Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
Palindromesque tells us more.
Hi all, OP here! I'm crying with laughter-you all are hilarious, seriously! To respond to some questions-I discovered my roommate's predilection for silverware and kitchen implements when I poked my head into her room to tell her something and saw an open drawer with a good collection of my utensils. She was actually quite forthcoming, and explained in jaw-dropping detail some uses for a number of them. We've agreed that she can go ahead and keep what she's "used," and that she'll replace the implements now and in future...no cross contamination, she promises. Overall, I'm glad she's sensually creative, so I don't feel the need to resort to hot sauce or splinters! I just fear for the next time she's browsing in the kitchen-I may not be able to scramble eggs for breakfast.
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Actually, I would just throw them away. You wouldn't see me using them in the kitchen after she's been at them.
RedPillSucks 33
How does she use the can opener or bottle opener or the egg beater? Actually, I don't really want to know.
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Comments (142)
worldclassrager 41
She needs to go to Spencer's...and probably getting some utensils for yourself might be a good idea...
_jetaimexo 3
disgustingg!
xxVampiresRulexx 14
Buy your own and keep them in your room. That way you have your own clean cooking utensils to use (for cooking, take them our when cooking, wash them, put them back into room. I for sure wouldn't use any of the ones she touched.
webshammo 8
Well, you should still have forks and knives left to use. Maybe not tho.
truepanda 2
EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! I WOULDNT LET ANYONE PUT THOSE THINGS IN MY KITCHEN!! and i would kick her out asap.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Your roommates a freak.
ndnpride88 25
Maybe buy some new utensils and keep them in your room
kinky44 28
Just only eat fish from now on, you won't even notice.
DanielleinDC 34
Maybe get her a gift certificate to Babeland or something? I've never imagined using kitchen items for THAT, just like i wouldn't use...never mind.
RonnieG 10
well, at least we all know why the roommate doesn't gave a boyfriend. because that crazy bitch uses kitchen utensils as sex toys. PSHYCO.