Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
Palindromesque tells us more.
Hi all, OP here! I'm crying with laughter-you all are hilarious, seriously! To respond to some questions-I discovered my roommate's predilection for silverware and kitchen implements when I poked my head into her room to tell her something and saw an open drawer with a good collection of my utensils. She was actually quite forthcoming, and explained in jaw-dropping detail some uses for a number of them. We've agreed that she can go ahead and keep what she's "used," and that she'll replace the implements now and in future...no cross contamination, she promises. Overall, I'm glad she's sensually creative, so I don't feel the need to resort to hot sauce or splinters! I just fear for the next time she's browsing in the kitchen-I may not be able to scramble eggs for breakfast.
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Actually, I would just throw them away. You wouldn't see me using them in the kitchen after she's been at them.
RedPillSucks 33
How does she use the can opener or bottle opener or the egg beater? Actually, I don't really want to know.
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Comments (142)
bosox29 14
Ok so the two questions no one has asked...how in the hell did you find out about this and how did you go about explaining this to her?!?
Mackay92 14
Give her a rolling pin as a present then she will be satisfied
BrotherPhil 35
or maybe a thermos flask?
Forenzics 10
I'd be getting a new roommate ASAP. That's just disgusting
meherm 11
Label the utensils. Whatever is yours she CANNOT touch. P.S. Why can't she just buy a vibrator/*****?!
lovethesidewalk 19
No....just no.
sematariux 7
Send that freak my way, OP. Unless she's ugly...in that case do me a solid and ignore this
kaitlynjane 28
Well. Aren't you charming.
LissaMccracken 23
I have a feeling if you're putting this on FML you don't have good luck with girls, and shouldn't be picky if they're ugly or not.
Knightchaser27 25
I would invest in a label maker,if I were you.
ShakeDisPlace 10
Well OP, maybe after buy new cooking utensils you will be able to cook something orgasmic!
martin8337 36
Giggity?
stridercab 12
Can I come over?
Ari1337 15
not for dinner...