Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
Palindromesque tells us more.
Hi all, OP here! I'm crying with laughter-you all are hilarious, seriously! To respond to some questions-I discovered my roommate's predilection for silverware and kitchen implements when I poked my head into her room to tell her something and saw an open drawer with a good collection of my utensils. She was actually quite forthcoming, and explained in jaw-dropping detail some uses for a number of them. We've agreed that she can go ahead and keep what she's "used," and that she'll replace the implements now and in future...no cross contamination, she promises. Overall, I'm glad she's sensually creative, so I don't feel the need to resort to hot sauce or splinters! I just fear for the next time she's browsing in the kitchen-I may not be able to scramble eggs for breakfast.
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Actually, I would just throw them away. You wouldn't see me using them in the kitchen after she's been at them.
RedPillSucks 33
How does she use the can opener or bottle opener or the egg beater? Actually, I don't really want to know.
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Comments (142)
Twisted_Angel 17
Buy your own set and keep them in your room. That's just nasty.
chynnatownn 11
So unsanitary! I feel bad for you OP
jonyboymusic 6
This takes spooning to a whole new level
Ziggy122 15
Oh, that's just nasty.
thick_lesbo 8
Well at least she's not ******* herself with ur kitchen utensil.....oh wait....Sorry OP time for a new roomie
alwaysmalia 12
Just buy her a vibrator
theknozzle 14
If she's old enough to rent a place, she's old enough to go to a sex shop and buy a *****. And frankly, if any kitchen utensils entered my roomie's vag, I'd just burn them all
schadenfreud 6
depends if youre cooking fish
AngryD 9
I would move who knows what has been tainted by now
Krewella 1
best fml ever!!!