Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML
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Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML
Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Today, to tease my cat for his naughty behavior and tendency to fart upon getting onto my lap, I tried to return the favor by farting on him while he was cleaning himself. It wasn't a fart. FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Today, I meowed at my cat and he got really close to me. I then meowed again and he punched me in the face. Them's fightin' words, it seems. FML
Today, while at home, I accidentally let out a big, loud fart near my dad. When he asked what the noise was, I blamed it on the cat. I remembered too late that we don't have a cat. My dad caught on quickly and grounded me for lying in front of him. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
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Top comments
tygerarmy 35
Did your cat think you were growling, or did your fart destroy his little cat nose, and he bit you in retaliation?
Steve95401 49
The cat might rip his schlong to shreds in retaliation.
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Comments (24)
dcats 13
Lol, thanks for the laugh!
manuwish 9
thank you OP, you made me laugh! I love cats, and it probably was all of it together, the growling sound and the stench, cats have a sense of smell that is thousands of times more accurate than the human one, typical cat love, sharing the pain hahahahaaaa, cats are great
jvanevery 19
did he break the skin is it a puncture wound if he gave you a puncture wound then you need to see a doctor immediately cat bites are really dangerous
takeittoem 8
It must be incredible, being able to read the thoughts of your pets like that....
Bearsmomma 30
It really isn't difficult at all. I've had full conversations with all of my dogs.