Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
Palindromesque tells us more.
Hi all, OP here! I'm crying with laughter-you all are hilarious, seriously! To respond to some questions-I discovered my roommate's predilection for silverware and kitchen implements when I poked my head into her room to tell her something and saw an open drawer with a good collection of my utensils. She was actually quite forthcoming, and explained in jaw-dropping detail some uses for a number of them. We've agreed that she can go ahead and keep what she's "used," and that she'll replace the implements now and in future...no cross contamination, she promises. Overall, I'm glad she's sensually creative, so I don't feel the need to resort to hot sauce or splinters! I just fear for the next time she's browsing in the kitchen-I may not be able to scramble eggs for breakfast.
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
Actually, I would just throw them away. You wouldn't see me using them in the kitchen after she's been at them.
RedPillSucks 33
How does she use the can opener or bottle opener or the egg beater? Actually, I don't really want to know.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (142)
MortenM 17
just dip it in some hot sauce and wait for the fun to start. next time she'll be a lot more careful, so punish her again
emirie 21
Brilliant idea!
barlos88 19
"Hey roomie, when your done, can you pass me the egg beater?"
toneeangel 22
crotch juice is all over em id let her to keep em. Or u could jst buy her a vibrator
kasmol 16
Okay, so she makes the kitchen stuff nasty. The upside is that you have a woman in the house who is very comfortable with her sexuality and enjoys orgasms. Buy some cheap utensil replacements and then enjoy.
dmbfan31 7
Oh, blerch!
JoseIsAdork 31
tell her to quite forking herself with your stuff... that's gross as hell!
JoseIsAdork 31
haha, I noticed right as I posted my first comment to this it jumped to 69 for the comment count, hmm I found that strangely amusing...
tpm45 25
Buy a bunch of cheese graters and oyster shucking knives. Make a point of leaving them all over the place, OP.
B00K_L0V3R93 31
FYL I'd be telling her she can keep them, because I wouldn't use them again even if I disinfected them. Make her buy more to replace the ones she stole.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Get a new roommate or buy your own utensils and keep them locked up.