Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
Palindromesque tells us more.
Hi all, OP here! I'm crying with laughter-you all are hilarious, seriously! To respond to some questions-I discovered my roommate's predilection for silverware and kitchen implements when I poked my head into her room to tell her something and saw an open drawer with a good collection of my utensils. She was actually quite forthcoming, and explained in jaw-dropping detail some uses for a number of them. We've agreed that she can go ahead and keep what she's "used," and that she'll replace the implements now and in future...no cross contamination, she promises. Overall, I'm glad she's sensually creative, so I don't feel the need to resort to hot sauce or splinters! I just fear for the next time she's browsing in the kitchen-I may not be able to scramble eggs for breakfast.
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Actually, I would just throw them away. You wouldn't see me using them in the kitchen after she's been at them.
RedPillSucks 33
How does she use the can opener or bottle opener or the egg beater? Actually, I don't really want to know.
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Comments (142)
FizzyFun 8
Interesting situation you have there OP
jude_iscariot 7
Buy identical ones?
Myo_fml 20
So that OP can confuse them with the ones that have been inside of the roommate?
perdix 31
Without being able to eat, maybe she'll lose enough weight to get men to come in and take care of her needs;)
Mshrodes 13
Yeah because obviously every single girl out there is single because not pretty enough (or even worse, too "big" for men's taste).
magiczebra 9
Anything Perdix says is a joke, hes not meant to be taken seriously. Ever. Plus, its the internet. Dont get so worked up over a FML comment.
KawaiiCupcake 14
Talk about shallow -_-
Sweet_Meli 11
Solution: Google Search: " Sex toys that resemble kitchen utensils" and get her a early Christmas gift ;)
LegolasPrincess 10
I'd consider looking for a new roommate OP...after throwing out those utensils that is.
NiteShayd 10
My pasta tastes fishy.
eternal_malaise 10
Need to keep that in mind when buying utensils in the future - look for styles that make bad sex toys. Either that or take a grinder to your existing set and add some burs and sharp edges.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Ah hell no. If that happened to me, I wouldn't even touch anything in the kitchen. I'd just douse everything with like 20 gallons of bleach.
123man 11
It could add some interesting new flavors to your sauces! Roll with the punches!
perdix 31
Why is my dough rising even though I haven't added the yeast yet? . . . oooooh!
DLT_fml 20
Finally, Perdix, a comment on this thread being upvoted (although barely)!
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
shut up 37.. nothin good to say, keep your mouth shut.