xleanne_aLly 23

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Monday 26 January 2015 8:02

As embarrassing as that is. At least its a memorable experience you can laugh about later. Plus it sounds like you will only be one of many OP.

RobinGoodfellow 47

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Monday 26 January 2015 8:03

That's pretty much every dorm ever. You can't expect the walls to be luxuriously thick, they house a lot of students. You would not believe the things I heard my upstairs neighbor get up to every week during my senior year.

countryb_cth 38

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Monday 26 January 2015 9:14

Do tell what they got up to, I'm very intrigued.

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Monday 26 January 2015 9:20

Really intense scrabble.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 283